The worst kind of loneliness...

[LonelyMoondancer]

Is the kind that follows you everywhere, and sticks with you whether you're surrounded by people or by yourself, I think. I've experienced the kind of loneliness where for periods of time I didn't have any friends to relate and wanted people to spend time with badly, where I felt like I could at least overcome it eventually, and I have overcome that before. But right now I'm stuck with this nagging lonely feeling when I'm with my friends, when I'm with my family, when I'm by myself, when I'm studying- always. I don't know how to escape it. My friends aren't available to talk to me when I want them to and it drives me crazy, and yet sometimes when I'm with them I really want to be alone. I'm just needy and jittery and upset all the time. And tonight I saw pictures online of my ex-boyfriend dancing with a girl he met on a week long conference that I didn't attend and I think kissing her (it's cut off). I shouldn't care, I don't even want him and I was the one who ended things. But he was upset and constantly texting me since we agreed to be friends and I thought he missed me. It's so stupid, he has every right to mingle with other girls, but it just shocked me. And reminded me how hard it is for me to fdate. He was my first boyfriend and I found him through an extra curricular activity I'm no longer part of.

Next year should have been my last year of undergraduate studies but I'm thinking of doing one more after, to get all the courses required for psych since I decided on it recently. So I have two more years at the same university with the same few frieds (whom I love, but there's so few of them) and there's no way for me to make new friends or meet guys to date. I just feel trapped and lonely everywhere.

[Blue Skittles]

I used to feel like this A LOT --- especially when I was in university and especially because I lived sooo far from home.

 

My advice to you:

 

First of all - appreciate the friends that you DO have. Don't think of them as too few. Count them as important and make sure to make time for them. And remember, they are your connections to making more friends!

 

Secondly - keep yourself as busy as possible. I know its hard because you probably get stressed out with your courses and you are probably already busy. One thing I did is I joined a gym and I find myself going there whenever I have down time and I just wanna burn off some steam. It also was a good ego boost to see the change that has happened in my body over the last year and how far i've come. I think the key is, to learn to enjoy your own company. Even if you find a hobby or something to work towards, it will make you feel better and feel like your life has more meaning.

[nguyenal]

I used to feel like this as a kid because my parents were so strict and I didn't have any friends. I got a bf when I was a junior in high school. After that, I was no longer lonely. I became clingy, etc. and the relationship lasted for 2 and 1/2 years. The breakup was terrible. Then I met another person, whom I dated for a few months, but did not work out. Now I am stuck with the feeling of loneliness but I am trying to escape. I think I am getting better at it.

 

I guess what I have been doing is by reading. I try to read a lot of books on self-improvements and self-motivations (mostly positive thinking books). Also I try to love myself and think about my career more and where I want to head in a few years from now. I chose to believe again in myself and my own worth. When you are sad, then pray and refuse to have this feeling. Pray to God and ask him for a release.

 

I wish u the best of luck.

[addictedblue]

WOW I know exactly what you mean. I have close friends, but only about 5. This past semester I felt lonely often because a half of my friends are in relationships and the other half really like going out clubbing and drinking and it's hard for me to be comfortable in that scene. I'm not self-conscious or socially anxious or anything, it's just that every time I'm in a club or somewhere like that I feel like guys you meet are just horny and drunk, and the entire time I just want to go home. So it happened a lot up at school that friends were either wanting to go partying and I didn't want to go, or friends were with their boyfriends. You know the feeling when you're just totally alone, wishing you were with people, but nobody was available to be with? And your phone is completely silent and you just have nothing to do? And if someone actually does invite you somewhere, you may go and then just feel lonely still? That's what I think you mean when you talk about loneliness that follows you. I can totally relate.

 

Now I'm home for the summer and I feel super lonely because all my friends except for 1 are up at school for the summer and I have to live at home because I can't afford summer classes and rent. It sucks.

 

My advice to you is to maybe get a job? You meet a lot of people that way. I got a summer job and although it is crappy pay and is crappy hours, it gives me a reason to get out and be with people. And then I appreciate my time off more.

 

Also...you could try trying to change your own mind. There's an old saying that goes "you decide how you feel." You've identified that you feel constantly lonely. Maybe you could try just redirecting your thoughts. That's what I do. The second I feel like life sucks and that I'm all alone in the world, I'll switch and think of a holiday coming up or even just the thought of being able to lay in bed later in the night with a good book.

[nguyenal]

Same here. I found out that if you learn to love yourself, then you are less likely to be lonely. Also try to be confident. It's ok to be alone.

 

=)

 

Embrace life.

[LonelyMoondancer]

You know the feeling when you're just totally alone, wishing you were with people, but nobody was available to be with? And your phone is completely silent and you just have nothing to do? And if someone actually does invite you somewhere, you may go and then just feel lonely still? That's what I think you mean when you talk about loneliness that follows you. I can totally relate.

 

 

Exactly! It's like I always want to be somewhere I'm not. Glad to see people can relate.

I've been told to get a job, I really should. I only have night class two nights a week. I just have a hard time getting out of bed and sleep in a lot. Plus I'm trying to focus on school and get good grades so I can get into a better program. I'm looking into the daycare on campus since I want something enjoyable and nearby but they're not always hiring, kind of frustrating.

Thank you guys, I'll try to keep busy by getting into reading again or something. My few friends are all in their respective cities for summer and they seem to be doing fine, so I've got to fill up my time on my own I guess.

[revenge3214]

felt the same thing.. i tried to change, thought that probably the environment might change me for the better but hell no.

 

i am still the same, like everywhere else. barely any friends.. i am already feeling dead..