Got an email this morning

[RockyRaccoon]

Little backstory since it's been a while since i've said anything. Ex broke up with me in January, I decided to go NC in late February hoping we could eventually be friends. She and my best friend start seeing each other a few weeks later, he tells me sometime in March. I sent her a text telling her never to speak to me again, and haven't spoken to her since. I live with the guy so we've exchanged maybe 10 words since then, but i'm moving out July 31 when my lease is up.

 

Last night, she was hanging out at a few friends of mine's place and they invited me over. I didn't know she was there or i wouldn't have gone. I get there and i see she's there, but i decide to stay anyway because i'm tired of not getting to hang out with my friends because of her.

 

Up to this point, i've been pretty sure i've been moving on a lot, and last night proved it. When we first broke up and we were at the same place, she'd be the one talking to people and having fun, and i'd just be sitting there quietly trying not to get upset. Last night, it seemed like the exact opposite. It didn't bother me that she was there. I was having a great time and talking a lot in the group, and i doubt she said more than a sentence.

 

Anyway, so i get up this morning and check my email, and i've got an email from her.

 

"******,

 

It was nice to see you last night. I know you told me to never talk to you again and if you still feel that way then I will respect your wishes from now on. I am forever sorry for hurting you. Please know that I never meant to hurt you in any way and I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible I feel because of it. I hope that eventually you can forgive me and we can work towards being friends. Like I said, it was very nice to see you last night.

 

*******"

 

I'll start by saying there's no chance i'll ever get back together with her. I hadn't actually given being friends with her much thought, but i might eventually be able to be friends with her. I've forgiven her for what she did, my friend is the one i haven't been able to forgive yet. Either way, i still need more time and space for whatever happens.

 

I was thinking of writing something like this back.

 

"******(her),

 

We might eventually be able to be friends, but not now. I still need time and space.

 

******(me)"

 

Just something to tell her that i don't completely despise her anymore, but i'm not ready. I'm going to sit on this and make sure it's really what i want to do, but in the meantime, any input or comments would be welcome.

[DN]

If I were you I wouldn't bother with her at all. Why should you - she should deal with the consequences of her decisions and it isn't up to you to make her feel better.

 

Are they still together?

[ForumGuy]

Since you know there is no chance you will ever be back together, seems like there is no harm in sending her the note you described.

[Ms Darcy]

If I were you I wouldn't bother with her at all. Why should you - she should deal with the consequences of her decisions and it isn't up to you to make her feel better.

 

Are they still together?

 

Agreed. That was janky ... what she did with your friend.

[FrenchFries]

Well good for you, you handled the situation very well. I don't see anything wrong with letting her know you have forgiven her but aren't interested in a friendship at this time. I think it's good to let people know you have forgiven them. It won't alleviate her guilt or make her feel any better, but you have put it out there that she has not hindered you from moving forward with your life.

[RockyRaccoon]

If I were you I wouldn't bother with her at all. Why should you - she should deal with the consequences of her decisions and it isn't up to you to make her feel better.

 

Are they still together?

 

I'm not condoning her actions at all. What she did to me was terrible and hurt me pretty deeply for a while. The thing is though, i can't put all the blame on her. She was still pretty shaken up from the breakup, and she was vulnerable. My friend is the one that took advantage of the situation and showed his true colors. I can safely say that i would not do the same in either of their situations, but i can kind of see why it happened. I don't want to sit here and hold a grudge about this.

 

I honestly have no idea if they're still together or not. I don't really care though, and even if i did, i'm almost positive it's not going to last. It's a little odd though, the apartment i went to was only 3 doors away so i don't know why he wouldn't have gone while she was over there.

 

I'm going to keep thinking about what i want for a few days and decide what to do then. Even if i decide to be friends with her, it probably won't be for another 6 months to a year. Thanks for the input guys, any other input is appreciated.

[Cadence44]

I'm not condoning her actions at all. What she did to me was terrible and hurt me pretty deeply for a while. The thing is though, i can't put all the blame on her. She was still pretty shaken up from the breakup, and she was vulnerable. My friend is the one that took advantage of the situation and showed his true colors.

 

It sounds like you've gotten good advice but I just wanted to comment on this. I see your explanation as kind of like being cheated on and blaming the other man/woman for it. She absolutely knew that getting with your friend would hurt you. Being vulnerable after a breakup is no excuse.

[RockyRaccoon]

It sounds like you've gotten good advice but I just wanted to comment on this. I see your explanation as kind of like being cheated on and blaming the other man/woman for it. She absolutely knew that getting with your friend would hurt you. Being vulnerable after a breakup is no excuse.

 

I agree with you completely, which is why i would never get back together with her. It is almost inevitable that i'm going to see her a lot eventually though. We have the same friends, so i can't avoid her forever. Would it not be best to at least be friendly? Not even close friends, but not being rude and ignoring the other person?

[iBroken]

Dont even reply to that email - silence speaks volumes......

[jenna-is-here]

Errr. What she did was crappy. There are just somethings I wont do (date best friends of ex's is one of them) unless it is years later. But anyway, it happened and it was crappy.

 

I applaud you for how you have handled it all. Her email annoys me because she is looking to you to comfort her for feeling crappy about her crappy actions. I am glad you know she feels like that. And I would not waste one ounce of energy easing her pain.

 

If you wrote back anything it would be along the lines of,

 

"Seriously, Im fine (aka get over yourself). I probably wont really ever be friends with you because I just dont respect you."

 

That may be a bit harsh but that is the attitude I have

[DN]

She was still pretty shaken up from the breakup, and she was vulnerable. My friend is the one that took advantage of the situation and showed his true colors.

He could not have taken advantage of her had she not allowed it. She's an adult.

[Mustachio]

I would either say nothing, or just a brief response along the lines of, "hey dont worry about, but ill let you know if or when I want to be friends with you"

 

But you have gotten some good advice, either way, best of luck to you in deciding what you want to do

[RockyRaccoon]

After sitting on it for a few hours, i've started to lean toward just not saying anything. There's still a possibility of being friends with her down the road if i choose, but she'll just have to find out when/if i choose to be her friend.

 

Still going to wait a few days before i make my final decision, but that's most likely it.

 

Saw her again today actually. I was helping a mutual friend move (heavy lifting/assembling stuff) and she showed up to help. Same deal as last night when we were in the same room. I seem to be the one faring better at this point. It's a nice feeling.

[Maverick44]

I would either say nothing, or just a brief response along the lines of, "hey dont worry about, but ill let you know if or when I want to be friends with you"

 

But you have gotten some good advice, either way, best of luck to you in deciding what you want to do

 

I'd have agreed with something like this.

 

IMO, you will probably not remain friends. Seems to be the path that is usually taken with these types of things regardless of statements or intentions by either person.

 

Maverick

[ForumGuy]

"I seem to be the one faring better at this point. It's a nice feeling."

 

That is a nice feeling isn't it? I remember my latest ex....I wasn't doing that good, but doing OK. I thought she was doing well from her internet posts of how great she was doing every day. Then, she broke NC and I realized (she even admitted) she wasn't getting along well at all.

 

Also, the suggested "get over herself" line from one poster. I blurted out to mine one day "don't flatter yourself"....didn't mean to mess her up, but it sure did....she is still thinking about it weeks later.

[RockyRaccoon]

A decision has been reached. I will not be responding to her email and I will never be her friend. After talking with a mutual friend last night, we agreed that she was just trying to make herself feel better and i'm not going to have any part of that. I guess when i first got the email a few feelings came back for her. Not enough to get back together with her, but to at least be friends. She hurt me and i have no desire to be friendly with her. I guess i forgot what a *#%@! she was for a little while yesterday. I'm glad i had to good sense to wait and let things sink in before i took any action. Thanks for the good advice everybody. Hopefully i won't be needing anymore from here on out.

[RockyRaccoon]

So i found out today that they broke up this weekend. What comes around goes around i guess.

 

Well this awkward chapter of my life is over.

[Cadence44]

So i found out today that they broke up this weekend. What comes around goes around i guess.

 

Well this awkward chapter of my life is over.

 

Even more of a reason not to respond to her. She's looking to lean on you emotionally. That must suck to realize that she lost that person that once upon a time would have done anything to be there for her and help her through her pain, huh?

 

Hugs to you. This must feel so surreal.

[RockyRaccoon]

Hugs to you. This must feel so surreal.

 

Honestly, not really. I've moved on so much that it didn't really matter to me anymore whether they were dating or not. It didn't concern me and i didn't care. Of course i'm a little satisfied, because i knew it would never last, i just didn't know how long it would go on.

[Cadence44]

Honestly, not really. I've moved on so much that it didn't really matter to me anymore whether they were dating or not. It didn't concern me and i didn't care. Of course i'm a little satisfied, because i knew it would never last, i just didn't know how long it would go on.

 

Even better. But I'm still hugging you, whether you like it or not.

[RockyRaccoon]

Haha, thanks. Hugs will never be refused here,

[rudegirl]

Honestly, not really. I've moved on so much that it didn't really matter to me anymore whether they were dating or not. It didn't concern me and i didn't care. Of course i'm a little satisfied, because i knew it would never last, i just didn't know how long it would go on.

 

I love this attitude & can't wait til I feel this way about my ex. That's when you know you're good. Right now I still want karma to bite him in the butt, but I really don't want to care at all.