Leaving your job because an 'ex' works there?

[Maverick32x]

So, I can't handle my job anymore.... and its almost 100% because of this girl that I fell head over heals for, and cannot get over her!

 

Its been hot and cold for awhile now.... shes officially 'done' with her ex-bf.. so she tells me... but mentioned that he was the one that basically didn't want to get back together with her.. so where does that leave me? I guess I'm second choice since shes been hanging out with me this whole weekend... which is weird in its own way I suppose? I stop talking to her... she runs for me.. I start talking to her.. she disappears like I'm diseased.... ridiculously predictable...

 

But I've given it some thought and I really don't want to be second choice for some girl.... so I decided that I need to move onwards!! However, there are so many obstacles..

 

1: I still really really like her.. so when she gets all touchy and flirty... I'm really into it because deep down inside I still have incredibly strong emotions for her.. though I do by best to suppress them... yet we ended up sleeping together last night.. but its slowly becoming less satisfying because I'm pretty sure she could give two * * * * s about me... but just wants to have sex.. which leaves me feeling pretty lousy by the time I wake up...

 

2: We work together. I see her everyday practically... and- we're carpooling to work together... We also now live about a 3 minute walk from each other as well, so our friendship is very convenient.

 

3: She occasionally will be seemingly interested in me.... which makes me second guess this whole 'moving on' thing... but she'll also tell me things like shes not 'ready for a relationship' (which she should just add "not ready for a relationship with you")

 

So- my dilemma is that I've realized it is impossible to get over her... we're good friends which is the worst part, so its not like I can just 'stop talking to her' when we're at work... shes one of the few people that I do talk to!!! However, the whole wanting to be with her thing is really dragging on my emotions... so my solution thus far is to start looking for a new place of employment.. she was looking to find a new job earlier and I realized how wonderful that would be... Just to be able to forget about her.. write her off like it never happened would be amazing...

 

Its just really hard to see someone you still have feelings for every single day....

 

Any thoughts/tips would be helpful as well

 

also- I just moved far from work and it would be nice to have a job thats close too, so there are other perks besides just not being around her~

[LizzieD]

Hello

 

I am leaving my job because I have to interact with my ex on daily working basis. Before I joined this company, I left the previous job because of my ex-fiance (another one, not the recent one) as there's been a rumour that was spread I've been sleeping around.

 

In this job, I know my ex is slacking off at his job. And I can't tell the management that he's at work with drugs in his bloodstream. I want to leave him on a good note and not having to carry the burden of 'code of conduct' dilemma right now.

 

He has recently been demoted and being fired because his ex-gf told the management that he's been doing drugs.. probably not a good idea.

 

So, I am leaving in 2 months (tendering next week). It's the best option to do for me.

 

Lizzie.

[JusticeLaw9]

Hold on a second,

 

Don't go making such a dramatic change in your life over one girl. You're going to meet many more throughout your life and you can't go running away everytime something bad happens. Stand your ground, don't let her scare you away from a job. For starters, don't ever give anybody that kind of power over you. Also, this ain't exactly the time to really be job-jumping considering the state of the economy. Besides, there's just going to be another gorgeous woman at the next job you go to, anyway.

 

You need to stand your ground and keep her at an arm's length. Right now she's really taking advantage of you because you're letting her. If I were you, I'd pull my act together and tell her how you feel. Maybe you two shouldn't hangout as much or carpool in together. If she wants to know why, tell her why. It's not like she doesn't already know that you like her, so what feelings are you really trying to protect?

 

If you don't do something, she's going to keep running over top of you and you'll just feel worse as time goes on.

[DN]

Providing that the job you go to is at least as good as the one you have now then it seems to me a sensible thing to do - especially if the situation is affecting you negatively both personally and as regards to job performance.

 

But remember that even if still working there you don't have to sleep with her.

[Etoile]

Oh my goodness!!! It's like you're doing everything that you would be doing in a relationship, yet without the relationship status (e.g. meeting up, carpooling, spending time together, sleeping together). No wonder you're going crazy!

 

You definitely need to stop sleeping with her. You must resist! Stop the carpooling and stop spending time with her as a friend. You can say to her very politely that now that you have broken up you feel that you can't be friends at the moment and/ or you need some time alone. Wish her all the best. Be firm! Don't back down. As for the work issue it might be a good idea to start to start looking for a new job. Try to distance yourself a little bit from her at work, you don't have to be rude. If possible try getting to know other people at work.

 

If your ex does want you back for the right reasons i.e. you're her first and only choice you need to back away. As it is you seem to be at her beck and call and she knows she can have you whenever she wants.

 

Good luck

[lavenderdove]

As long as you don't jump to a worse job just to get away, there is no reason not to look for a better one closer to home.

 

But i'd also talk to her and cut out all the interaction. I'd tell her that you want someone to actually DATE, not just a FWB situation, so you're going to stop seeing her outside work and minimize contact as it is too distracting.

 

You might be surprised... maybe if you're not so available on HER terms she'll rethink the the FWB thing and decide you mean more to her and she's willing to start dating. And if not, then you know and you've minimized contact.

 

Can you start driving to work on your own, or get into another carpool? Just make as many arrangements as you can NOW to ease up the situation, until you find a new job.

[Maverick32x]

thanks for the feedback-

 

I really have a problem resisting.. its weird.. I was with her tonight and everything just 'seems' so perfect... It is the most pseudo-relationship that I've ever been in ever... When I am going to leave this job, I know that it will be something of comparable or better value.. I'm not going to throw away my career for a girl...

 

and I guess the problem is that when I'm away from her, I can get my mind right.. I flirt with other girls and actually have a date set up for this tuesday with someone... I'm able to distance her from my mind... but when I'm actually with her, the main thought going through my head is "this girl is beautiful in every single way"... and its absolutely crippling... So yes, she is walking all over me and every person I've told about this knows it too!! (yes, even me!!)

 

It really is a financial strain for me to drive on my own to work, not to mention the convenience of carpooling with her.. (she literally lives a street down from me) and its a good hour drive to get to work in the morning..... and she actually re-arranged her schedule to match mine so we would be able to carpool more...

 

The plus side of all this is that I know that I really don't 'owe' her anything.. and now that I'm in new more populated area (from suburbs to city), I feel like I will have much more options and won't have to resort to seeing her out of loneliness... I'm hoping to be strong through all of this... My biggest weakness (and I suppose strength) is my loyalty to friends... if you're my friend- I will move mountains if you asked me to (this is guys, girls etc..) I would never betray a friendship ever... and I realize that it is easily exploited at times.. especially when it comes to girls that I actually like...

 

I've contemplated the whole telling her how I feel and all that stuff and just putting it out there point blank.. but if it doesn't go the way I want it to- then I don't think I can handle the embarrassment of seeing her...

 

I've done the whole NC/LC (No contact out of work, light contact at work when its related to the job) and it works I suppose in terms of strengthening myself.. but my mind wanders to her consistently.... Lets hope that this date works out Tuesday and I'll be on the right path once more

 

Thanks for the feedback though, and I'm just hoping to get out of this situation soon!! It has gotten better in the past couple months which is hopeful.. I used to really get bugged out about this whole thing.. but I guess I'm slowly convincing myself that there is no future with this girl.. (which I've done a couple times, and oddly enough once I've ingrained this message.. they've all come running back... and I have yet to go back to any of them...)