what are my chances of 'pulling' another woman?

[SadAndy]

As many of you on here know, my long term ex dumped me, after 14yrs together, following 2 long term affairs eventually meeting a new man.

 

I'm 32 and she was my first and only 'relationship'. I am nothing to look at, neither was she but she done alright!

The reason that I let her 'get away' with her first affair was mostly down to my love for her and also down to the fact that I cannot see myself 'pulling' another woman.

I still can't see me ever pulling someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I have a good personality and a great sense of humour but like I said, i'm nothing to look at. Also, thanks to my ex I have absolutely zero self confidence!

 

How easy is it to 'pull' women? Its something that I have never really done.

[Catdancer]

What the hell is "pulling" a woman?

[SadAndy]

What the hell is "pulling" a woman?

 

Sorry, its an English thing. It means to chat up, to date etc.

[Catdancer]

lol...ok...I was thinking the complete "wrong" thing. Good thing you clarified. lol

 

What makes you think that you'll never date again? Your ex is not the only woman alive, ya know??

[hexaemeron]

If you think you're nothing to look at, then no one will look at you. You have to love yourself first before anyone else does. Same for respect.

[SadAndy]

If you think you're nothing to look at, then no one will look at you. You have to love yourself first before anyone else does. Same for respect.

 

But isn't there a very fine line between confidence and coming accross as arrogant and 'up yourself'?

 

Also, women certainly go for looks first don't they? This means i'm screwed before I get the chance to show my 'magnetic personality'!

[ElectricSheep123]

You need some self confidence, or people will walk all over you. Were you with your ex because you loved her, or because you thought you (or her) couldn't do better? I think once you find out the answer to that, you'll come one step closer to realizing that maybe the relationship was not what you thought it was.

 

And you have to make yourself attractive some way. Work on your personality, start hitting up the gym, start dressing like a star. Now that you're on the market again, you have to make yourself desirable.

[hexaemeron]

But isn't there a very fine line between confidence and coming accross as arrogant and 'up yourself'?

 

Also, women certainly go for looks first don't they? This means i'm screwed before I get the chance to show my 'magnetic personality'!

 

There's a difference between "You ache for my god-gift manhood" and "I'm an attractive, respectful man with a lot to offer."

 

Most people do start with looks, yes. Human nature. So if you need to go to the gym, or get a haircut, get some new clothes, then do it. Invest in yourself. If you expect someone to offer you their best, then you need to offer yours in kind.

[tf987]

Sorry, its an English thing. It means to chat up, to date etc.

 

I always thought it was a fishing analogy since I know guys that say they went to the club trawling and pulled one in.

 

Anyway, if you met one, you can meet another. Not sure what you mean by nothing to look at but maybe try to exercise a bit if that is what you mean. Can make you look a lot better and makes you feel better - which never hurts.

 

Sorry you were dumped like that, sucks man. Good luck.

[Citlali]

There's a difference between "You ache for my god-gift manhood" and "I'm an attractive, respectful man with a lot to offer."

 

Most people do start with looks, yes. Human nature. So if you need to go to the gym, or get a haircut, get some new clothes, then do it. Invest in yourself. If you expect someone to offer you their best, then you need to offer yours in kind.

 

Totally agree here.

 

Also, although looks do matter, they're not everything. Believe me. If you do have a good personality and sense of humor that will matter more. Women will see that. But don't put yourself down. You need to love and respect yourself or you may attract women who won't love or respect you either. How you feel about yourself and how you act can affect the kind of women you attract. I think you know full well you want to attract the kind who will respect you.

 

Finally, never let a woman treat you like your ex did. It sets up bad precedent in a relationship, not to mention that you deserve better.

[shessofly]

once you stop putting yourself down and comparing yourself to your wife's new guy, if you have a magnetic personality and make yourself available you shouldn't have any problems attracting a nice lady to you. i consider myself a pretty attractive gal and i've dated a couple of not so attractive men, simply because their personalities pulled me in.

 

i can tell the difference between confidence and arrogance, pretty easily.

 

as far as your looks just always look your best. dress to the best of your ability and don't walk around looking sloppy. i don't consider myself materialistic or someone who is stuck on looks, but i can't stand a sloppy looking fella!

 

you'll be okay andy.

[oldenoughtoknow]

But isn't there a very fine line between confidence and coming accross as arrogant and 'up yourself'?

 

Also, women certainly go for looks first don't they? This means i'm screwed before I get the chance to show my 'magnetic personality'!

 

hex was referring to a "normal" amount of confidence. Where most people are. We've all met a few people in our lives that have very low self-confidence, and we've all met people that are arrogant. So that line is actually pretty fat. You can start achieving this with small steps...like, stop telling yourself you're nothing to look at.

 

As far as looks go, don't sell yourself short. Of course, women value a man's looks, but no where near as much as men value a woman's looks. Women are drawn to your confidence, your personality...how you make them feel when they are around you. This could turn out to be a great opportunity for growth for you. Before you know it, you'll have to "push" them away!

[Lamprey]

Women are generally attracted to 3 things about you, in that order:

1. Your salary

2. Your looks

3. Your personality

 

If you're bummed about not being able to attract a girl, just start working out and put in extra hours at work, soon enough you'll have no problems in the dating department

[Mauxly]

Also, women certainly go for looks first don't they? This means i'm screwed before I get the chance to show my 'magnetic personality'!

 

Actually no. Many of us don't. We can find anyone physically attractive so long as we've gotten to know them and found them beautiful on the inside. Our perceptions change so that the outside looks like the inside. But in order for this to work for you, you have to be able to set romance on the back burner and make a lot of female friends.

 

This also means that you'll be 'freindzoned' by lots of women, but once in a while you'll find one who falls in love with your insides.

 

One thing that you'll need in all of this is lots of confidence. You cannot percieve yourself as ugly or in anyway a bad person. For a woman to overlook whatever physical traits you think work against you, she needs to know that you have a lot of inner strength. That is what she will be attracted to.

[Mauxly]

Women are generally attracted to 3 things about you, in that order:

1. Your salary

2. Your looks

3. Your personality

 

If you're bummed about not being able to attract a girl, just start working out and put in extra hours at work, soon enough you'll have no problems in the dating department

 

Are you male or female?

The women that you speak of, the ones that look at salary and looks before personality are women that are only good for one thing, sex. Even if you get the salary and looks they will trade you up as soon as they find someone who makes more money or is better looking.

 

Anyway, I think you are wrong about this and I find that post particularly insulting. Most of us aren't like that. Just the ones who wind up on reality TV shows.

[R_wants_R_back]

join a few dating websites! i'm recently broken up with my girlfriend of nearly 5 years and have some insecurity issues and i've managed to set up 2 dates in 2 weeks just being myself! I'm never the most confident guy in the room, far from it, but when you get to chat to people then the personality wins every time....

 

Me and everybody else needs to feel wanted from time to time and even if you're committed to getting your ex back (as I am) it does you no harm confidence wise to know that there are other people out there who would love to get to know you. Your ex fell in love with the best of you and sometimes you lose that part of you because of lifes pressures....

 

When you meet someone new it AUTOMATICALLY brings out the best in you, especially if you aren't quite ready to be that person again. You don't even have to meet these people for a real date ! Thats the beauty of the internet, it will just help you be yourself again and realise you ARE worth it...... (god, i love being cheesy!!)

[incaangelique]

Women are generally attracted to 3 things about you, in that order:

1. Your salary

2. Your looks

3. Your personality

 

If you're bummed about not being able to attract a girl, just start working out and put in extra hours at work, soon enough you'll have no problems in the dating department

 

This is just not true, unless you are strictly talking about completely shallow women.

Personality is number one for me. In terms of salary, all that I care about is that they are employed, and that I wouldn't have to take care of all the man's financial needs.

As for looks, I honestly don't care at all.

Many people have told me that my ex looked like a "troll" and a 'fat old man". To me he is/was the sexiest guy I've ever seen.

 

You just need confidence and a good personality. If a woman doesn't like you because of how you look then she's shallow, and you don't need her anyway. A man with no self confidence, who is depressed all the time is definitely a turn off.

[Clarity]

There's really no point in talking about "chances" when it comes to something like this. You, OP, of all people should know this - it only takes one to take you off the market for many years!

 

Love, meeting new people, etc., is mostly a game of randomness, luck, and opportunity. Looks can help and hinder. There are lots of "attractive" people out there who are single but would rather not be, it's just that it hasn't happened for them yet. There are lots of "unattractive" (and I put these terms in quotes because it's all in the eye of the beholder) people in loving relationships.