Insight requested - 5 yrs then done in a flash! Can it be?

[brucethescot]

What I've recently learned is that our EXs' may be going through a real midlife crisis. Below I pasted text from something I found on the www that describes my EX girlfriend's behavior very well. If they're about 34 yrs old or older it may very well be a MLC that's in play. At least it helps to understand why they're acting the way they are.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

According to the Briggs-Myers model (First, identified by the psychologist Carl Jung in the early part of the 20th century, and expanded on by Katherine Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs-Myers) one may show such symptoms of 'Mid-life transition/crisis', as:

 

• Discontentment with life and/or the lifestyle that may have provided happiness for many years. ("Midlife is when you reach the top of the ladder and find that it was against the wrong wall." —Joseph Campbell. The ladder can be career or personality growth, marriage or family.)

 

• Boredom with things/people that have hitherto held great interest and dominated your life. (Such as walking out of a relationship or marriage. After 20 years of married life you may suddenly wake up to the feeling of being trapped in the relationship. There could be a confusion—of feeling burdened, and yet oddly free at the same time. It is possible that you are avoiding a confrontation with midlife transitions, and your own disappointments are being projected on to the marriage. The feeling can make you mentally disconnected with your spouse).

 

• Feeling adventurous and wanting to do something completely different. (You may be tempted to do things that are uncharacteristic of your age or maturity—frequenting discos; showing interest in extramarital relationships—almost always with women half your age or drawn towards alcoholism and substance abuse. Even though our preferences are innate, our behaviour and perception of ourselves are modified in order to 'fit in' with the various situations (personal/social) in our life. Jung called this process 'Accommodation'. Especially, such 'accommodated' individuals tend to break free from their set 'personae' during this transition period.)

 

• Questioning the meaning of life, and the validity of decisions clearly and easily made years before. (This is that time of life when you can neither act like a youth—which was very much a part of you, nor are you prepared to accept old age as yet. You may feel frustrated about your perspectives on life you have been carrying until yesterday. The compulsion to change can create a lot of angst and irritability in you.)

 

• Confusion about who you are, or where your life is going. (Confronted with this transition, you may rethink about the worthwhileness of the life you have been leading. You may feel you have run out of time chasing wrong targets all along. Because, you may have to depart from the priorities you have been concerned with. You may feel stranded on a cross road, thinking about the validity of all these experiences.)

[Fletch F. Fletch]

So the exgf and I had the remainder of the conversation regarding "expectations" that she deferred the prior night. As I suspected by her actions, she is once again pulling back - I felt that her heart was not into the reconciliation. She said that she has a wall-up around her heart and that she is not ready to give 100% (a contradiction to what she stated last week), as she sees that I am ready to give 100%. She feels pressured already, even though she admittedly cannot state what is making her feel pressured. Whereas I had previously stated to her that after 5 years, we didnt need to start "from scratch", she feels that she is because she doesnt know me anymore. She said that in our date last week, she heard me say things and do things that she would have never expected (in a good way), She wants to see the counselor by herself so that she can talk, vent, and figure out how she wants to proceed. She was clear to say that things may not be all "good" after all is said an done – she does not want to give me false hope.

 

I just listened the whole time, asking clarifying questions occasionally. Then I explained my view, which after our talk last week, I was under the impression that we were trying 100%. I told her I was glad that we had this talk, even though I don't want all our conversations to be this heavy, but now I can change my expectations and approach. I told her I was just going to go with the flow. I ended the conversation on a light note.

 

Our date that was set for this weekend is now in flux. The lack of warmth in her voice, as she is so business-like now, really brings me back to the break-up days. It brings back all my sadness and anxiety. I feel like she is putting so much faith in this counselor, that if she gets disappointed, this will all blow-up. As you all have suggested. I am going to go with the flow, and I will let her initiate all contact. I am going to keep working on myself, and date other people if I feel like it . Part of me is angry that she has pulled me back into this limbo and now is herself pulling back. I cant decide if she really wants to be with me but is struggling with her emotions, or if she just cant let go our relationship and prolonging this process.

[shockeddismayed]

Oh boy....

 

I have had that EXACT conversation with my EXGF.

 

I think you handled yourself great. You made no promises, but you also didn't put any pressure on.

 

Excellent job.

 

Here are a few points:

 

1) You wonder where this pressure she feels is coming from: It is coming from her worry that she HAS made a mistake, and MAY be making a mistake coming back. Right now those two feelings are in opposition. She can't make the decision because she is worried about something. MOST LIKELY she is worried about hurting you AGAIN if this doesn't turn out. Remember, if she really loves and cares about you, she won't be able to handle hurting you again. The dumper's biggest fear it GUILT. Guilt is also the biggest reason why they take so long to find their own feelings (if they truly care about you) because for the first few months or weeks, they can't see past the TERRIBLE thing they did to you.

 

Try and see her taking her time as a positive thing. She doesn't want to hurt you again.... she doesn't want to hurt herself. All of this suggests she KNOWS what is at risk... both of your hearts. It is a mature move on her part to back away before getting you both in too deep.

 

Now that said, you can't let her KEEP doing this... the next time she comes back, she'd better be ready to try. Screen her next call until you get a clearer sense of just how serious she is... if she's serious she'll call you again.

 

2) You don't want to get pulled back into her limbo land. So DON'T let it happen. How can you do this? You know how... do EXACTLY what you were doing during NC. Work out, date, have fun, personal growth. Don't live your life for her.

 

3) Counselling: I had the same worries about my EXGFs counselling. What if she doesn't like the counsellor. What if the counsellor says relationships don't work the second time round... what if, what if. One word: REGARDLESS! If your ex has strong feelings for you and is somewhat stubborn (which I remember you saying that) then the counsellor will just bring those feelings out. Even if the counsellor advises her against seeing you, she's just as likely to say "no way... I know my heart" and then go follow it.

 

This process is out of your control, so don't sweat it.

 

4) Her emotions: Fletch... the truth is she probably "let go" of the relationship months before she ended it. She would have had to do that in order to get to the point where she could end a 5 year relationship. My EXGF told me exactly that... that she'd ended our 7 years together in her mind for months before telling me. What you are seeing now is that with some healing, she started to miss you... then she started to miss you more... then she wanted to talk about your issues together... then she went out with you... then she saw that she could still feel attracted to you... she saw parts of you she hadn't seen in a LONG time.

 

Now she is wanting to come back.. she is scared... guilt, risk, leap of faith... all of the things making you worried... she has those and more. She has more guilt than you... she's worried of being hurt, or feeling neglected again. She knows that when she felt that way last time she ran... she wants to find out from a counsellor whether what she did was normal behaviour, or whether it means something "bigger".

 

I can tell you from reading these boards... from couples I've known that got back together... in ALL of the cases I've heard where things worked out again, part of the reason for the breakup was simply the girl feeling saddened by whatever became missing in the relationship. It is normal (or at least common) that some women run from that feeling of rejection.

 

I think you know that is part of what happened here. You need to give her time to realize that it is both normal and unfair... when she gets to that realization she will know that a mature relationship means standing and fighting... it means not running from your fears... it means talking and communication.

 

When she gets there.... that's when you want her back... not a moment sooner.

 

Keep the faith.

[shockeddismayed]

Man...

 

Our situations ARE SO IDENTICAL.... I was just hearing my EX's voice telling me that she "noticed expressions and looks in my eye that she hadn't seen since our first dates"... basically the same thing your EX said.

 

Too bad I lost patience and gave a drunk call.

 

Stay away from the if you are feeling frustrated... it WON'T help.

 

You are doing great Fletch... keep it up.

[craigblitz]

Hahahaha I am sorry S&D but the drunk call kills me... If it wasn't for your story she was going to get the drun call.... By the way I still think it has not changed a lot of things with your ex S&D she is going through the motions still...

 

I agree with S&D have patience... it is a great sign she is concerned... it means she does love you... Patience, Patience, Patience

[shockeddismayed]

Craig...

 

It's a good thing you are teasing me two weeks later. I would have been if you'd had a chuckle earlier.

 

By now though, I am starting to see that the drunk call is something I might laugh at later. I'm less bothered by it. Anyway, if my EXGF is worth ME, then she'll have the empathy to look right past it. Afterall, SHE is the one who through me out of OUR house, just cuz she was feeling confused. She has to know that I have plenty to be upset about.

[Fletch F. Fletch]

S&D,

 

I might be your drinking buddy soon enough! I am glad to see you are still on the board and have retained your humor.

 

Mini update - she cancel our date for this weekend. Oh well.

 

 

 

Fletch.

[Scout]

Fletch, don't let it get you down too much. Just like her good emotions were subject to change, so can this new less commital stance she's taking. Remember, she's experiencing a multitude of emotions right now as well. The best thing you can do is to "appear" calm, centered, grounded. Women are very attracted to that because it indicates strength (and yes Shocky, we also like the bursts of passion that result in a drunken phone call! well, at least some of us do...).

 

Try not to think too far ahead right now and just take care of yourself. Live in the moment. It's the only way you'll keep your sanity during this ordeal.

[leftalone]

I'm sorry to hear she cancelled Fletch. If it makes you feel any better (doubtful it will, but misery loves company but I have not heard from the ex since our wonderful date on Tuesday night. I have gone out with total strangers in the past who at least called or emailed in the few days following a date, so it's pretty obvious where I fall on my ex's priority list right now. Feeling extremely taken for granted...we do have a 'date' to go to the department of motor vehicles to renew drivers licenses this afternoon - not exactly the romantic outing I had pictured, plus I basically invited myself along on his errand, since we both needed to go anyway. He hasn't initiated contact or suggested a date/outing of any kind since we saw each other Tuesday night, and I'm sure he has a great weekend lined up that does not include me.

 

I feel incredibly angry and frustrated and somewhat emotionally taken advantage of…as for your ex cancelling your date for this weekend after not seeing each other for awhile again (what, a week?), just continue on with your own plans, fun, personal time, whatever…just as long as you DO NOT let her cancelling ruin any of the next few days for you - she's incredibly lucky for your patience with her, even if she doesn't totally realize it yet.

[shockeddismayed]

Fletch, don't let it get you down too much. Just like her good emotions were subject to change, so can this new less commital stance she's taking. Remember, she's experiencing a multitude of emotions right now as well. The best thing you can do is to "appear" calm, centered, grounded. Women are very attracted to that because it indicates strength (and yes Shocky, we also like the bursts of passion that result in a drunken phone call! well, at least some of us do...).

 

Try not to think too far ahead right now and just take care of yourself. Live in the moment. It's the only way you'll keep your sanity during this ordeal.

 

I don't know what happened... a few hours ago I posted a long response to you all. Strange that it wasn't here?

 

Anyway... I agree 100% with Scout.

 

The rest of my post I won't go back through... but the short version. The behaviour you are seeing could be indicative of two things:

 

1) Your exes REALLY REALLY care for you. They are STARTING to realize their huge mistake and are SLOWLY working up the courage to try again... they fear hurting you again... they fear running from you again... they fear many of the same things you fear and worse. Their slow pace is designed so that they avoid hurting you and are SURE about their own emotions.

 

2) They are completely selfish and are just stringing you along for the ride.

 

Only you can decide which it is... but recognize that either of those motives would generate the SAME behaviour. Do you trust in who your EX is?

 

It all comes down to trust. As Yoda might say... do, or do not do... there is no try. So have quiet faith in #1 (while living your own life), or resign yourself entirely to #2 and move on. There can be no inbetween.

[leftalone]

Well, all, I'm thinking it's #2, in my case anyway...

 

Sorry to comandeer Fletch's post a bit, but we're now OFFICIALLY in the same boat. I just got an email from the ex cancelling our little trip to the DMV, because "he really doesn't feel like standing in line this afternoon". I gave him a call and am going to stop by his place on my way home (since I already have a half day from work). I let him know that I have few plans this weekend when he asked, and he didn't take the bait and ask me to do anything.

 

F--k him, I'm tired of this - I need to get some answers, now. I've had it, seriously. I've done this TWICE now, he's had plenty of chances to make up his mind on me, and I'm really playing the role of sucker here. Basically, you either want to be with me, and make an effort, or you don't. I won't do this for weeks, months, however long, and lose what we used to have in the process. Those memories are precious to me, and at this point I'd rather know him that way in my memory than have this hot/cold, intimidating person I hardly recognize...

 

Will provide updates, and let you all know what happens with the 1% chance of success in giving ultimatums.

[Fletch F. Fletch]

Thanks for everyone's input. Right now I am in reaction mode. If she contacts me, I will react and maybe provide a response. Otherwise, I am not initiating contact. I have decided to see the counselor this Saturday (the counselor wants to see us individually first), so we'll see what a professional has to say - however I expect it to be similar to the thoughts on this board. The big revelation, if any, will come next weekend with the exgf will see the counselor.

 

Until then I am just keepin on.

 

Leftalone - STOP...No ultimatums, unless you are absolutely sure that you want to walk away from this. Write what you say in a letter, but dont send it. Vent your feelings that way. You can pull away and move on gracefully...without the speach you want to give (and I know how badly you want to give it). Do a "loving take away" the next time he wants to do something. "I would enjoy doing something with you, perhaps in a few weeks" - be vague on when that might be, and why you are deferring him - after all you have a life outside of him. Try to shift the power a little. Let him call you back in a few weeks to try again. Get him chasing you. If he doesnt. Then move on. Be strong my Sister. Be Strong.

[Scout]

Leftalone, I honestly don't think you're in a good place right now internally to pay a visit to your ex. I think you need to go into NC mode for at least a week, and let him make the next call. If you truly still love him and believe in his general decency, than at least wait out this period while you're angry and frustrated before you see him or talk to him again. For one thing, you'll just feel better if you don't show him once again your frustration, etc. Second, I think he's feeling a little pushed right now. I'm not saying that's your fault, but if he's feeling that way, he's not going to be the best company anyway, and you might as well stay away. I would cancel this afternoon's visit. Tell him something came up, and you hope to connect soon. Then don't call! He WILL contact you back eventually.

 

I'm not really suggesting this as a "tweak his curiosity/interest" tactic so much as giving yourself some much-needed time to deal with your understandable anger and frustration. Look after yourself first this weekend and put the ex on a backburner if you can.

[Scout]

Fletch, forgot to say that I am really happy for you about the counseling thing. I think you'll find it will be a wonderful release to talk to someone who is empathetic and skilled about the situation you're going through. I think it took a lot of courage to agree to go see one. People tend to think sometimes it's a "weakness" to see a counselor, I think that's B.S. It takes a lot of character to realize hey, something happened and the path I was on seems to have drastically changed. I want to get back on it and get my well-being back!

 

We're all rooting for you - keep us posted!

[Fletch F. Fletch]

I have been too busy participating in other threads to provide my own update. First, I will echo thoughts expressed by Leftalone on her thread – if it were not for this sight and our shared knowledge/experience, I do not believe that I would in the position that I am today. Knowing that my experiences/feelings/frustrations/tribulations are not unique has allowed me to be more patient and accepting of my status. Providing feedback to others is just as therapeutic as receiving the advice myself. Now to the update:

 

I had my first counseling session almost 2 weeks ago (again this counseling was all initiated by the exgf)… not as bad as I thought it would be. In this first session I was by myself (no exgf), and I conveyed to the counselor my perspective on the situation. I expressed my frustrations with my current state of limbo, and explained my interactions with the exgf in trying to get her back. Bottom line…the counselor said I am on the right track, and have done as much as I can. She reminded me that I cannot control my exgf, she has to come around on her own. The fact that the exgf wants to see a counselor is a good sign, but results are not guaranteed, and we do not yet know what she wants to talk about. The counselor will know more once the exgf has her initial individual session.

 

Between the visit to the counselor and last weekend, I had little interaction with the exgf. I was trying to work-out my frustrations from her pulling-back on our reconciliation efforts (see prior updates). The exgf did send a flurry of emails over a couple day period. Nothing deep, I just think she sensed that I was pissed and was trying to make sure that I was "around." I provided delayed responses. We hadn't talked in almost a week, so I lobbed in a simple phone call that lasted about 3 minutes – her voice had softened a lot from the cold and businesslike tone I had heard the week before. I think the brief modified NC, worked for both of us.

 

Last weekend was the first scheduled counseling session for the exgf. This was an anticipated milestone for me, because the exgf had hoped to have better perspective on what she should do about us after meeting with the counselor. Though I thought her counseling expectations were high, I was still eager for this session to happen. Well, on the day of the session, I receive a call from the exgf. She says that her car wont start. I ask how can I help her. She says that she was headed to the counselor (who is 15 minutes away by car), and she doesn't know what to do. Knowing that this counseling session was important to her (and I didnt want this session to be rescheduled) I offered her a ride. She turns me down. She says that she wanted to do this on her own and that it would be weird for me to drive her home after she had just talked with the counselor about me (which leads me to question what she still needs to unload from her mind, as I thought she already unloaded it all on me). I re-asked the question, "what do you want me to do?" She re-thinks her answer, and begrudgingly accepts the ride to the counselor. I'm thinking "Score! I'm getting points for helping and she will have her session." But this saga isn't over…as soon as I pick her up and enter the highway – traffic jam. We aren't going anywhere. After 20 minutes of going nowhere, she had to cancel the session. I'm bummed, but don't show it.

 

After exiting the highway we went to lunch. It actually turned out to be a good impromptu "date." We have light, positive conversation about everything except the relationship. Afterwards, I drive her home and get a few good kisses good bye and some huge hugs. Once again I am excited about our date, but I have learned my lesson from the last time. Despite these positive signals, I don't want to pressure her. I am going to play it cool. I am going to let her lead on any communications – we have exchanged a few e-mails but have not talked since the date. Maybe I'll throw in a short call here and there.

 

Now I have to wait 2 more weeks for her re-scheduled counseling session. Meanwhile, I am trying to eat the same advice I am dishing out to others on this site. "Patience" I keep telling myself as my mood fluctuates between indifference and excitment.

[shockeddismayed]

Fletch,

 

You are doing really well.

 

It is unfortunate that the counselling session didn't happen this time. But the flip side is that it IS progress... and more importantly it IS a comittment to resolving things.

 

I know your pain. My ex said very little about her counsellor... except that she's been three times and that the counsellor is good at keeping her from getting negative on herself... whatever that is worth. She also mentioned that the counsellor is also acting much like a mentor (since EX is completing her PhD too.) I told her I was happy that she is getting along with the counsellor and have proceeded to do as you are doing... fill my life with other things and let things happen.

 

I think you handled (what you perceived as a setback) very well.

 

Things are happening.... keep it up!

[craigblitz]

I fully agree Fletch things are looking great. I also think that your own advice is wonderful "Despite these positive signals, I don't want to pressure her. I am going to play it cool. I am going to let her lead on any communications."

 

It is a HUGE plus sign that she want to see the counselour...why waste her time and yours if she was not serious.

 

I also think you made a bad situation great by going to lunch. Again another encounter with positives memories, what more could you have hope for on that day. That was a complete bonus since you were not going to see her anyway.

 

As you seem to remind me all the time... Patience.... little at a time. Boy I preach that so well..... but the whole practice what you preach... different story

[Fletch F. Fletch]

Well, the "Preacher of Patience" has just about lost it all. I am tired…just too tired to "try" anymore. As I have stayed away from giving and receiving advice from this board for a couple of weeks to collect my thoughts and clear my mind, I am reaching the conclusion that I just need to move on and cut ties with the Exgf. Reinstitute NC. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

 

The mini update is pretty bland. The exgf and I continue to have brief conversations every few days. Nothing deep, and nothing exciting…just talks what is going on in our respective lives. She continues to e-mail me every few days as well with the same boring topics. The only positive to take away from these communications, is that the frequency seems to be increasing – daily e-mails now.

 

Were it not for her car trouble 2 weeks ago, I would not have seen her for nearly a month. Remember, she canceled our last date over a month ago. At that point I made the decision that it would be her that would have to initiate a "date" or a meeting… and she has not done so. Before proceeding with anything. she was waiting for her first counseling session, which took place this past weekend (delayed 2 weeks because of her car trouble) from which I only received a 2 minute download. She wants to change counselors, as she was not that comfortable with this one. She also wants to see the new counselor by herself more before I am invited. That's it. I still have no F__ing clue what her issues are and what she needs to discuss, as she claims that she is not angry with me anymore. Who knows how long it will take for her to find a new counselor.

 

So, the bottom line is I am feeling strung along. As far as the exgf is concerned, I feel like I am drifting in space. I feel myself becoming bitter, and I do not want to be that way. This will begin to impact our interactions negatively. I have voluntarily relinquished control of this process to her, and I feel like I am spinning in circles. While I continue to "move on" with my life and really enjoyed my summer with plenty of activities, I have found that trying to not be emotionally invested in the exgf still takes emotional investment. And as much as I tell myself, "move on," "play it cool," "go with the flow," "be patient" the mere contact with her, whether it be e-mail or phone calls, keeps me involved and prohibits me from completely moving on. I think I am near the end of my rope with her.

 

At the same time, exgf continues to enjoy the benefits of my emotional support and presense. This I wouldn't mind so much, if I felt that we had direction, a plan, a something.

 

So, I am close to deciding to reinstitute NC. I plan to tell her this in a positive conversation so that she does not feel threatened, but at the same time I know that the message is threatening. What do you think?

[shockeddismayed]

Ughhh...

 

I feel for you Fletch. My EX first started with a counsellor to "sort out her feelings about me" and then later it was "sort things out one way or another", then it was "to deal with her feelings of loss", then it was "to find her voice so that I can be ready to try again with S&D".

 

She did not like her first counsellor either, in fairness, the woman was 100 years-old, employed by the Catholic church (we're catholic, but I wouldnt want a counsellor from there) and had her looking at ink blots in the first visit. It could have been Freud's mother.... Oedipus. But I digress.

 

I guess I'm saying that there could be legit reasons for her to change counsellors, but that doesn't help your situation.

 

I know how you feel about losing patience. I was there in June... she backed off... I blew up... I was just getting on with things... dating, etc and she came back to see if I was still around at the end of July... now it seems she's backed off again.

 

What are we to learn? That even girls who SHOULD KNOW BETTER are still acting in a way where they can't seem to tolerate losing their hold on us. They are stalling their decisions and playing games with us.... I'm sure it isn't deliberate... I AM sure of that... but the end result is the same.

 

My advice to you.... first let me say I am REALLY unsure. However, you need to do what is right for your sanity. If you are going to do the NC route, I would NOT tell her. Just stop answering her calls. By telling her you are allowing her to keep control of a situation she has NO RIGHT to control (your recovery... trying to move on... or put closure on this situation). If you tell her right away that you are not contacting her anymore, she knows she still holds the ball.

 

What I would do is just leave WITH the ball. Let her contact you and just don't respond... or don't respond frequently. Don't answer the phone... return calls several days later... etc. When she asks, THEN you could tell her that you are just frustrated with her LACK OF ACTION on figuring things out... that based on her behaviour you made a decision that you deserved better and that you are going to live your life.

 

That will rattle her chain. But if you tell her before she feels your absense and FEELS you moving on, she'll think it is just idle threats, or she'll think (somewhat correctly) that you are doing it because of her... thereforeeee her control.

 

With no announcement, at least she has the shock of not knowing how she lost control.... perhaps that shock will be enough to stimulate some real comittment to action... and if it doesn't... well I think we know you will be well on your way to recovery.

 

Also... not announcing your behaviour will also take ALL the pressure off her. Once SHE notices what is going on, the only pressure will be self-induced... she won't be able to blame you for it, and she'll realize it is based on HER feelings and HER fear of losing you.

[craigblitz]

Listen to him!!!!!!!

[shockeddismayed]

Listen to him!!!!!!!

 

LOL... why? I'm single!.... And seriously had the urge to pick up the phone tonight with another ultimatum.

 

Damn... this is the MOST confusing thing I have ever dealt with. Any votes for "it should just be easier than this"?

[RayKay]

Listen to him!!!!!!!

 

LOL... why? I'm single!.... And seriously had the urge to pick up the phone tonight with another ultimatum.

 

Damn... this is the MOST confusing thing I have ever dealt with. Any votes for "it should just be easier than this"?

 

Aye, you have my vote!

 

I am the woman, with the man being the confusing, conflicted one with the many mixed messages, but I know how you feel. Not sure if it "should" be easier (as the path to true love was never meant to be easy!) but sometimes I wish it were! On the other hand, we grow closer to those whom we go through the trials and tribulations of life with right - maybe that works for them as much as for us

 

I think whomever here has the most patience at any given time should divy it up with the others who are going through this similar thing - I love him unconditionally, but being patient with my ex somedays seems worth it, other days I struggle to find enough, but then my ex does something to show he does think of me, and he does "want me" and it comes back strong again. Ugh, the reward better be darn good at the end!

[craigblitz]

I have not posted for a while ok a day or so.. but i told my ex f this.. love is not this hard go away and leave me alone for a while.. hoest to god word for word... so I get a text last night.. and 2 voicemails tonight.. ultimatiums... hahah they will laugh them down too.... ughhhh

[leftalone]

Fletch, I agree with the NC without an announcement beforehand. Just stop contacting - that'll send the message you're trying for all by itself, which is that you're at the end of your rope.

 

I'm glad for these posts this morning - i've woken up into a frustrating day, too, even though i'm not sure why. Still have conversations that haven't happened, still wondering about my exbf's wanting to "be single" and "not be in a relationship" while basically carrying on a new relationship wtih me, etc. Am wondering if even under hte best scenario, if we worked things out completely and were just like we were before the break-up, only with the kinks ironed out - is he really going to ever be the same person to me? For starters, I'll never be able to look at him and go - he would never leave me (he's already done it!). Wondering if the cracks in our foundation can ever really be repaired...or if I'll ever get him to ante up fully and even GO ALL THE WAY with trying to do the repairs...

 

Hang in there, everyone

[JustPlainSad]

left, I'm wondering the same thing.....