what some signs of being emotional controlling?

[sean68]

hello whos out there.

 

i was curious if anyone had some ideas on when you know your with someone who is emotionally controlling or manipulative?

 

ive been with someone for a year now and in that time it appears that everything has to happen on her watch.

 

some examples are,

not wanting to talk about our relationship. she never does. unless, she thinks i did something wrong. then i get an ear full, without her really listening to what i have to say.

when i bring something up that has been bothering me or its something ive been feeling,then she most always takes it as fighting when its just a matter of checking in with your person, or wanting to discuss something that your feeling.

it may not always be comfortable but she is super quick to get defensive.

 

if we do have a fight, she basically checks out. i sometimes dont hear from her in days or a week and more. its that fight or flight syndrome.

 

she accuses me of something that i actually never did, and does so without talking to me about it. she just convicts me in her own mind and it stays that way.

 

she says im unsupportive even when im at her place all time and having dinner ready when she gets home.

on top of that, she is constantly saying to me "im not working now"...which is true, im not. she says it in a way that is a jab at me and uses it against me.

 

she pretty much non sexual. she has a personal reason for not wanting a part of her body touched, which is fine. but we dont even make out or fool around. we havent had real intimacy is so long im ashamed to even say it.

 

i think i know the answer here, but im just wanting to know what objective opinions you all have on the matter.

 

and maybe some of you have gone through this sort of thing before. i just feel alone in this. and am seeking advice.

[DN]

Why are you still with her? She seems to be a most uncomfortable person with whom to be in a relationship. Why not find someone less problematical?

[wheatgrass82]

You THINK you know the answer here??!!! you think? I know you know the answer.... If you were totally truthfull in that account or your relationship..... kick her to the proverbial curb sweetheart..!!

 

Instead of wondering why should you leave by listing the afforementioned points, wonder WHY ON EARTH WOULD I STAY?

 

straight up dude... she sounds selfish and messed up.. she sounds cruel and down right nuts... toatlly selfish...

 

and you sound totally sweet..

 

some ppl confuse kindness with stupidity... DON"T LET THAT BE YOU

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[SandiGirl]

By the information you are giving us, she sounds like a whole lotta drama. Was there abuse in her childhood? It really seems like she has a wall up and that is not something you can "fix" or "change". She will be like this with anyone she is with until she becomes more wise and makes the necessary changes she needs for self-improvement.

[nutbrownhare]

i was curious if anyone had some ideas on when you know your with someone who is emotionally controlling or manipulative?

There's conflict at times in most relationships and that's just an inevitable part of being closely involved with someone. However, there's a difference between honest disagreement and the kind of one-sided 'my way or the highway' attitude your girlfriend is showing, which is obviously a core part of her personality.

 

The short answer is that the person on the receiving end of emotional abuse will experience an erosion of self-esteem and feel crazy at times.

 

I can't understand why you're still with this girl - there are warning bells here like nothing on earth. If you are still strongly attached to her despite her treatment of you, and if this is not your only relationship like this, then get professional help as you disentangle from her.

 

It's difficult to see that you're getting anything at all from this relationship - apart from pain and heartache.

[WomanWriter]

Twists your words around and puts words in your mouth that you never said

Justifies behavior by comparing it to something you've done

Downplays your concerns by making it sound like you're the one with the problem

Tells you what you are going to do rather than asking ("Tonight we are going to...")

Makes you feel bad for not doing what they want...like there is something wrong with you for not complying