Trying again for the sake of love?

[alice1485]

I have a question for everyone. Would you be willing to get back together with an ex if you still loved them? Even if you weren't COMPLETELY convinced that the problems leading up to your breakup had been fully resolved?

 

I'm asking because I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. The reason was because he has drinking problems and he didn't show me respect by taking my feelings seriously and listening to me when I was hurt by anything he said or did.

 

Since then, I haven't seen him in 4 months. And went no contact with him for about a month and a half. My feelings for him are still present. He's told me repeatedly that he will change, that I'm the best thing to happen to him, that he can't bear to lose me. I still love him. And I miss the positives of what we had - our great conversations, our similar pasts, how much fun we had together. If I still love him, is it stupid of me to not give us a second chance?

[Lady Rashomon]

If he's willing to change, I'd take it slowly and determine whether or not he's actually taken positive steps to solving his drinking problem. When it comes to addictions, he needs to change for himself first and foremost. (Often, when people say they'll change for their loved ones, they usually end up falling back on the addiction.)

 

I think second chances are fine as long as you're cautious. If I were you, I'd try to build the foundation very slowly rather than rush into it. See if he's genuine and then go from there. If he truly loves you, he'll be patient.

[alice1485]

Thanks for your advice. That's what I was thinking too. He has told me that he stayed sober for a month after we broke up. And that now, he drinks very rarely. But I'd have to see it with my own eyes to believe it. I agree. Taking things slow is the best bet. I don't want to get hurt again.

[doiiiieeezie]

I would sit back and see where and if his actions mean anything. Also, if he has a drinking problem, you should look into al-anon to cope with the effects that his drinking has had on you. You'll be a stronger person for it.

[Cadence44]

I agree. Have him tell you about the actions he's taken, don't rely on words.

 

Love isn't enough when you're with someone with an addiction.

[d_lilah]

I agree with hardboiled egg. Second chances and forgiveness are what makes us human, but you also have to make sure to protect yourself at the same time. Don't just leap into how things were before, and make sure he knows that you NEED him to change. If things get too relaxed for him, there is a danger he might just forget about his promise to you.

 

I wouldn't give my ex a second chance at a relationship, but thats because of his personality and the realisation he is not the person he pretended to be. I may come to forgive him, but otherwise that ship has sailed.

 

I hope everything works out for you.