Is there hope for me yet?

[Wayne24uk]

Hi my name is Wayne,i was recently in a 5year relationship (my first serious and longest yet) and had 2 amazing kids,but this past year i woke up in a womans bed following a party and had no idea of the nights events,as i value honesty i decided to tell my partner a few months later via letter,but i was abit harsh in my wording as i felt i wanted to be punished and acting like i didnt care would help her do that and grieve and hopefully move on,this wasn't the case,she stuck around for months and tried her best to forgive me,but alas as of May 19th this year she finally gave up the fight and dumped me,but just a week later she got into another relationship and i stupidly checked her facebook to which i saw pics of them 2gether already and people saying they are having sex already,i still cry and am in shock at the quickness of her new relationship as she confessed to everybody i was the love of her life and she believed you can only love somebody once,what i want to know is how or if i can ever get her back as i believe she is the love of my life also and i want us to be a family again,but she acts like she doesnt care and is just out for the fun,should i be worried or just stay in contact for the kids and wait for it to dissolve,im scared to death it will work out though and they will be together forever,i really do love her and miss her and i would do anything to hold her in my arms again,any help would be greatly appreciated.

[alli]

It sounds like you made some mistakes which contributed to the demise of your relationship. You cheated on her but waited several MONTHS to tell her because you value honesty? And you told her in a letter, not to her face. That says to me that you weren't willing to face the full ramifications of your actions. You didn't have to see the hurt on her face when she first learned of your unfaithfullness.

 

I understand that it doesn't feel good to see your ex moving on & happy with someone else. It feels good to believe that you are the only person that they will ever be happy with, and if they aren't with you than they won't be happy or fulfilled. But it just doesn't work like that.

 

If she came back to you, it would contribute to an unhealthy relationship cycle. Right now, you probably feel that you would give anything to have her back. But once you have her, will you again cheat on her, then inform her in a letter? Will you treat her well, or will you treat her as a weak & desperate person who came crawling back to someone who doesn't even treat them well?

 

I think it would be best for you if you stopped wishing and waiting for the day for them to break up so you can get her back. Accept the fact that you are no longer together and she is with someone else, so you can get over this and hopefully find someone else that you will not repeat this pattern with, because now you see what happens when you do what you did.

[Wayne24uk]

Well i know i went about it the wrong way and she even admitted that the letter was the worst part,if i would have just told her it might have been different.

 

But if she does ever take me back i wont ever cheat on her again,i will treat her like she should be treated and be the bestest boyfriend i can be for her,i would never again be that immature or disrespectful towards her,i would show her everyday that i appreciate and love her for everything she does.