Message her or no?

[hockeyplaya44]

I met a girl about 6 months ago who I developed a thing for really quickly. She had just started seeing someone when we met and she turned me down saying that it wouldn't be fair to me or the other guy if she dated both of us. I have stayed in touch with her since maybe talking every 3 weeks or so and still want something to happen with us.

 

Last night I ran into her at a club and I just said hi and went on my way. Later on she pulled me onto the dance floor and danced with me in a way not necessarily fair to her boyfriend. I at least know she finds me attractive if nothing else. Later on we danced again and I don't know what it is but I feel a super strong connection with this girl.

 

My plan is to go for her when her and her boyfriend break up and I'm wondering if I should contact her tonight or tomorow just saying I had a good time with her, or just leave it for awhile.

 

Please note: her boyfriend is a piece of garbage and does not deserve this girl. I don't need to hear how my motives are wrong. I have a strong philosophy regarding issues like this which does offend some people. I'm just looking for advice strictly with winning this girl over in mind.

 

Thanks.

[NYC5thAvenue]

She has to sought out as to whom she wants to be with. As long as she is still with him, she should stay with him, whether he is a piece of garbage or not.

 

You can try to call her in the daytime & thank her for the dance. You can also try to ask her how she is & tell her that you are a friend & if she needs someone to talk to, she could call you... but till then, she belongs to someone else & she is only a friend... so behave like only just a friend. If she breaks up with him, that is then a different story.

[teabee]

When she pulled you onto the dance floor, had she been drinking? I'm attracted to a lot of people when I've been drinking... it's possible that the super strong connection you feel with her is in your head, and not in hers. You developed a thing for her when she had already been seeing someone else, and this was 6 months ago? Just a warning, you could really be reading the situation all wrong, and you don't seem to have much to go on except a (drunken?) night of dancing.

 

So sure, why not contact her and thank her for the dancing. Maybe you can get a further read into how she felt about dancing with you like that, and how she feels about you in general. It could be that there's no need to scheme and win her over, or it could be that it's time to direct your affections towards an available girl.

 

Why is her current bf garbage?

[MikNomis]

No need to say things like I had a good time today, they're pretty useless. Just flirt with her whatever way you can. Ignore everything about her boyfriend. Basically treat the situation as if he doesn't exist.

[bar35]

MikNomis is right. Forget about the other guy. Pursue her if you want. Nothing wrong with that. Life is life. Good luck, but be aware that if she does leave her boyfriend for you it is not necessarily because you are such a great guy, it is because that is her tendency. Trust me when I say, other people's behaviors in relationship to us are more of a reflection of their own interests (which are usually a lot less clear) than of how great or lousy we are.

 

Long story short, if she is the type to leave her present BF for another guy, she is the type to leave you for another guy. Just know who you are going after, and don't act all confused when the chips fall a year later.

 

But who knows? Enjoy the chase.

[hockeyplaya44]

She had been drinking a bit, but I was the only guy she danced with the whole night, she turned every other guy down.

 

And I don't want to get too into detail on the bf, but to keep it short: He's from a trashy part of where I live and is an "F the police" kinda guy. One of those situations where girls get into relationships they really shouldn't only to complain later when it goes south...

[hockeyplaya44]

any other thoughts on this?

[MikNomis]

So she likes a bad boy. Bad boys get girls not because they're oh so nice and gentlemanly, but because they exhibit qualities that attract women, namely a high level of confidence. A bad boy is more likely to make rash decisions and take actions that seem outgoing, which women perceive as being confident and doing what they want to do. No woman likes the douchey part of bad boys, I don't think, yet that is overshadowed by their attraction to the bad boy.

 

A proper dude that has this attractive confidence, without having any doucheyness, I'd say would probably be more successful than a bad boy in the long term no problem. Nice guys don't have the doucheyness, but also lack the confidence, which makes them lose out to bad boys.

[ghost69]

she wanted attention. she knows you will give it to her. she didn't want attention from a complete stranger (other guys). don't be the fool with her anymore man. you should have stopped dancing with her and tried with other girls.

[hockeyplaya44]

she wanted attention. she knows you will give it to her. she didn't want attention from a complete stranger (other guys). don't be the fool with her anymore man. you should have stopped dancing with her and tried with other girls.

 

You're 100% correct. I was dancing with other girls, but I should have just danced with her the one time then ignored her. I kind of dropped the ball on that one haha.

 

I've been dating other girls but I just don't feel it like I do with this one. I'm still hoping I can make something happen but I definitely need to take a different approach and stop giving her power.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Well you’ve made your mind up it sounds like. My advice would be to hang back unless you can handle rejection. Because rejection is what you might experience. Or you might become the other guy in a three way love triangle who has to settle for the leftover attention her bf isn’t getting. If you’re happy being in second place then maybe you’ll be fine with that.

 

The best thing to do would be to play it low key and keep your options open with other girls in case you meet someone great that makes you forget about her. I wish so many time I had done this. Otherwise you’re likely to fall for her more and more and read so much into everything she does and says and if she is so inclined she may sense your interest level and play with you just for her own ego.

 

It’s not really a connection unless you know she feels it too. Otherwise it’s one sided and even if she seems to be showing interest this is likely to turn out to be quite a complicated situation and one that will be emotionally draining for you. Better to wait until she is single and free and if you still are make your move then.

[hockeyplaya44]

Yeah I definitely am not planning on doing anything until she is single even though stealing her from a guy like she's with would be nothing short of satisfying.

 

I've been keeping my options open but so far I haven't met anyone else worth the effort. Hopefully that changes soon!