New to asking a guy out...did it, but need advice!

[sleepingjoon]

Hi all,

 

Okay, so a little background: we were introduced to each other at a concert by mutual friends (with the intention of setting us up together). In the last 3 weeks or so, we've seen each other twice, both times in a social setting with said friends. He's shown what I thought was clear interest both times...making a point to be where I was, talking to me, engaging me, etc. At the end of both "meet-ups," he asked me if I would like to get together again; the first time he asked my schedule without really setting anything up, but we ended up seeing each other the next weekend at a friend's b-day gathering.

 

The second time (a Saturday) he asked if I would be free the following Wed for him to come down (he lives an hour away). I said I was free, but he never called and never showed. I shot him a text to see if he was still heading down, and he responded saying he had been tied up that evening. Okay, no big. A couple days later (after finding out from one of the mutual friends that he is interested) I text him to say though we didn't get a chance to meet up that week, I thought that he was attractive, and I would like to get to know him better. I also asked him to my place for dinner (no hanky panky, just a chance to sit and talk without 15 people around us). His reply was enthusiastic, saying he could come down (with exclamation point), he would like for us to get to know each other as well, and that he would talk to me in the next couple of days to figure a day out.

 

That was 3 days ago. I was thinking I should let him call me because I didn't want to be smothering or push too much. I've been sitting here wondering what happened/why he hasn't called to set up a day. So here's my question (it literally just dawned on me)...

 

I'm the one who asked him out. He said yes. Am I the one who is supposed to call him now and set up a day? This is the first time I've asked a guy out, and I feel like I'm kind of bumbling around in the dark (I now feel for all you guys out there!!). I like this guy, and I'd very much enjoy the chance to hang out with him and talk; just not entirely sure about what I'm doing...

 

Cheers,

Joon

[sophie274]

I text him to say though we didn't get a chance to meet up that week, I thought that he was attractive, and I would like to get to know him better. I also asked him to my place for dinner (no hanky panky, just a chance to sit and talk without 15 people around us). His reply was enthusiastic, saying he could come down (with exclamation point), he would like for us to get to know each other as well, and that we would talk in the next couple of days to figure a day out.

 

To me, that means "I'll call you to figure a day out".

Either way, I think you're perfectly fine to text him to tell him that X, Y and Z days all work great for you, so that if either one of those works for him you guys should make it a date.

 

However, my impression from this post is that he does not seem that interested. Obviously it's hard for me to tell from just what you've said here, as there are tons of "signs" that can't be properly put into words, but for me the hard evidence is that he flaked out on a date once (without even contacting you until you contacted him), and that he's been, in my eyes, a bit wishy-washy about setting this dinner up. I don't understand why he had to take several days to figure out when he could have dinner. Obviously I hope that he is interested, and I think it would be premature to completely give up on him, but IMO if this date falls through or if he never gets in touch with you (after you contact him to try and get him to specify a date) or is vague, then you shouldn't press it any further.

 

Basically I would try to set this date up, but if he seemed reluctant on the phone or still wouldn't "commit" to a date, I would take it as a sign that he is not interested.

[d24]

if he wanted it to happen it would have happened by now.

your chance to redeem yourself: take the initiative and invite him on Thursday, if he doesn't show, you know he's flaky and you'll know not to bother.

[sleepingjoon]

Hey Sophie, his schedules for work come out on Sundays, so I knew it would be a couple of days after I asked him when he knew.

 

But, I'm leaning toward "not interested" as well. I called this morning and left a voicemail...if he calls, awesome. If he doesn't, at least I have my answer and can put the whole thing out of my head.

 

Cheers,

Joon

[NightLily]

Good for you though even if this guy doesn't bite. I think it takes guts as a woman to ask a guy out. (or maybe you are a guy..)

[Day_Walker]

If you called and asked him to come to your place for dinner then you are the one that has to make plans.

[sleepingjoon]

If you called and asked him to come to your place for dinner then you are the one that has to make plans.

 

Okay, good to know! Feeling a bit dorky (and I'm a girl, SuzyQ ).

 

Now I'm hoping he doesn't blow me off because he thinks I'm playing games or only mildly interested. Dating is hard...

 

*Edit*

 

P.S.

When I called, I just said that I was calling to work out a day; do I leave it at that or offer up something more specific with a text (ie, "Hey, forgot to ask if (insert food here) will be okay.")? I'm free after my last final on Thursday morning, and had planned on making dinner, having everything set; I just needed to know the day.

[sophie274]

Okay, good to know! Feeling a bit dorky (and I'm a girl, SuzyQ ).

 

Now I'm hoping he doesn't blow me off because he thinks I'm playing games or only mildly interested. Dating is hard...

 

*Edit*

 

P.S.

When I called, I just said that I was calling to work out a day; do I leave it at that or offer up something more specific with a text (ie, "Hey, forgot to ask if (insert food here) will be okay.")? I'm free after my last final on Thursday morning, and had planned on making dinner, having everything set; I just needed to know the day.

 

I think you've shown TONS of interest, and unless he's used to dating women who steal hair samples to get DNA so they can clone him, I don't think he'll think you're playing games or only mildly interested. You've shown interest in his offers to hang out (even though he's ended up flaking), you've told him you found him attractive and wanted to get to know him and have asked him to come over to your house so you can make him dinner! He knows you're interested, trust me.

 

I think your voicemail was great and you should not send him a text. You've already been plenty specific, and he knows to call you back if he is interested. If/when he does call, you can ask him about the food then. You've made your move, now it's time to sit back and wait for him to call you back. Sending another message would be too much, in my opinion.

[amipushy]

You've made your move, now it's time to sit back and wait for him to call you back. Sending another message would be too much, in my opinion.

 

I agree, absolutely do NOT call or contact him again.

[sleepingjoon]

I didn't call/text him again. He hasn't called back yet, so...just waiting to see what happens while I do my own thing.