Lessons you've learned from your break-up

[moving]

Yeah I mean nothing against Christians but personally I will not get involved with one again. Oh and I don't know if he wasn't a real Christian he was a little too over the top with everything.

 

I think it's hard to date a Christian who believes that Christianity is the only path to salvation if you don't share that belief. My ex was Christian; I was raised Christian but have since left it for a different religious tradition. I never quite became comfortable with the fact that he was a Christian who believed in the absolute truth of his religion -- and I don't think he ever became fully comfortable with the fact that I had left Christianity and actively believed that its faith-based tenets were untrue.

[MsDexter]

I think it's hard to date a Christian who believes that Christianity is the only path to salvation if you don't share that belief. My ex was Christian; I was raised Christian but have since left it for a different religious tradition. I never quite became comfortable with the fact that he was a Christian who believed in the absolute truth of his religion -- and I don't think he ever became fully comfortable with the fact that I had left Christianity and actively believed that its faith-based tenets were untrue.

 

Yeah he said he could stay with me if I could guarantee that one day I will become one. But I just don't agree with it I mean some things make sense some values are nice but some other things are just not really answered yet I never got an answer that satisfies my curiosity lol.

[jahur]

what i learned was never go back!

[ramsickle1369]

Yeah he said he could stay with me if I could guarantee that one day I will become one. But I just don't agree with it I mean some things make sense some values are nice but some other things are just not really answered yet I never got an answer that satisfies my curiosity lol.

 

See, to me, regardless of religion, judgment is wrong. It's not up to anyone but each and every person how they choose to live their lives--provided they aren't abusive in some way. (but I will shush now b/c ENA had a strict policy on Religious Talk!)

[MsDexter]

See, to me, regardless of religion, judgment is wrong. It's not up to anyone but each and every person how they choose to live their lives--provided they aren't abusive in some way. (but I will shush now b/c ENA had a strict policy on Religious Talk!)

 

Yea lol we need to keep it quite it's a touchy subject

[thathoopla]

The two biggest lessons I've learnt:

 

- Believe someone by their actions, NOT their words alone.

- Follow your gut instincts. If it doesn't feel right, get out. Don't wait and let things pan out.

[jennb0benn]

Actions speak louder than words.

Never make a decision when angry.

Don't put all eggs in one basket.

Love yourself always.

Promises are conditional...

 

still learning more.

[LousySpy]

To be MYSELF and stop trying so hard to please others so much so that I lose myself and what I stand for in the process and therefore the people who care for me never really know me.

To be HONEST--stop lying, holding things back, and let them know how I really feel.

To state my WANTS-stop waiting for things to happen and allowing things to happen.

TO LOVE myself--cannot be with someone unless I love me.

To DEMAND respect--don't allow to be treated any type of way, stand up for myself.

STop being passive--being passive doesn't help a relationship at all, only makes me resentful and destructive.

 

This, pretty much.

 

Also, NC is absolutely essential during the immediate aftermath of a break up. Give yourself time and space before saying or doing anything.

 

Don't get back together unless you've had enough time to be sure it's what you really want. When we're dumped, it's usually the first thing we think we want. Time, perspective and a clear head can tell us otherwise. And if you do go back, make sure all the issues that caused the break up are brought to the surface, discussed, resolved and truly forgiven. It's a ticking time bomb if not.

 

Not to start off long distance. Some folk might have it in them to make it work, I've learned the hard way that I'm not one of them.

 

Don't victimise myself. It almost always takes two. I only started to heal when I looked at myself and took personal responsibility for my own (re)actions during the relationship. Not by blaming myself but by recognising and admitting to my own flaws and insecurities, I'm determined to work on them for the benefit of me as a person and my future relationships.

 

To forgive. We're all human.

[baxxter]

Don't do everything together, keep some things that are only yours.

 

I used to introduce my guy to my hobbies, and did loads stuff with him thinking, it's great! Now my guy loves what I love!

 

But that only caused massive pain when he left, because I couldn't enjoy my hobbies any more, it brought too many memories back. Not only I lost my love, but also lost my passion for things I cared.

 

Now what I keep what's mine just to myself.

[MsDexter]

Don't do everything together, keep some things that are only yours.

 

I used to introduce my guy to my hobbies, and did loads stuff with him thinking, it's great! Now my guy loves what I love!

 

But that only caused massive pain when he left, because I couldn't enjoy my hobbies any more, it brought too many memories back. Not only I lost my love, but also lost my passion for things I cared.

 

Now what I keep what's mine just to myself.

 

EXACTLY!

 

Now I can barely watch my favourite TV shows, as it reminds me of him and especially cause I got him into them.

[bungalo]

I can't fix her

she can't fix me

hot sex, common interests, and a strong connection doesn't mean

anything if one or both partners are scared of comittment

rose colored glasses must be removed

If you keep going back to someone who dumped you, the balance

of power is still the same...and it's not in your favor

[jahur]

Don't do everything together, keep some things that are only yours.

 

I used to introduce my guy to my hobbies, and did loads stuff with him thinking, it's great! Now my guy loves what I love!

 

But that only caused massive pain when he left, because I couldn't enjoy my hobbies any more, it brought too many memories back. Not only I lost my love, but also lost my passion for things I cared.

 

Now what I keep what's mine just to myself.

 

EXACTLY!

 

Now I can barely watch my favourite TV shows, as it reminds me of him and especially cause I got him into them.

 

god this is so true true true..............

[DeenasRhino]

Never come off as desperate. They will only use that against you to hurt you more.

[Smythe]

...Fixed...

 

Good fix....

[Hell_On_Heels]

In times of stress, don't make any sudden moves, decisions, etc.

Never fall in love quickly. I missed too many warning signs as they passed by in a speed blur.

Dont allow anyone else to define me. Harsh words are meant to wound, but don't let them scar.

[DeenasRhino]

That the first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest.

[JoshHimself]

That the first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest.

 

You'll learn otherwise in time man. I've been through a few, and sometimes the next one hurts worst then the previous.

 

Let's see, I've learned that I need to go with my gut, always taking chances with my hearts gotten it broken.

 

To be more interested in what they want to do, not just what I want to do.

 

I shouldnt drink, its ruined some good things in my life.

 

Not to be so secure, like if things seem to be fine that day, try and make it better, dont get in the same pattern because things will become dry and boring.

 

Love yourself, because without that how can you love the one your with.

 

It's a two lane street. Give what you want back.

 

You cant change someone, they have to want to change for themselves.

 

Love is blind, and no matter how much someone has hurt you, you will always care about them.

 

Don't make the person the center of your earth.

 

And finally moving on from this one is the hardest thing to do. But it has to be done.

[sunday2010]

They don;t ever change,....men that is.

 

that if they say something to do with the future no marriage or kids they most probabbly in my case mean it and won't change their mind, no mattre ho wmuch time goes by.

 

Little things that don't seem right..please question them.from what I can now look back on I realise all the little things did have a deeper meaning or significance.

 

if theres warning bells going off run for the HILLS ....don't waste any time.

 

I may now never get married or have kids.Thats the price I may pay for staying with somebody I thought would change their minds.

[JoshHimself]

Sunday, people can change, guys do later in life. Its called maturing. And believe me guys tend to do this alot later then you guys do. And dont throw away all hope on someone else. Even tho you feel like he is everything. Your going to be ok. Its just going to take some time.

[sunday2010]

Sunday, people can change, guys do later in life. Its called maturing. And believe me guys tend to do this alot later then you guys do. And dont throw away all hope on someone else. Even tho you feel like he is everything. Your going to be ok. Its just going to take some time.

 

yeah thanks Josh I didn't mean to paint men in that manner.i didn't really mean it that way.

 

i didn't really explain myself.You see I really did myself a diservice because about the 3rd or 4th date in we were in a cafe and he said point blank to my face"I am not the guy who will have a house and kids and marry etc tc, so you won't get that from me" he was 28 yrs old at the time and three years later the same thing was still coming out of his mouth. And so it went on..... my parents confronted him once and gave him a talk sometime around the 2.5 yr mark he would of been 30 or 31 and he said point blank to them the same thing.So it was said many many times but I kept thinking he'll mature and yes he will change.It was insane.I kept thinking when he turned 30 and that was 08 his perspective would change but you know what i've seen this sort of thing before they say all this stuff and then they actually do marry down the track, things do actually change but NOT WITH YOU. thats what i'm trying to block out if I ever found out he did change his mind on those things with somebody else I just woudl die.I can't tell you how its affected me I may never have kids now or find my partner.I'm the wrong side of 35 and female.The odds aren't great

 

I think about this every day... he knew too .

[Hell_On_Heels]

Sunday, I've done the same thing - not really listened to what they were telling me. IT's a lesson we learn, though the cost is very high.

 

As for not getting married and having kids because of your age...I'm not buying it. I know a woman who is 45 and is now getting married for the first time. I know lots of people who've waited until their 40s to marry. It ain't over - if that's your dream, then pursue it.

[TurtleDove12]

Sunday, I've done the same thing - not really listened to what they were telling me. IT's a lesson we learn, though the cost is very high.

 

As for not getting married and having kids because of your age...I'm not buying it. I know a woman who is 45 and is now getting married for the first time. I know lots of people who've waited until their 40s to marry. It ain't over - if that's your dream, then pursue it.

 

Exactly. The world will not end today...or tomorrow.

[Shylight]

Never have sex out-side of a relationship.

Never change who you are in hopes of attracting them

Never sell yourself short.

[ramsickle1369]

Women usually change. Men rarely do.

[TurtleDove12]

Women usually change. Men rarely do.

 

Come on now. People rarely change. It's universal.