Its over..im hurting..please help

[hellohello1]

so my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me last tuesday, saying he had doubts about us and he just couldnt be wtih me. he said it was a distinct possibility we would get back together but that he needed time away. he has written me poems, and done the most sweetest romantic things for me throughout our entire relationship. this hurts really bad. so i didnt contact him for a few days and then he contacted me asking me what i was up to. nothing serious. and then on sunday i called him and said i feel like im in limbo, and i want to talk because i need to know whether i need to move on. so on monday i go over there and he told me on thursday he asked a girl out for coffee, but that he doesnt really know her and didnt do anything wtih her (i believe him). he says he thinks i should move on, and i say ok, and then when i leave i say i want you to know i really think youre making a big mistake, so he starts crying and says i really need to think, and he takes the necklace he gave me when he asked me out and said can i hold on to this and think about things. i text him the day after asking him what time he wantd t omeet on thursday to talk about things, he said we will see.

 

i was angry because it sounded like he was ditching me. so i did not answer his text. i went to his work and gave him a letter..he read it, and then i asked him to call me after he thought about it. so i get a call last night saying that we need to move on. it hurts so bad. he was crying on the phoen and had a hard tiem saying it. we talked all the time about getting married one day, and he always told me we were soulmates. i aksed him why he did this and he said that he slowly was starting to get doubts a little while ago and it just progressed to this point. he needs to do this to figure out what he really wants. i told him i still think that we are meant to be together. i asked if he thought we were meant to be together still and he said im not sure. i asked if everything he said before was real, when he said before that we were meant to be and he said yes, he meant it all, but now he has doubts. im in so much pain, this is the worst thing that has honestly ever happened to me in my entire life. we were boyfriend/girlfriend but also best friends and shared everythign with each other. i told him that i could not talk to him and he said i hope one day we can be friends and i said i dont think that will happen. we will have to talk again sometime relatively soon as we have some stuff of each others. i asked him if he thought he would regret this and he said maybe. he said that he just really needs to do this. i understand im not angry wtih him, im really really hurt. i never ever thought this would happen...please help me

[IvantheAvg]

A relationship ending is like a death...shock, grieving, and mourning are all part of it...just give yourself some time...then one day the sunshines and you decide to go forward.

[hellohello1]

i just still want to be with him..it hurts...it kills..i lost my the love of my life and my best friend because he is confused and has doubts about us...man it kills....i dont know how i will ever get over this..i dont want to get over this. i believe he is making a stupid mistake...

[JusticeLaw9]

So he says he was having doubts, doubts about what exactly? And why do you think he was uncertain about the relationship after two years? Usually a breakup starts before the relationship is officially over. Typically it starts to fall apart piece by piece until it eventually evaporates. You start seeing things like communication go, time spent together, tolerance, affection feels more awkward and distant...

 

Talk to us, what happened?

[ToF]

I'm so sorry, sweetheart

 

I'm going to be totally honest here. If he's already asking other girls out, he's over it. He may be crying and unsure of how to interact with you, but he's DONE. He wants to be with other people, but he doesn't want to lose you for good in case those people don't work out. And odds are, he really cares about you and does not want to see you hurting.

 

But look past his WORDS and see his ACTIONS. He went on another date, he took your necklace back, and he's not sure about meeting up to talk to you. Those things all point to him being over it, and ready to move on. And even his words (which can be unreliable a lot of the time) are telling you to move on. He would not tell you that if he didn't mean it.

 

He is done, and I'm sorry

[hellohello1]

well, when he said doubts he said that for the past little while he had slowly gotten doubts that we would last..it just doesnt make sense...just 2 weeks ago he had mentioned something about our future. he did this last tuesday, and the weekend before that he was gone away visitng his best friend who is getting married and i think it scared him. he told me he felt he had "cold feet". he said that he had slowly been gradually thinking about this stuff but i never thought he would actually let me go. i really really really want him to realize what a big mistake he is making. on valentines day of this year he wrote me such a sweet poem, i asked him about it if he meant it. he said yes. that was only 3 months ago. he said he is just unsure of things, he needs to figure out who he is. regardless, i know he needs to do this. i know that i need to move on, but all i want to do is be with him. everyone i know is shocked that he did this, and never saw it coming. he was sooooo in love with me...like he really was. what do i do?? i dont want to move on..i feel like he is the love of my life.....

[hellohello1]

please help me..i dont even know what im asking for..im just in so much pain. cannot believe this..just cant believe it...he was crying on the phone last night and so was i. we will have to meet up eventually we said to get my necklace back and some other things. i told him that i couldnt contact him and could not be friends. this is a huge crisis for me. we both work in teh mall (at different stores) and both go to the same school. this is so painful..i have never felt anything like this pain ever in my life...why doesnt he want me? in the letter i gave him yesterday i asked him to give it a chance, he said he thought about it but thought we should move on. he is so stubborn and dead-set on his ways..he is being so stupid. he really has no idea that he will regret thsi one day, and i know he will..

[Lori123]

It's hard to leave someone you love, even though you know it is right. You will try to convince yourself to stay. You'll say things to them about your future together, give them gifts or cards, and every bit of it is coming from the heart. But deep inside, something is eating at you. You know you should break up, but you just don't want to.

 

When you actually do it, it's upsetting. You cry. You try to hold onto them. You worry that you're making a mistake. But something else is compelling you to do this.

 

That's how I've felt when breaking up with people I cared for, and it sounds like this is how he feels. He does not mean to be sending you mixed messages, or giving you false hope. But he really, truly is done with the relationship.

 

It's hard for both of you. He sounds like a great guy who hates hurting you, and still cares about your feelings. For now, the best thing you can do is to give yourself and him some space. Don't contact him anymore. Go through your grieving process, and be kind to yourself. Try to indulge yourself in little ways -- take extra care of yourself. Things like long baths, buttercream cakes, watching favorite movies. Whatever little treats you typically enjoy. And make sure to make time for your friends. Lean on them, and let them try to help you get through this rough time.

[hellohello1]

i understand. i really do think he is making a mistake. im in so much pain..he has written so many poems for me, taken me to look out at the stars, surprised me by putting a flower on my car, dressing up and singing romantic music and dancing with me..he is such a romantic guy..he was so in love with me..i asked him if all he said was true and he said yes it was all true..how could this have gone away?? i dont understand..we want the same things in life (marriage kids, living in the same city). we wanted dogs. we have a lot in common, and have fun together. he is very busy right now he has 2 jobs and is a full tiem student and i have 1 job and am a full tiem student. i think this cause a lot of damage, because we never got to spend time together, and when we did it was never quality time..im in so much pain though...he told me he is going to miss me. i said i love you and he said i love you too. i wonder if he will ever think he made a huge mistake? he says he doesnt know if im the love of his life...i just want to die...

[hellohello1]

i dont think he actually realizes what he has done. and what he is doing..i lost my boyfirend and my best friend...the most important person in my life...

[botticelli]

Wow it was shocking to me to read this... I feel that I am in the position of your boyfriend right now.. only I haven't broken up with my bf yet (but have been seriously contemplating it). If your boyfriend feels like i do, then he is just really confused and even though he loves you a lot (doesn't want anything bad to happen to you, and wants you to find happiness), he feels that you are a weight on his shoulder... you are a big comfort to him (my bf is also my best friend) but your bf feels somewhat trapped when he was with you. idk what to do about my situation, but i feel that i can empathize with your bf. I'm very sorry this happened to you and i hope you feel better. I'm sure it also hurt your bf to do this to you.

[hellohello1]

i just want to be with him....i just want to be with him so bad..this is the hardest thing ive ever gone through...i have lost the most important person in my life...will he ever realize he made a mistake?

[botticelli]

I think he does realise it but he just didn't see any other way out, im sorry

[Lori123]

I know how bad it hurts. But you will find love again, and when you do, you'll be so happy this happened the way it did. Whether you two find your way back to each other, or you wind up with other people, for some reason, you both need this time to grow. The hurt will begin to ease up, and you will start to feel normal again. Just give yourself some time.

[hellohello1]

its so painful. i talked to his mom today and she said he was crying all last night and was really hurting bad..i understand i need to move on..im hurting bad..his mom said that he really needs to think about things as he doenst know what he wants, and to at least wait until school is over (2 weeks or so) before we even try to contact each other..i agree that this is the best thing i can do but it is sooooooo hard i am just in so much pain

[eden760]

I hope you are doing better, I don't have much to say becasue I am in your same exact shoes. It is tremendously painful. If there was something we could "fix" like we fight too much, you do this or that... it would be better than he just doubts if you are meant to be together and wants to move on.

 

 

I wish you all the peace in the world. I know it is hard, but what you need more than anything ....if you have not found it yet.. is belief in yourself.

[mels1217]

hi... i don't have any advice. i just wanted to say, im in a similar situation as you.

 

we were together a little over 3 years. we planned to be married next summer... i even had a diamond ring.

 

up until about 4 days before he broke up with me, he made statements about our future together as well.

 

then out of the blue (there were no obvious signs... he may have been contemplating it for a couple of weeks... but there were no signs...), he dumps me... VIA EMAIL!

 

during the first week of our break up (he had initially called it a "break"), he called me in the middle of the night, said he loved me & missed me. the next day, he was talking about lady gaga, & said, "you know were gonna go see her together right!?" i said "no..." ...i was so confused. a few days later he said he had been ready to get back together, but then he decided not to. he wants time to himself- without being in a relationship. he doesn't know if he's in love anymore. all that terrible stuff that just kills my heart to even type...

 

it's been a little less than 6 weeks & the pain is as strong as ever. i can't move on because i don't want to move on. like you, i feel like we're meant for each other. no one gets him like i do... no one gets me like he does. i feel horrible pain every day & think of him every minute... literally. it's terrible. he's even in my dreams. i can't escape it.

 

it's been 3.5 days of NC & i feel physically ill.

 

so... i don't know what to say except, i do know the pain you're going through, and you're not alone. he was my best friend. my partner. my future husband. he said those things as well, not just me. and he's gone now... and im helpless over the whole thing.

 

not to mention this weekend i have to be a bridesmaid... how the hell am i gonna get through a wedding in one piece, when i can't even watch tv, b/c i can't bear to look at happy couples?