3rd Date, did I drop the ball at the end?

[bar35]

Ok, so each and every post I am doubting myself, but somehow I am inching along here. The girl that I am totally into and I went out on our third date. We had a really good time I think. She seemed to act as if she did, after all we went to Cirque Du Soleil. She dressed beautifully, and every person we bumped into told her how gorgeous she looked, every single one. Following the show we went for some dinner and a drink. She really began to open up to me and tell me about herself and her past, it was great. On the way from leaving the show, I reached out to hold her hand and she looked at me quizzically, so I asked her "Can I hold your hand?" to which she responded "Yes." She periodically would suggest things for us to do together in the future, and she told me that I treated her really well, so that was all going well. But here is where I feel like a klutz. At the end of the date I gave her a few CD's and a DVD (just some stuff that she would be interested in) and looked into her eyes. She smiled, and I leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back some. So I asked her if I could, after all there was a precedent established, she offered me her cheek. I tried again, and got the same result. Nevertheless I think that we left on positive, albeit awkward terms. I really do believe that she had a good time overall. This is just an unusual pace for me, and I don't know what to do here. I am really accustomed to much clearer sentiment. The problem is that the more that I get to know her, the more that I like her. It has progressed, but wow, this is tough. How hard do I keep pursuing?

[dr_styles]

Asked her out for another date from those suggestions she gave then? (don't mention anything about *that* moment).

There isn't much feedback to go on really except to say you had a really nice date

[arwen]

Maybe she tends to take things really slow in dating. I wouldn't be surprised; she could be scared that from kissing it could easily go to more than kissing, and maybe she just isn't 'there yet'. The date sounds great, and... no girl dresses up the way you describe if she doesn't fancy her date

 

I say: have patience and ask her out for another date this weekend or so.

[BriarRose]

I would say a peck on the cheek by the 3rd date might be indicitive that the chemistry isn't really there, but you can ask her out again and see.

[bar35]

I am of all the similar thoughts that have been posted. There is little question that she warmed up considerably in our conversation, but it does concern me that we didn't kiss.

 

On the other hand, as Arwen said, she probably wouldn't have dressed up so nice if she wasn't into it, or she could have just been showing off.

 

I suppose that the only thing that I can do here is to ask her out on another date, but it is beginning to drag on for me.

 

I was sort of thinking that I could just wait for her to contact me at this point, because I sort of feel like I am throwing time, and LOTS of money into a black hole. In other words this is getting really frustrating.

[mmmd]

i would say you're toast and to move on

 

pulling back from a kiss on the lips and offering a cheek has nothing to do with taking things slow.

[bar35]

Ouch, but it is hard not to agree. What would you think if I we were to go out again?

[testcase]

Give it one more date maybe she is just really shy. I mean don't get me wrong I like to get in a kiss by the second date at the latest... and I'm sure u do to. Who knows though everyone moves at their own speed. Maybe you should go with what you suggested earlier. Let her contact you and if she does go on one more date and see how it plays out.

[Ms Darcy]

It doesn't look great buddy. I'm not sure if she's attracted to you. Maybe try another date and see.

[bar35]

This hurts. I hate to feel unattractive. It makes me feel sad and bad about myself.

 

She just sent me a text and said thanks for everything that she loved the show and to have a nice weekend.

 

I wish that she would just blow me off, or tell me not interested if this was going nowhere.

[mmmd]

sorry dude.

 

she probably just likes the things you do with her. nice guy who takes her out to fancy events and gives her free stuff.

 

you'll be alright.

[Lastchallenge]

Hmm.... This is why I always stay cheap! It never fails! If u go around spending all this money and you put them first at the end u feel all sad n down!

 

You need to be simple and cheap! On the first date I drive a beater car, I get fast food I have a good time by the third date if they hanged then I roll out the challenger and hit the better spots by then it's progressed and I've seen enough for them to keep me interested. My x was always dating saps who threw Money at her and all they got was a " thanks for dinner", the first time we went out we went to mc donalds...

[bar35]

I hear ya guys. Lesson learned. Last time I ever try to impress a girl.

[mmmd]

if you can't impress a girl by being gentlemanly, intelligent, clean-cut, etc., then she isn't worth impressing.

[Fudgie]

Nothing wrong with impressing a girl...just don't do it by throwing money at her.

 

My boyfriend really impressed me when he cooked me dinner. It was not expensive and he didn't have to go out and buy me all these crazy ingredients, just some fish. It was the best thing ever and I have to say, it impressed me more than if he had taken me out to some fancy place.

 

It's all about being genuine and original, not about spending money and stuff. I would not spend lots of money on a girl until at least a few dates in and she is reciprocating the interest.

[kiwifly]

I hear ya guys. Lesson learned. Last time I ever try to impress a girl.

 

After you posted on mine saying you're in a similar situation I decided to check out yours, and I have to say that you did nothing wrong! Listen, what you describe is basically how I would want a guy to treat me. Don't take her cold response as a sign that this is how all women will react to how you acted.

 

On the other hand though from what you described and how she contacted you after I would say that she does like you but just wants to take it slow. The kiss attempt may have been awkward but if she didn't like you she wouldn't have contacted you to let you know she had a nice time. If I were you I would ask her out again and see what happens.

[mmmd]

if she liked him and said she wanted to go slow, she would've explicitly said so.

[Lastchallenge]

Yeah sounds like she wants to be friends because she just text him saying have a nice weekend? Does that mean she expects to hear from him until Monday?

[bar35]

Nothing wrong with impressing a girl...just don't do it by throwing money at her.

 

It's all about being genuine and original, not about spending money and stuff. I would not spend lots of money on a girl until at least a few dates in and she is reciprocating the interest.

 

You're absolutely right, but we all try to put our best foot forward too. Do you go on your first dates dressed in t shirts and jeans? It's a difficult balance to strike. We met online, so maybe I didn't adapt to well. I dunno.

 

you did nothing wrong! Listen, what you describe is basically how I would want a guy to treat me. Don't take her cold response as a sign that this is how all women will react to how you acted.

 

On the other hand though from what you described and how she contacted you after I would say that she does like you but just wants to take it slow. The kiss attempt may have been awkward but if she didn't like you she wouldn't have contacted you to let you know she had a nice time.

 

I would like to believe that it is possible that she wants to move slowly, and I appreciate your support. I really don't want to get my hopes up at this point. This situation hurts, similar to your experience.

 

Yeah sounds like she wants to be friends because she just text him saying have a nice weekend? Does that mean she expects to hear from him until Monday?

 

It does sound like she just wants to be friends. An impossible place to recover from romantically. However, if we are to develop a friendship that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Maybe I could meet someone through her, she did suggest that we go out with her and a few of her friends in the next couple of weeks to sing karaoke.

 

if you can't impress a girl by being gentlemanly, intelligent, clean-cut, etc., then she isn't worth impressing.

 

Fair 'nuf, qualities I definitely maintain.

[Ms Darcy]

I hear ya guys. Lesson learned. Last time I ever try to impress a girl.

 

It's not a crime if she's not as attracted to him as the other way. You can always be open with her and let her know you aren't feeling a vibe from her side and just move on. No need to get bitter bud.

 

You can have all the best qualities and not be attractive to a particular girl. What people want is very personal and specific. Good luck.

[bar35]

It's not a crime if she's not as attracted to him as the other way. You can always be open with her and let her know you aren't feeling a vibe from her side and just move on. No need to get bitter bud.

 

You can have all the best qualities and not be attractive to a particular girl. What people want is very personal and specific. Good luck.

 

True, and in an emotionally empty existence I would not feel anything. Thanks for telling me how I should feel or not feel.

[Fudgie]

You're absolutely right, but we all try to put our best foot forward too. Do you go on your first dates dressed in t shirts and jeans? It's a difficult balance to strike. We met online, so maybe I didn't adapt to well. I dunno.

 

Honestly, it depends on the date. When I first went out with my boyfriend, I wore NICE jeans and a nice dress shirt. My hair was washed/brushed, but I didn't wear make-up (he told me he hated make-up). You're right, it's a difficult balance to strike. You just don't want to go out and spend too much on someone who then may not reciprocate.

I met my boyfriend online too.

 

I think the best thing you can do to impress the girl is be genuine. Think of her "favourites" and then do things for her based on those. It doesn't have to be expensive. For example, if she love love LOVES lilacs, instead of buying them for her or something, you could find some park/garden that has them locally and take a walk to enjoy them together.

 

Don't underestimate the "favourite" things. You can really do nice things for a girl that she loves inexpensively and it shows that you really care about her interests and pay attention to her.

You sound like a nice guy and I'm sure you have a lot to offer...just be sure not too spend too much too early.

 

Good luck.

[Ms Darcy]

True, and in an emotionally empty existence I would not feel anything. Thanks for telling me how I should feel or not feel.

 

I hope you didn't talk to her like this on your date.

[bar35]

Honestly, it depends on the date. When I first went out with my boyfriend, I wore NICE jeans and a nice dress shirt. You just don't want to go out and spend too much on someone who then may not reciprocate.

I met my boyfriend online too.

 

Don't underestimate the "favourite" things. You can really do nice things for a girl that she loves inexpensively and it shows that you really care about her interests and pay attention to her.

You sound like a nice guy and I'm sure you have a lot to offer...just be sure not too spend too much too early.

 

I appreciate that. I do consider myself to be very attentive and I try to anticipate what another person will like based upon their expressed interests.

 

For me the bottom line, is not really the bottom line ($$), I think that I really feel more extended emotionally than financially. Money comes and goes, as does feelings.

 

Honestly I enjoy spending money and time with women who I am interested in. I am a bit of a traditionalist in that regard. At the end of the day though, I'll land on my feet.

 

I hope you didn't talk to her like this on your date.

 

Why would I have spoken to her like this on my date? I realize that you are just trying to be supportive, but have you never felt invested then frustrated, disappointed and confused and expressed it?

[BriarRose]

Interesting....so she did text you and tell you she had a good time, etc. If she had no interest or no attraction, she would not have contacted you. Maybe she has intimacy issues or something, but there is some interest there.