Someone please listen to me and dismiss what Im saying...

[tinydancer81]

Im so desperate now, I feel like crying. I really really feel sad for my son, Im highly convinced he has a slight touch of ADHD. Now the funny thing is, if we got a positive diagnosis I would be far from upset, more relieved as I would now know how deal with his behaviour. He's impulsive, impatient and nothing seems to hold his attention at all. Im so sick and tired of being told he is 'just a normal 6 yr old'. Because it isn't normal, not everyday all day. Its exhausting and frustrating. Im scared for him Im scared for my babyson and Im scared for other children around him. Friends without children think he's 'cool' 'funny' etc, but friends with children sympathise and really try to help me.

 

His behaviour has gotten so out of hand before that his teacher has had to call me at home and ask me to speak to him to calm him down when he's flipped out at school. Now there has been some big changes in the last year but his behaviour has gone beyond what you would expect for a child to be acting out when they go through changes.

Im a good parent I believe, I really watch what he eats and drinks ( trying to avoid too many food and drink colourings), I use calm and firm tones when trying to talk him down from bad behaviour. Me and DH try our hardest not to spank as we believe this just enforces his belief its ok to hit others. I validate his feelings, ie ' I know your angry right now but ..../I know your upset ....'

I also try to keep him amused as much as I can without neglecting my babyson/house duties etc. As I type this he's gone from watching the movie I put on for him to nearly climbing in my lap to see what Im doing....it is relentless somedays and exhausting.

 

I plan to take him to see a dr this week and am praying they will listen to me and not dismiss me as a hysterical mother.

[annie24]

good luck at the doctor's. i hope you get some answers.

[KG]

A good doctor won't see you as an hysterical mother, but as a concerned one. Good luck!

[tinydancer81]

Thank you. I've just been talking to my own mother and she is backing me all the way. We've come up with a plan to take out all foods and drinks in his diet that contain red dye no#40 (i think thats what its called). My mum was a childminder for years and had two children with this problem, she said taking certain things out of their diet helps. Now I just have to wait til tuesday to see a dr

[meen]

How much daily exercise does he get?

 

It's great that you're taking care of his diet.

[turnera]

What about natural foods versus processed foods?

[annie24]

i was also wondering about his exercise and sugar consumption. maybe some sports league?

[tinydancer81]

he is quite a active boy, im always getting him out in the open. I took him to the bowling alley twice this weekend. And as he's in Kindergarten he has recess to run around. We do try and stop by the park on the way home from school too, and I try to take him somewhere fun at least once a weekend. Its kind of hard right now with DH being deployed and having a 3mth old too.

[tinydancer81]

I dont know if I mentioned in the OP but Im signing him up for his first baseball season next month and plan to enroll him in Tigercubs come august

[turnera]

btw, thank you guys for your husband serving.

[tinydancer81]

NP turnera, he's proud to do it and Im so proud of him too.

 

aww always brings a tear to my eye when someone says thank you...Im so proud of him

[SnowFox]

I hope you can get your son properly assessed by someone who knows how to diagnose emotional/behavioral problems in young children.

 

If your son's behavior is interfering in his functioning at home or at school, then it needs to be assessed.

 

There is a book I would recommend to you that might give you some useful ideas about how to react to your son's behavior - link removed.

[tinydancer81]

Thanks Tennessee girl! I'll look that up.

 

We have a doctors appt people! Next monday at 8:20am....wish us luck!

[BellaDonna]

Tiny,

 

Part of the proglem with diagnosing children is that most disorders (for instance ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder) are actually just exaggerated versions of perfectly normal behavior in children. If you consider individual differences in development and energy levels, and temperment, as well as environmental factors, it can make things even more complicated.

 

The best type of professional to assess your son's situation is likely not his general family doctor or general pediatrician, but rather a "developmental pediatrician". They have much more expertise and training than an average doctor/pediatrician and are well-informed on the complexity involved with behavioral issues in children. Here is an example of one, which provides an explanation about how their knowledge and approach differs link removed from the general doc. They should be your starting point when it comes to any childhood issue, and they can reccommend other specialists if needed.

 

So if I were you, I'd tell your pediatrician that you are having some serious concerns and would like a referral to a developmental pediatrician. A good pediatrician will trust your parental judgement and give you the referral, without hesitation.

[tinydancer81]

Well DS had his appt with the child psychartrist yesterday, he looked over the forms me and his teacher had filled out with our pediatrician. They were scored and then the psychartrist spoke to me alone and aske me to describe DS and what was concerning me. Then he asked me to bring in DS and he spoke to him while I was there (I was asked to stay in the room), well DS was already in one of his funny moods anyway and showed perfectly what he is like all the time. I couldn't believe some of the stuff he started to do in the dr's office, he tried climbing up onto the window ledge, when I asked him to come and sit down he only did so after I had asked him 5 times, then when he got to the couch he tried to pinch me several times .....why? I dont know. But this is quite normal behaviour for my son.

 

After talking for some time the dr said that he doesn't think its ADHD, but a personality disorder......which doesn't surprise me at all as my mother is bipolar. Im a little frightened as Im not sure what I need to do and have been reading up on it as much as I can since the appt. He is going to discuss with our pediatrician what can be given medically (my mother is very vocal about this but as I told her this is not her child and she doesn't have to live with him day in day out). He has also suggested that I find some sort of place my DS can go while school is out daily, where there is a authoritive figure and he must learn discipline. From what the dr observed he said there is total non-compliance where Im concerned (from my son) and that my son doesn't respect me at all. He is very concerned (as is everyone else in the family) that DS is going to hurt someone or himself.

 

I have to apologise to those that I got very angry with when I talked on here about my son having issues with the family pet, you were right..my son has deep issues and they need to be addressed before something bad happens.

 

As a parent I cant help but feel like im to blame, although the dr assured me that it was not. He told me we are all born with a certain type/amount of personality, and that all a parent can do is mold that personality, some people like my son are lacking quite a lot in what most of us take for granted. Its sad because it makes me feel helpless and all I want to do is help my son, I know he is very frustrated and gets upset about being in trouble at school all the time, and the way people pull away from him because they dont understand him really hurts him. But Im determined to help him

[sidehop]

This may sound extreme but since you already mentioned about food coloring, you may want to look into pesticides used in fruits and vegetables that's been studied to increase the ADHD by 35%. We buy organic produce as much as we can for this reason.

 

Aside from genetic issues he may have, he could be sensitive to certain chemicals and even foods. It would take a lot of patience but do some selective food intake if that's the case.

 

Are there also any activities or things he like that calm him down? Maybe martial arts or classes that would teach him discipline and learn to control his behavior in a positive way?

 

I do hope you find some answers.

[FarthestEdge]

This may sound extreme but since you already mentioned about food coloring, you may want to look into pesticides used in fruits and vegetables that's been studied to increase the ADHD by 35%. We buy organic produce as much as we can for this reason.

 

Aside from genetic issues he may have, he could be sensitive to certain chemicals and even foods. It would take a lot of patience but do some selective food intake if that's the case.

 

Are there also any activities or things he like that calm him down? Maybe martial arts or classes that would teach him discipline and learn to control his behavior in a positive way?

 

I do hope you find some answers.

 

A food/behaviour diary might help isolate any of these issues too. It's time consuming, but if you commit to it for a few weeks, you may quickly see a pattern emerge with certain foods/activities/behaviours.

 

Also- how much tv does he watch? While I personally believe that content matters, I also see in my son a direct, accelerating effect of amount of tv on his behavior. We rarely turn the tv on when the kids are awake, because with my oldest, it's like a drug to him. The more he gets, the more he wants, and he'll pitch some royal fits in an attempt to get/keep the TV on.

 

NOT saying that's the problem, but it could be an exacerbating factor.

 

Good luck.

[tinydancer81]

Sidehop & Farthest Edge, thank you for your insights both very valid and good points. I like the idea of a food journel -although time consuming it might give a lot of insight. I do keep him away completely from sodas and candys, processed foods, anything with red dye no#40 etc. I try to cook completely natural as possible, I even make my own spagehtti sauce!!! Of course sugar is a no no. As for tv.........im quite strict with content, timewise....he is allowed to watch 1 or 2 shows in the morning but only after he's had his breakfast,brushed his teeth and got dressed. In the afternoons unless its pouring rain outside and there is nothing else I try to keep him away from the tv. He normally watches things like the simpsons for a hour before bed. I really hate to see children sitting in front of the tv all day so I refuse to let him sit in front of it all day.

 

Its going to be long and hard journey but I really want to help him. Im not happy that the dr didn't elaborate on the type of personality disorder he has but I think we will discuss it more at our next meeting.

[sidehop]

I hope you do find a good solution and steps he can take. He honestly sounds like me when I was his age. Not sure how my mom dealt with me as I was hyperactive, running around the classroom on the first day of elementary school. It seems like after a year (according to my mother) I calmed down quite a bit.

 

I'm very sure every good step you're already taking with this schedules and food intake will only help him. I probably would do the same if I were in your shoes, our daughter is quite energetic but keep the TV to no more than couple hours a day and very little pre-cooked/junk food. The difference it makes without them is night and day.

[turnera]

My brother is 3 years older. A holy terror. My mom told me once that when I was born, I just laid there and smiled and cooed. She said she thought I was retarded (sorry, mentally handicapped) because I was so quiet.