cherryberry123 Posted May 1, 2010 Share Posted May 1, 2010 I signed up onto ENA after months of not being able to heal after my breakup. To keep my story short, my ex broke it off with me because I did not treat him well. I did not appreciate his efforts to keep me happy. I hurt him emotionally, and his feelings were eventually lost. The breakup was extremely difficult on my end, I ended up getting counseling because I knew I couldn't lose another great guy in the future due to my actions. He became cold and distant, I felt like I couldn't recognize him anymore. I used to turn to Yahoo answers, ENA, friends, and family for advice...and there is one thing I learned (and this is what I think people should keep in mind)... DON'T LET OTHERS CONTROL YOUR DECISIONS What do I mean by this? When I was asking others on advice on what to do, I found the breakup SO much harder to deal with. I heard it all...](*,) -"He doesn't like you anymore. Leave him alone. He doesn't want you in his life" -"Go NC and let him go. He will come to you" -"You don't deserve to be happy. Why are you expecting sympathy? I'm glad he isn't with you" etc. etc. etc I felt overwhelmed! I conjured up this idea that 1) he hates my guts...2) he doesn't want me in his life...3) he doesn't care. I was depressed for months, and the thing is I kept following everyone's advice on staying NC...thinking he didn't want to speak to me ever again. There was a nagging feeling inside of me to ask to meet up, but I kept brushing it off thinking "I can't make rational decisions yet. Everyone else knows best" One day (after months of feeling depressed), I finally decided to go with my gut and contact him. A lot of people kept warning me "He might not comply. He may reject your offer". I was nervous, but I felt like staying NC was doing more harm than good for me. Guess what happened? -He did not hesitate to meet up one bit! Sounded eager, imo -We met up and caught up. A bit of flirting went on -I apologized for the past and explained what I've been going through. He was completely understanding. I was having trouble getting the right words out, but he was patient with me and listened to everything I needed to say -I even told him I thought he hated me. He started tearing up and said "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I never hated you. Ever" -We are currently in contact now. He promised we will stay in touch more, and everything is going great. We plan to hang out sometime soon. I finally saw the same guy I once knew again Getting back together may be an option in the future, but I'm just SO ECSTATIC knowing he doesn't hate me. I realize now that other people were helping me conjure up this idea. He was so happy to see me! I felt like the dark cloud finally diminished after months of haunting me. If I didn't work up the courage to make my own decision and contact him, I would still be suffering. If I listened to others and stayed NC, I would never be where I am now. Just keep in mind: -YOU know your ex best...and how your relationship was! Not your best friend, ENA members etc. -Believe me...it's better to regret your own decisions than to regret the decisions that were made for you -It's easy for others to freely give advice...but you are the one who is going to pay the ultimate outcome/consequence Please note: I'm not saying "Don't listen to others! Just do what you feel". People give great advice and it's nice to get different perspectives. Also, after a breakup...your decisions become irrational for a bit. Your emotions are high, and I think NC is great to sort out your thoughts and really analyze the relationship. Main point I want to get accross is: After you had some time to reflect and thought out your decisions, go with your gut, I had a nagging feeling inside of me to contact him, but other people's advice were preventing me to do so. I can say following my own gut was the best decision I ever made. Imagine if I just followed other people's directions? I felt like a puppet, and now the strings have been cut. I feel liberated and freed. Link to comment
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