Can't tell anyone... this is sooooo hard!!!

[bruinsy81]

Do what you feel is the right thing to do.I know I would be leery of marrying someone whose ex was behaving that way.It doesn't sound like he has dealt with those issues very well.

[Brittney2008]

Yes - that is what we are doing... we can elope and have a lovely outdoor back drop with everything included.. honeymoon and all for around $1200... and it will be very nice!

 

Oh I see! Is there any way to have a very private ceremony with only maybe your and his parents and your children? Maybe go to a nice restaurant after? I'm sure your dad if able would really like to pay for dinner, it could be his contribution to his daughters wedding. Idk i'm just shooting around ideas.

 

I'm sure you've already thought about all this though

[CatsMeeoow]

Do what you feel is the right thing to do.I know I would be leery of marrying someone whose ex was behaving that way.It doesn't sound like he has dealt with those issues very well.

 

Oh... I have thought long and hard about it... his ex paved a very rocky road for us and there was a time when I walked away from it...

 

Not only did she keep emailing me she went so far as to track down other women he dated after their split and gave them my facebook contact info so they could email me too... it was just bizarre...

 

But when push came to shove I really wanted him back.

 

His ex was so proud of herself when she thought she broke us up... lol... she emailed saying sorry she ever threatened myself and my son... gave me her phone number in case I ever wanted to talk... I'm sorry that was just too weird...

 

I maintain civility with her in all contact and with her kids present I only say the most upbeat things about their mom. I made sure that the kids went and picked out a bday gift for her (as she is still single and will prob remain so...) but I think its so important that her kids regardless of our feelings for her respect their mom. Also made sure they got her a Mother's Day gift as well.

 

I think you know when you have something real... and for me he is the real deal. He would do anything for me and I would do anything for him.

 

So yes... he comes with baggage but he also comes with really good stuff too! He has great parents - don't know his dad that well but his mom is really great and has welcomed my son into the family as well! Means loads to me!

[CatsMeeoow]

Oh I see! Is there any way to have a very private ceremony with only maybe your and his parents and your children? Maybe go to a nice restaurant after? I'm sure your dad if able would really like to pay for dinner, it could be his contribution to his daughters wedding. Idk i'm just shooting around ideas.

 

I'm sure you've already thought about all this though

 

OK - been thinking and of course my fiance already suggested this....

 

We go and get married... like we planned and on our 1 year anniversary we invite all our friends and family for an informal party and say our vows again? Cheesey... I guess!

[annie24]

i agree with the others - please reconsider the elopement and texting the family that you got married. i would be very very hurt. in fact, i was hurt when my mom remarried and she didn't invite me to the wedding. even though it was a simple trip to the justice of the peace downtown, i would have liked to be there. it hurt me that she insisted i do not show up.

 

if money is a concern, i think don't do the diamond. get a cubic zirconia if you really want to but honestly, i see nothing wrong with just a simple band. i don't think it makes a lot of sense to blow money you don't have on a ring. like you said you have 3 kids to take care of.

 

my opinion, for what it's worth, is to have a very simple backyard ceremony, and then take a trip to the beach when you can afford it. or, go to the justice of the peace and have dinner with your family afterwards.

[Ac143]

Yes - that is what we are doing... we can elope and have a lovely outdoor back drop with everything included.. honeymoon and all for around $1200... and it will be very nice!

 

I also agree that eloping will be very very hurtful to a few people. You should seriously think long & hard before doing it. That being said, why can't you invite your parents/his parents & the kids to this elope ceremony you guys are having? Let them know when/where & that way at least everyone will have an option of going if they really want without any extra costs to you. After the ceremony they can go home & you guys have your honeymoon.

 

Also, I had a beach wedding just last year & no way did we spend 12,500 just on the ceremony. We spent that much on the reception etc...but the ceremony was not expensive at all! Probably as much as you are paying for your outdoor one now & the beaches here are priceless! If you want information about you can PM.

[journeynow]

Yes - that is what we are doing... we can elope and have a lovely outdoor back drop with everything included.. honeymoon and all for around $1200... and it will be very nice!

 

For the $1200 I suggest forgoing the fancy dress, tux, and lovely outdoor back drop (which are all symbolic and temporary) and instead include the children and parents (who are real and will always be a part of your lives) in a private civil ceremony and nice dinner after. Create a good memory to share.

[diamond78]

Just have a small ceremony outside with just the immediate family like you already have planned. It doesn't have to be a big shebang.

 

I think in the end that would be the less hurtful and still be affordable for you guys.

 

and btw...SUPER CONGRATS TO YOU!! You deserve this sooo much!!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My brother and his wife 'eloped' - no one on my side of the family took it at all personally, we were so happy for him and his bride, and my parents were not at all stressed or unhappy by it. (He died a couple of years later, and we were just so happy that he had found someone and had such a romantic marriage).

 

I know people are saying that it would damage 'their' family, but it's not true that it's universally the same. MY family were just pleased for my brother, and totally understood their reasons, and there was never even a secret feeling of regret. So, if you know your dad and children, make a judgement call. But just to say that not every family would feel badly, mine felt only delight and loved the wedding party afterwards. We thought it was romantic and understood their reasons.

 

Congratulations again!!!

[CatsMeeoow]

I also agree that eloping will be very very hurtful to a few people. You should seriously think long & hard before doing it. That being said, why can't you invite your parents/his parents & the kids to this elope ceremony you guys are having? Let them know when/where & that way at least everyone will have an option of going if they really want without any extra costs to you. After the ceremony they can go home & you guys have your honeymoon.

 

Also, I had a beach wedding just last year & no way did we spend 12,500 just on the ceremony. We spent that much on the reception etc...but the ceremony was not expensive at all! Probably as much as you are paying for your outdoor one now & the beaches here are priceless! If you want information about you can PM.

 

 

I did the math.... 5 plane tickets to San Diego... a hotel for 5 to 6 days... food for a family of 5 for 6 days... cost of clothing... cost of rings... cost of actual ceremony, pictures and 1 day at Lego Land.... $12500.00

[CatsMeeoow]

Just have a small ceremony outside with just the immediate family like you already have planned. It doesn't have to be a big shebang.

 

I think in the end that would be the less hurtful and still be affordable for you guys.

 

and btw...SUPER CONGRATS TO YOU!! You deserve this sooo much!!

 

That was actually one option... to get married at a local state park 30min away would cost nothing for location... but $30.00 for a covered shelter in case of rain... but to married with one of the pastors at my church would require meeting the church requirements and cost... - a few hundred dollars... ouch!... basic flowers for him and I and photographer and we were at almost $2000 for the basics and that didn't even include 1 night away for us...

 

I mean I'm doing this on the cheap... my dress with alterations was less than $200...

 

This is not his first marriage...

 

My dad eloped on his 3rd marriage... lol!!!!!

 

Its not that my family doesn't know we are getting married... we already made the announcement at Christmas.

 

I know my dad would be there but my mom wouldn't make the trip for weird personal reasons. I know his mom would come but not so sure about his dad... he is a little odd at how he spends his time.

 

You get to a point where you can't please all the people so you just have to please yourself???

[CatsMeeoow]

Thanks! That helps!

 

Like I said my dad is my only concern because I am his only daughter but in the end I think he feels relief that I've finally settled down and have someone. I am my daddy's girl! Geez... how many 40 yr olds out there are still on daddy's cell phone plan? Even now he won't let me off to be put on my future husbands! I mean I've owned my own home for over a decade and completely support myself but the cell phone thing makes my dad feel good I guess! So I let him do it... besides it makes Christmas easy when he updates my plan!

 

When we first talked about San Diego and he realized what I was hoping for he did say he just wanted whatever would make me happy! And, I know my dad... disappointed he might be but it wouldn't be for long. My dad has been through a lot and and learned over time and maturity to take the good with the bad... and seeing how he is on his third marriage is realizing what is really important in life. I think it wouldn't be so bad....