Need encouraging words to continue NC

[Chandler]

It's been 3 months since my ex and I broke up (15 month relationship). Started NC a month and a half ago. We were living together, so it took some time to complete move out and start complete NC.

 

I don't regard a year as a long relationship, but after 3 months, I still think of her a lot...everyday. Not so much I want to get back together, because she wants more than I can provide for her and I know she is over me, but I would be content just to be able to talk to her and catch up, but I can't because she has a boyfriend. He makes a lot of money, so I'm sure he's giving her all those things she's wanted. They go out to nice places and stuff. I know because we still have a mutual friend who told me this.

 

Anyway, I find myself thinking about her everyday, and the last week or so I've had a really strong urge to call her. We're still on good terms; we said to each other that we could be good friends one day. I just want to know she's happy, is doing well with her career, etc. I would NOT try to get her back or anything, because I know we're beyond that. But I have to keep telling myself not to because I need to get over her and move on, since she has already done the same.

 

I guess this is just to remind me of that. If you guys can help remind me too, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

[AB38]

I am in a similar position. I don't think you should call just yet. Stick with your assessment of the situation. I think you both still need time to heal. A 1 year relationship can be just as intense as a 4 year relationship. It's going to take time to dust yourself off, especially since you shared a home together.

 

I find myself thinking about her everyday, and the last week or so I've had a really strong urge to call her

 

If you are thinking about her everyday then I think you still have some left over emotions. Let the air clear. I find myself wanting to see how my ex is doing, but I can't right now. It has only been a month and I need to heal a little more. Each day that goes by gets easier for me. And one day I will be able to contact her without all the emotion attached.

 

Hope this helps.

[ocean9]

Stick with no contact...or you will be right back at square one.

Since you have a mutual friend, you can easily find out if she is okay.

There is no need to contact her directly.

She has moved on.

You have to do the same.

[FreeAgain]

I agree with AB38. Even thought you said you dont really want her back, thinking of her everyday still means their are a lot of feelings left for her. You never really know how much they still think of you, but if they are with someone else, then you'd have to assume its not as much as you think of them. Thats kind of a sad statement, but thats how it goes imo.

 

If a friendship is really what you would still like, stick with NC for a while longer. You have to be both on the same level for it to work out. If one person still wants more out of the frienship, then chances are it wont work as well. When your both happy with knowing the other has their own life, then theirs the chance a friendship could work out between you.

[Chandler]

Thanks for your encouragement. It does help to hear from others. Whew, made it through another day with NC.

[Scout]

agree 100% with ocean9's post.

[deebee]

Two months of NC for me and I still think of her every day too. But now at least it isn't all day every day! It does improve slowly with time and I agree that if you are still thinking of her a lot, then hold off contact until you can think about her with the emotions bubbling up. No idea when this will be, but I guess you will know when it is right. Hang in there - it's a bumpy ride!

 

I have toyed with the idea of maybe e-mailing my ex just to say that the lack of contact doesn't mean I didn't care about her, in fact it's the opposite and is the only way I can get through the split. She ended it, so I guess she may think I am 'punishing' her with my silence, making me a jerk and adding to the case against me! Whatever - it's over and nothing can bring it back. Hopefully the day will come when we can speak again without any 'baggage' getting in the way.