I'm 22, She's 27 -- Some opinions please

[Darius22]

Hey everyone. I've read a lot of posts on this forum, but havn't really found anyone at the same age as me (younger 20's) in love with an older woman who's in her older 20's. I'm 22, and she's 27.. 5 years age difference, 6 years for half of the year. My parents havn't met her yet, but know of her age -- and that's not a problem at all for them. I like to think I'm really mature for my age, which I guess is what attracts me to older mature women. We've only been dating for 2 weeks so far, and at first the age difference really bothered her. She said that she's not looking for a fling, and wants something serious and that she's insecure in me because I'm in my younger 20's which means I'm more likely to go and run off with some other girl at some stage in my life. However, from what I've seen in other relationships a 5 year difference isn't too bad, it's just that it's at one of those "changing points" in life.

 

I'm just beginning to start my career, and I know that by dedicating myself to her I'm throwing away a lot of other opportunities that I may have in my life in my 20's, but at the same time -- hey, love is great isn't it? We've been falling in love quite quick over the past two weeks and the age issue hasn't come up at all, and everything is going really really well. I just broke up with my ex-girlfriend (1 year younger than me) four months ago and went travelling, which is something I wanted to do before I got a career, etc. We went out for a year and a half, and I feel like I love and know this new girl better in 2 weeks than I knew my ex in almost 2 years. I know that she wants a serious relationship, and wants someone who is going to eventually marry her. At first I was just physically attracted to her and wasn't thinking about a long-term serious relationship, but now I have a lot more feelings for her and I know it's serious. The only thought at the back of my mind is that I feel pressured knowing that if I commit to this that she's going to be the one and only, where I've only had one relationship before and havn't had a lot of time to "experiment" when she has. This was part of her insecurity in me before as well, asking me why I'm ready to commit when I havn't tried other relationships. But, like I said, things are going great and I'm really starting to fall in love with her. What are your thoughts? Should I go for this? The age thing seems to be the only problem right now, everything else seems perfect. On one hand, it seems like I'm throwing my single 20's life away, but on the other it seems like something too good to pass up.

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

If you're mature, which you said & it seems you are, then I don't think it should be a problem. I'm 19 and was attracted to someone who was around 26/27, and we would have probably gone out if there weren't other things in the way..right now I'm attracted to someone who's 23 yrs old though. I think it really depends more on where you are personally in your life & mindset..

 

If you're in love with her and want to go out, then I would say go for it, don't let age get in the way. However, it seems to be more a question of commitment than an age gap IMO..you said " I know that she wants a serious relationship, and wants someone who is going to eventually marry her." Of course, this is a goal for many people her age, it doesn't mean it's going to happen, or that you should commit yourself for marriage going in. You also said: "On one hand, it seems like I'm throwing my single 20's life away"..first, you've only known her for 2 weeks. Even if you were 27 I don't think she should expect an engagement anytime soon. Go at your own pace, whatever you feel comfortable with. Love should never be forced. If you want to go with her, go, but don't do it thinking 'she's expecting something from this..I can't let her down.' You can go exclusive if you wish, but don't think that this is now the road to marriage, you've only known her for a short time after all. Let the love blossom & then think about those things. If it doesn't work out she still has time. One of my friends is getting married this summer & he's 30, it's not incredibly uncommon. I know she has her goals in mind and that's fine, but she should understand your point of view as well, and not put so much pressure on you going in.

 

That's just my opinion anyways, hope it helped..

 

lily04

[t-dog]

Right now, 5 years might seem like a big age difference. But it's really not. My husband is 19 years older than me. At least you guys are in the same generation, lol.

 

I understand that it may seem like you are in different places and want different things, but it doesn't sound like it's really and age thing. She wants to commit and you're not sure if you want a commitment.

 

If you've only had one relationship and you'd like to experiment and be single, that's understandable. But even 22 year old women often want a commitment. It doesn't necessarily mean marriage and babies and the whole nine yards, but commitment nonetheless.

 

With so many lonely people on this planet looking for just one person they can truley love, I think you should consider yourself lucky to have found a person to be with. And who knows, she might end up leaving you to "find herself." (just kidding).

 

I say take a chance. One amazing woman is worth way more than all the one-night stands you can fit into a football field.

[JonnyG]

lol, 5 years is nothing. My ex who i really fancy a lot is 31. Im also 22, she is like 8 and a half years older. Im not sure if i will ever be with her again, but if i do, im under a lot of pressure, as she is obviously a lot older than me, she has a child, and my mum and dad would hit the roof. I guess i would spend 2 years with her and if i still love her i might be able to marry her, but there will be that thought, like u said, about having other relationships.

[jestersupriem]

My opinion isn't a opinion but a statement. HAVE FUN

[saltwatergirl]

I met my b/f when he was 21 and I was 33. We were together for 3 years and blissfully happy. It was a great relationship, we had a lot of fun and really meshed well together. We have recently broken up, however it had nothing at all to do with the age difference or the different life stages we were in.

 

The best advice I can give you is to relax, enjoy your time with her, and... how could you be throwing anything away if you are spending time getting to know someone who makes you happy? If you like her, and she likes you, and you want to pursue and see where it goes, then you approach that just like you would with a girl your age.

 

Your life stages may be different and that may prove to be a hurdle you just can't get over, but don't look for problems before they occur.

I'd be happy to offer any advice I can offer from the female perspective of an age-gap relationship, if it becomes necessary.

 

Good luck!

Salt