Can't picture myself with anyone else

[LostLeo42]

My relationship was so dysfunctional and I know its time to move on. But I can't picture myself with another man. I loved him for so long. It was instant attraction. After 4 years I am still as physically attracted to him as the day we started dating. I look at pictures of him and I together and I think "there is no way I can ever be with another man".

 

Does this feeling ever go away? Will it fade? Will I be able to fall in love again? He is the only BF I have had since breaking up with someone in 2002.

[hmmwhoknows]

I feel the same way about my ex. Everything fades, it takes a really long time though. At least for me.

[hurt2healthy]

I am really sorry about your situation. Its tough to start over after especially after being in a 4 yr relationship. Have you tried dating again??

[iBroken]

First of all, stop looking at pictures of your ex. That usually helps the memory of them fade away faster.

 

Then when you meet new people, they wont look like your ex cause you dont remember what they look like

 

I have been apart from my ex for just a week now but have not looked at one picture of her other then to delete her pics from my facebook.

 

Lock all your photos up in a folder on your laptop and dont open them ever, never ever ever again.

 

Easiest yet, delete them

[LostLeo42]

I have not started dating again. It will be a really long time before I do. Pictures of him are all over my house. Pictures of him and me, and him and my son. I have a digital frame and more than half of the pictures in it have him or his family in it. I hate to delete them all, but I guess I have to. I also have stuff all over my house that he bought for me, furniture and my grill and stuff like that. I can't get rid of all the reminders....my house would be half empty! This is going to be harder than I thought.

[Im Steph]

Just my opinion, I would say don't delete your pictures. You can put them all together on a portable hard drive or just in a folder on your computer, but just because it's so painful right now doesn't mean that you will want to lose those memories forever. The same with the other things that remind you of him, if there are some smaller things, maybe put them all together, box them up or put them away in a closet.

[Hermes]

Advice LL. Get rid of the lot!

 

It is the end of an era, so to speak. Time to look forward.

 

H

[LostLeo42]

Hermes, that is probably what I would tell someone else, but doing it myself is very hard. Maybe I am just not at that point yet. I'm still at the stage where I want to feel the pain. I want to greive the loss and cry until I can't cry anymore.

[petite]

We have all been there at some point, it takes time and lots of it, but you will get past it. Until you start to concentrate on yourself and work on yourself it wont go away. If you continue just thinking about him, looking at his photos and remembering what you had it wont get better. It's up to you to step up and make the change for the better. One thing I know for sure is people can tell you to move on and change all they want but until you tell yourself and decide to heal you wont otherwise do it no matter how much others try to help you see the light.

You have to want to help yourself and you are the only one that has the power to make the change.

[LostLeo42]

Thanks Petite. I am only on day 5 of NC. That isn't very long. I can't expect myself to be feeling better yet. In the 4 years that we have been dating, other than a 5 month break up, we have never gone this long without some contact. Even after arguments, there has always been contact after, even if it was to say "you suck". The silence is killing me. He used to text me all day long and now my phone is basically silent.

 

Being single again is definitely going to be a lifestyle change for me. I'm not used to going out, especially since I am a single mom. Now I will have to rely on babysitters to go out and that's really not the kind of mom I want to be, but if I don't, I won't meet anyone else.

[iBroken]

NC gets easier - Im on day 10....the thoughts of my ex are less and less.

 

As part of NC we dont talk, I dont look at her pictures, I dont look at anything that has to do with her. And like you, my ex and I used to text all day long.......its weird adapting but if you keep yourself busy, you will find that the days get easier and easier

[petite]

Thanks Petite. I am only on day 5 of NC. That isn't very long. I can't expect myself to be feeling better yet. In the 4 years that we have been dating, other than a 5 month break up, we have never gone this long without some contact. Even after arguments, there has always been contact after, even if it was to say "you suck". The silence is killing me. He used to text me all day long and now my phone is basically silent.

 

Being single again is definitely going to be a lifestyle change for me. I'm not used to going out, especially since I am a single mom. Now I will have to rely on babysitters to go out and that's really not the kind of mom I want to be, but if I don't, I won't meet anyone else.

 

Believe me, I understand. I have gone through the whole ordeal of No Contact. I remember struggling to go through 2 days while for him it was the easiest thing ever. We're all different and you will get there. Spend a lot of time reading threads on the forum and you will see there are hundreds of threads similar to yours. I always say "It gets harder before it gets better" and you will see after about 3 weeks you will miss him even more, but after 4-5 it will start wearing off as you start to work on yourself. Key is, to live your life and enjoy it. If you sit at home and cry every single day you wont heal.

I think your attachment to him is just that, attachment. It's not that you can't live without him it's just the fact of having someone around for so long and they become a big part of you and your life. It's natural to go through the grieving stages. People get attached to cars so imagine how much we get attached to those we love. You can either let it make you or break you. It's something only you can decide, but believe me you don't want to let it break you.

[LostLeo42]

We had broken up once before for 5 months. I let myself wallow in depression that time. We had only been dating a year and I was so upset. This time its different, I don't have the hopes and dreams for a future with him. I know he is never going to change. I'm on day 6 of NC and I'm already in a better place than I was end the end of that 5 months. I don't miss him, he was miserable and made me feel like a chore. He never smiled, he never made me feel like he wanted to spend time with me. I think he spent the absolute mininum he had to in order to call it a relationship. I used to want to see him every day, but he wore my expectations down to the point where I knew I was only going to get the bare minimum and didn't even think about anything more. I don't miss that. I might miss the companionship a few times a week, but it won't be hard to fill that time with something else. I'm never going to let someone treat me like this ever again.

[Wandering_Sword]

My relationship was so dysfunctional and I know its time to move on. But I can't picture myself with another man. I loved him for so long. It was instant attraction. After 4 years I am still as physically attracted to him as the day we started dating. I look at pictures of him and I together and I think "there is no way I can ever be with another man".

 

Does this feeling ever go away? Will it fade? Will I be able to fall in love again? He is the only BF I have had since breaking up with someone in 2002.

 

You will do all those things and much more Trust me. I was in your shoes about four years ago and now I'm married and with a baby boy.

You can't go wrong by giving yourself some time to heal and to do those things that you were unable to when you were together.

Smile, it does get better at the end of the tunnel.

[LostLeo42]

Thank you Wandering. I'm sure I was talking myself into believing that I will never find anyone else or that I will be unhappy without him. Brainwashing myself. It doesn't help that he had me believing I was undesirable - he never said this but the way he treated me, made me feel like I must be. I had a great couple of days and I really don't miss him all that much. Its been much easier than I thought it would be. I just have to keep thinking positive.

[pumpkinmoon]

Thank you Wandering. I'm sure I was talking myself into believing that I will never find anyone else or that I will be unhappy without him. Brainwashing myself. It doesn't help that he had me believing I was undesirable - he never said this but the way he treated me, made me feel like I must be. I had a great couple of days and I really don't miss him all that much. Its been much easier than I thought it would be. I just have to keep thinking positive.

 

I feel like I am brainwashing myself too. I started off so good and now it feels like I'm making myself feel bad!

 

Wandering's post has given me a lot of hope