unforgivable?

[mandellin]

Well, let me start off by saying I have had a relationship for four years about three and which have been rocky. Recently we have been talking marriage and even attended a pre-marriage counseling session and were supposed to attend more.

 

Recently - my man came to live with me and my family. The day that he left to leave go to work out of town....he got in a huge blow up with me and my mom. He told me he wanted to end it with me and took off - then that night he calls me and apologizes and acts like it never happened.

 

 

Ever since then - things have been off kilter. At first I thought maybe he was guilty for treating the both of us like scum that day.

 

 

Fast forward a few weeks - He tells me to call him - I call and get no answer,the iggy button,or an answer/hang up. Yesterday a mutual friend was like well call him off my phone and see if he answers...He did not answer another guy did...but I hear my boyfriend in the background asking what number it is calling. The phone cut off so I call back and ask to speak to him and they say that he is not there that he has left (within seconds not minutes) This is still going on.

 

He called the other day and my four year old nephew was on the phone. Several times he has told my nephew that he was going to come on Monday to visit us. Three Mondays since his phone calls he has called again and told my nephew the same thing (for the fourth time). I told him not to even say it if he couldn't come through with it because that is WRONG in my eyes to get a four year olds hopes up and then let them down.

 

My nephew was playing toy story on the computer today (with it being monday) and says Aunt Mandy is Carlos here? Then I have to say no and break his heart. He just shrugged his shoulders and said oh,well I guess he couldn't make it again.

 

My nephew already has a hard time...his dad is just like this so his life is full of disappointments and it makes me FURIOUS that my boyfriend is contributing to this.

 

I am hurt that he has promised me three times he was coming and not shown up but to do that to a four year old child is unforgivable or am I wrong?????

 

What should I do?

[misssmithviii]

I must say I agree with you, and your bf does sound very inconsiderate. I think you should stop letting him speak to your nephew at all because he's obviously becoming flaky on all of you. He's avoiding your calls, destroying your nephew's view of men and what it means to keep one's word... what is your bf thinking?

 

I feel like there's something going on in the background that either you haven't mentioned or he hasn't told you. I think you've got a lot of thinking to do and I would suggest getting a hold of your bf/leaving a message saying exactly how you feel and that his actions are absolutely unacceptable.

[mandellin]

Yeah..well I didn't actually "let" him talk to my nephew I guess he called my moms cell phone and so my nephew answered and talked to him while he brought me the phone.

 

I am thinking something shady may very well be going on.

 

I can't believe that my guys dad did him like this and hurt him deeply and he is willing to hurt my nephew at this level.

 

I am hurt that he has lied to me and flaked out on me three times but I am thinking what he has done to my nephew is unforgivable - esp considering the circumstances.

[misssmithviii]

Honestly, I think it's unacceptable how he's treating you too. To only let this lean on how he's treating your nephew shouldn't be the last straw. His flakiness, abrupt inconsiderate and mean behavior - those are your red flags.

[bulletproof]

How old are you? Why is he living with your family? Are you paying rent? Because if you're not, and he's having huge blow-ups with your mom, that's pretty disrespectful.

 

Overall the situation sounds unhealthy. The situation with your nephew sounds like the least of the problems. I would need to know more, but it doesn't seem good so far.

[mandellin]

I am 25 and he is 24. He moved in with us when his job got a transfer here. My parents are pretty old fashioned so they agreed bc they didnt really want him on the street but were not very happy about it. The blow up happened after two issues - he is an immigrant (althought not Mexican) and there were some harsh hateful and ugly things said. My mom was one of the members that took part in that and my uncle was the one saying very hateful things. The second was that after he left (he moves around alot to work) my dad said that he didn't want him back here...not so much because of him in general just the fact that we aren't married and he wants him to bare some responsibility for himself...

 

Since I told him that and he had the big blow up with my mom I haven't seen him. Then there is the phone thing...but then he calls me and acts like things are great between us and there are no problems.