g/f's druggie dad

[gicts]

I have been going out with a wonderful girl for the past 7 months. Her dad, a 'used to be' drug addict and alcoholic was finished with drugs, and only drank when he was stressed she said. He had been addicted on valium when she was in grade school (she is now a sr. in high school), and his wife made him either go cold turkey or she and the kids would leave. Everything seemed to work out. He had stopped, and they stayed together without any more problems. Until last month. Coming home from a business deal late on a weeknight, he crashed and completely totaled his truck. The only reason he is still alive is because he wore his seat belt. He was on valium, cocaine, percacet, and an opiate (more than likely heroin). His wife, a victim of the same type of father her children now have, stayed with him, and in fact bought him a new truck the next day. My girlfriend was joking around about it 2 days later. Apparently something of this sort happens every 2-3 years. For some reason, he was not charged with a dui even though the police had to take him to the hospital. He is now going to drug rehab 6 days a week and says he enjoys it and is making progress. My girlfriend has not been the same since that day. She seems tense and angry. Her mother is the same way. I know the entire family needs counseling but they believe they are fine. If I were to mention it, they would more than likely get angry and be offended. I asked my g/f a while later I asked her to promise me if I turned out to be like her father or grandfather to leave me and she did, but was very offended and very furious. This is the first time I have been able to talk about anything that happened. I was told to keep quiet and not tell anyone because it was 'embarrassing'. I have not told a soul, and if my parents had found out, I would never talk or see my girlfriend again. My parents are right, I should not be going out with the daughter of a drug addicted father but I love her and I don't think I could leave her. She's a great girl. Great student, involved with sports and works to save children. She has never drank or done drugs, and she would leave me if I did do drugs. She's got an amazing head on her shoulders, but I believe it has been scarred by her father. How can I help her?

[Beec]

For now, just be there for her. You cannot force her to go to counseling or anything else. So, all you can do is let her know you will do what ever you can for her and that she can talk to you whenver she needs to. When she wants to talk, just LISTEN.

[jessijess]

I agree with the previous post. But when she does talk to you about it, you might want to suggest that if she ever wants to go check out ALANON (I think thats what its called), that you'd be willing to go with her for moral support.

Good luck with everything!

[wendella]

Totally jess! the Alanon thing....

 

I think that it is only assumed that being addicted is hereditary. My parents have never drank or used drugs, and I ended up being a major "druggie". I gave it up cause I didn't want to die.

 

Also remember that her and her father are two separate people. You said she is really involved in the community and smart - well if that's the case she is smart enough to see what her father has gone through and would never make those bad decisions that she saw her dad make over and over.

 

and have a little faith in her

 

I hope you do fine and talk to her about your concers, girls like that just do it with a loving and caring manner.

 

good luck