3rd Date, did I drop the ball at the end?

[BriarRose]

You ask her out again, if she says yes, she is interested. I don't think too many women would accept a 4th date if there was no chemistry (I wouldn't accept a 2nd one). If she wavers or says maybe or she is busy - forget it....

 

Don't ask her last minute. A few days notice....

[LetsGo]

If you're doubting if she is interested, just read what you wrote here:

 

...She really began to open up to me and tell me about herself and her past, it was great. On the way from leaving the show, I reached out to hold her hand and she looked at me quizzically, so I asked her "Can I hold your hand?" to which she responded "Yes." She periodically would suggest things for us to do together in the future, and she told me that I treated her really well, so that was all going well. But here is where I feel like a klutz. At the end of the date I gave her a few CD's and a DVD (just some stuff that she would be interested in) and looked into her eyes. She smiled...

 

You thought her reaction meant she wasn't interested in holding your hand, but that wasn't the case, because she did eventually. Now the kiss is different– for her. It would be too much for her head to deal with, especially if she's got this issue with intimacy you mentioned.

 

I think she's interested: "She periodically would suggest things for us to do together in the future, and she told me that I treated her really well" What does that tell you? And you also mentioned that she texted you saying she had a good time. What does that tell you?

 

But if you don't like her anymore because she isn't clear with her affections you have to tell her that's why. Don't disappear assuming she wouldn't care because she never showed any interest (And I really hope I don't come off as bitter with that, lol). It would be the best thing you could do for yourself and for her. So when she reflects on why she let a great guy go, she'll know that it was because of her issues, instead of wondering if she did something that offended you or grossed you out or whatever. Hopefully she'll then work out her issues. Think of it as altruistic, haha.

[BriarRose]

I agree with Letsgo that she has shown signs of interest. I can't speak for other women, but If I had no interest (or felt no attraction), I would not suggest future activities to do together, and I would not make contact of any kind, including texting.

[Curious_Girl]

I wonder if she is doing the same thing as the guy who does cheap stuff with women on the first few dates, but with sex/physical intimacy.

 

Is she very pretty? If so, she has doubtless experienced a lot of men who only really care about her looks, not who she really is.

[Lastchallenge]

I wonder if she is doing the same thing as the guy who does cheap stuff with women on the first few dates, but with sex/physical intimacy.

 

Is she very pretty? If so, she has doubtless experienced a lot of men who only really care about her looks, not who she really is.

 

no they don't hold my hand they usally just sleep with me by the third hang out... I don't even call it dating I call it hang out....

I try to cheap to distinguish goldiggers because I can't stand golddiggers... Try pulling up to a club in a lateral g pro touring dodge challenger.

[bar35]

If you're doubting if she is interested, just read what you wrote here:

 

You thought her reaction meant she wasn't interested in holding your hand, but that wasn't the case, because she did eventually. Now the kiss is different– for her. It would be too much for her head to deal with, especially if she's got this issue with intimacy you mentioned.

 

I think she's interested: And you also mentioned that she texted you saying she had a good time. What does that tell you?

 

But if you don't like her anymore because she isn't clear with her affections you have to tell her that's why. Don't disappear assuming she wouldn't care because she never showed any interest (And I really hope I don't come off as bitter with that, lol).

 

You're right that how she expresses herself is making things difficult for me, and maybe negatively influencing my desire to be with her, but I also agree with you in that I think that it would be inappropriate at this point to disappear without telling her why. There is a cultural aspect to all of this too. She is Japanese, independent to be sure, and has lived here for over 10 years, nevertheless very much Japanese. When we went out she wore a kimono which takes about 30-45 minutes to put on. Out of respect to her dressing so formally, I wore a suit and tie, and it was 85-90 degrees before the evening fell.

 

I agree with Letsgo that she has shown signs of interest. I can't speak for other women, but If I had no interest (or felt no attraction), I would not suggest future activities to do together, and I would not make contact of any kind, including texting.

 

I absolutely agree. I break things off myself immediately when there is no interest. She has plenty of friends too, is actually quite popular in social sphere in NYC. So there is no need whatsoever for her to be spending time with me.

 

I wonder if she is doing the same thing as the guy who does cheap stuff with women on the first few dates, but with sex/physical intimacy.

 

Is she very pretty? If so, she has doubtless experienced a lot of men who only really care about her looks, not who she really is.

 

She is absolutely very pretty, a successful entrepreneur, and highly concentrated on developing her business. She seldom stops working. She is well traveled, and elegant. As well as, an unrevealed wild side. But there is a deep reserve there. Again, this could be cultural.

 

I am certain that there are men who would be intimidated by her strength as well as her attractiveness.

 

Calling her today is probably the best move, or tomorrow. I don't want to let this linger.

[jazzpur]

if you think that she is "too good" for you... act like she doesnt deserve a double take... you are being way too kind my friend.

 

if you make her "think" that you can do better, she my try to keep YOU around...not vice versa

[bar35]

I don't feel that she is too good for me, but I am glad that you said that, because I was definitely feeling it previously. Fortunately that nonsense is slipping away.

 

And you're right, perception is very important here.