Why say he'll call then doesn't?

[PoopyBear]

Hey Guys,

 

Have seen the new guy four times now, last night being the last time. He doesn't stop kissing me, snuggling up to me etc. He's been really nice and talks about "us" doing things together. He has to move house and has talked about moving closer to me (he lives 30 minutes drive now) to make it more convenient for us to see each other. I thought wow this guy really likes me.

 

Okay. This evening he had to go to a mutual friends house to talk about work. The mutual friend lives about 5 minutes from me.. Anyway, he said he would call me when he's finished there and come over to see me at my place.

 

I've been looking forward to seeing him all day and now it's 9.45pm and it's getting too late for him to call AND even if he does I will tell him I'm in bed! I feel so disappointed!

 

It really irks me when guys do this. If I say I'm going to call someone I will, even if it's just to say I won't be coming or running late, whatever the reason I'll still call because I said I would. I believe it's common courtesy.

 

This has really tished me off. I won't call him again!

 

Does this happen to other girls? I don't understand.

[PoopyBear]

And now I just signed into messenger and he wasn't online 30 minutes ago but surprise surprise, he's online! His status is set to "busy" so I'm wonderign if he might message me... I don't want to message him because I'm cranky he didn't call and I don't want to upset myself if he doesn't answer!

 

This is pure tish, I don't want to date anymore!!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Be very careful with this guy...people who are this kissy, snuggly and making declaration of moving closer all within the first few dates are not people who often follow through. They are players or are in love with the notion of being in love..their feelings do not often run deep and they often blow hot and cold.

[orchidrose]

Agree with CAD, and it sounds like this guy might be just as emotionally unavailable as the last guy you dated. If he was truly devoted to getting to know you, he WOULD call. There's a difference between being busy and completely ignoring you.

[PoopyBear]

Yeah I was writing a text to him and deleted it twice, I just can't see the point in even asking him why he didn't call. He is going through a stressful time at work at the moment and I know that sounds like I'm making excuses for him however I refuse to believe theres no time for a quick call to say he couldn't make it.

 

I am wondering if he even made it to the mutual friends house, I will find out tomorrow as I have a meeting with the mutual friend and without prompting he will tell me

 

I messaged him in messenger and as I expected he hasn't replied. I won't call or text him. It just bothers me so much why this happens. I wonder if it's just the way they are or is it something I do or say that makes this happen?

 

Can I just write him an email or send a message in msn to say how I feel and leave it at that? Would that be silly to do after four dates?

[bar35]

I, for one, and I expect one of few on this site, do not think that it would be silly to let him know how you feel in an email.

 

However, the reasons that others would not advocate it is because it'll create A) more vulnerability for you B) pretty much end the relationship as it stands C) the guy isn't worth the effort.

 

I see A,B and C all as valid points, however I think that it is ok to tell someone that you are hurting, then let them go, because this guy is already showing you how he is going to act later. He is leading it to nowhere good.

 

My sense is get while the gettin's good. I hate being made to wait and wonder, it's not cool. He has time to text you back to say that he's hustling on something, plus he didn't call you when he said that he would. All signs that he is inconsiderate of your feelings.

[orchidrose]

I think it's a combination of the men and your behavior. You seem to be choosing men who are emotionally unavailable. Even when they talk on the phone with you for hours, cuddle you, talk about moving closer to you.. there's little substance there. It's all for show; when it comes down to actually showing some dedication and interest, they flake. I think the fact that everything has happened so fast is another indicator of this.

 

I also think that your behavior has been a bit clingy and rushed from the start. If I remember your last post about this guy correctly, he mentioned going to the movies soon, and you bombarded him with texts to find out when. Men don't like to be pestered, and they don't like to be chased. You never really got to know how interested he was, because you were busy forcing him into being interested. The way that you've interacted with these last two guys, to me, screams "I have nothing else going on in my life and I'm going to obsess over you until you're my boyfriend." Not a good way to start a relationship. You get so emotionally invested so soon that you end up getting hurt in the end.

 

As for what to do with this guy, I'll respectfully disagree with bar. I see no reason to send him a sappy message about how badly he hurt you - you went on four dates, and while his behavior isn't fair, I think you're overreacting. This isn't a boyfriend of a year. This is a guy you went on a few dates with. These things happen in dating, and you have to have a thick skin about it.

[annie24]

My take is a little different. Let's assume for a minute that he had some genuine work emergency or the meeting went really long. I wouldn't be angry at him but the ball is most certainly in his court to call you and apologize and suggest another date.

[orchidrose]

My take is a little different. Let's assume for a minute that he had some genuine work emergency or the meeting went really long. I wouldn't be angry at him but the ball is most certainly in his court to call you and apologize and suggest another date.

 

True. I tend to pull the trigger a little quickly in situations like these, since I had an ex who pulled this crap all the time.

 

Whether he deliberately didn't call or he really got caught up in something, it's up to him to call and suggest a new time and apologize.

[bar35]

I wouldn't send a sappy message AnEf! LOL! But maybe a few sentences that express that his behavior wasn't cool.

 

On the other hand, this kind of note usually is accompanied by an expectation that they will get back to you, and this is usually a black hole.

 

Whatever makes it work for you.

 

But I think that 4 dates and physical intimacy at least warrants a good bye from someone, and that person could be you if you want.

 

Otherwise just hang back and wait and see.

[annie24]

this is just me, but if a friend or an acquaintance did this to me, i would not react in a 'snappish' manner or tell them that their behavior wasn't cool. i would, if anything, contact them and ask if things are under control. after only 4 dates, i don't think that you should be snappish or write an email expressing displeasure. if it ticks you off so much, just stop dating them.

[bar35]

this is just me, but if a friend or an acquaintance did this to me, i would not react in a 'snappish' manner or tell them that their behavior wasn't cool. i would, if anything, contact them and ask if things are under control. after only 4 dates, i don't think that you should be snappish or write an email expressing displeasure. if it ticks you off so much, just stop dating them.

 

I wouldn't do it either, but that's just me, and however you choose to deal with it is you.

[Miss Firecracker]

Why do you want to talk to someone who treats you this way?

 

That is what you should ask yourself.

[MinziGirl]

Guy & gals seems to understand the I-will-call-you thing differently. For gals, she expects that he calls her back within 24 hours MAX. That is not necessary so for guys. They might not call back within 24 hours or even within 48 hours.

 

So i would suggest: Just sit back & relax... and observe him while keeping your cools. If a guy really likes you, he will, by hook or cook, call you back. If he is busy, he will call you later & apologise.

 

If he ignores you or delays his calls to you, then it is a clear sign that he is just not so into you.

[BriarRose]

Why do you want to talk to someone who treats you this way?

 

That is what you should ask yourself.

I agree. The guy obviously has time to go on-line, but didn't find the time to call you (or choose not to).

[annie24]

i do think it's a bit of a warning sign if someone is talking about moving closer to you after 4 dates, and then disappears when he was supposed to call. it sounds like a person who says a lot of pretty words but doesn't follow through. oh well, time will tell what's up.

[orchidrose]

Guy & gals seems to understand the I-will-call-you thing differently. For gals, she expects that he calls her back within 24 hours MAX. That is not necessary so for guys. They might not call back within 24 hours or even within 48 hours.

 

So i would suggest: Just sit back & relax... and observe him while keeping your cools. If a guy really likes you, he will, by hook or cook, call you back. If he is busy, he will call you later & apologise.

 

If he ignores you or delays his calls to you, then it is a clear sign that he is just not so into you.

 

I think this is a bit different because he told her he would call so they could hang out, at a relatively specific time (yesterday evening, when he was done with his friend). So he didn't just say he'd call to chat; they had tentative plans that he didn't follow through on.

[Miss Firecracker]

These stories are so predictable.

 

Guy stands girl up.

 

Girl grovels.

 

Guy doesn't care.

[annie24]

These stories are so predictable.

 

Guy stands girl up.

 

Girl grovels.

 

Guy doesn't care.

 

my stories have been like:

 

guy stands up girl.

 

girl (me) gets pissed off at being stood up, loses his phone number.

 

guy calls girls weeks or months after standing her up, telling her he really wants to see her so he can catch up with her.

 

girl (me) deletes his messages.

 

guy gets the hint after 5 unreturned calls.

[Miss Firecracker]

my stories have been like:

 

guy stands up girl.

 

girl (me) gets pissed off at being stood up, loses his phone number.

 

guy calls girls weeks or months after standing her up, telling her he really wants to see her so he can catch up with her.

 

girl (me) deletes his messages.

 

guy gets the hint after 5 unreturned calls.

 

There you go!

 

Once a flake, always a flake!

[PoopyBear]

I also think that your behavior has been a bit clingy and rushed from the start. If I remember your last post about this guy correctly, he mentioned going to the movies soon, and you bombarded him with texts to find out when. Men don't like to be pestered, and they don't like to be chased. You never really got to know how interested he was, because you were busy forcing him into being interested. The way that you've interacted with these last two guys, to me, screams "I have nothing else going on in my life and I'm going to obsess over you until you're my boyfriend." Not a good way to start a relationship. You get so emotionally invested so soon that you end up getting hurt in the end.

 

I have loads going on in my life, single mum, three jobs, weekly activites with other friends. He knows I have these things and he has lots in his life too that I am aware of. We both have very limited free time to spend with someone else. And to add to that we both just started working for the same org that is run by a friend of mine (groan!) Which will take over the weekends, mine one week, his the next.

 

All that being said, I do agree with everything you said here. I do tend to go over the top I just can't seem to help myself when I meet one (or two) who I feel suits me. Doesn't happen often. Believe me I have tried to change it, to change would require thinking about everything I say and do. That would require so much effort I would stop being myself around them. I HAVE done this, I've been so careful, kept a distance and that resulted in them thinking I wasn't interested in them. OMG!

 

It's all too hard.

All I want is to give and receive love.

[PoopyBear]

Guy & gals seems to understand the I-will-call-you thing differently. For gals, she expects that he calls her back within 24 hours MAX. That is not necessary so for guys. They might not call back within 24 hours or even within 48 hours.

 

So i would suggest: Just sit back & relax... and observe him while keeping your cools. If a guy really likes you, he will, by hook or cook, call you back. If he is busy, he will call you later & apologise.

 

If he ignores you or delays his calls to you, then it is a clear sign that he is just not so into you.

 

 

Yeah I understand the "I'll call you" thing. He was going to my friend's house (5 minutes from my house) to talk about work and HE suggested HE come over afterwards. HE said, "I'll call you when I'm done at ******* and come over if you're free". It was quite definate and not a random "I'll call you".

 

The movie thing wasn't random either, we spoke about that and he said he had the intention to call me to see a movie, but had a few issues at work at the moment and that resulted in him staying back much later than normal (10pm one night). He still has those work issues and is quite stressed about it.

 

Maybe this IS my issue.

[annie24]

Has he contacted you yet?

[PoopyBear]

Nope he hasn't. My friend told me he was at the friends house until 8.30 last night and said he had budgets to finish for work. I know about these budgets, they have to be finished by Thursday and theres four of them.. He looked totally stressed when telling me about them on Friday. I reckon he didn't call or come over because it's kinda hard to leave each other and he had too much work to do.

 

My friend employed him for work at the weekend and told me he's going to ask a few questions relating to relationships (and me) to gauge where this guy is at lol I told him not to but he will anyways, he always wants to look out for me when it comes to guys!

 

I text him earlier today to his personal phone and he hasn't responded but we do have a no texting rule (which I called and I broke lol) My friend said to call him if I want and stop questioning everything!

[Rosee]

So you messaged him, and you txtd him and now you might call him?!..I don't think you should, I think you should now leave it up to him. He may have been stressed and busy but he was online and could've easily sent a quick msg back to say he couldn't make it, or called - doesn't take a minute really.