pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 I'm posting this because I'm pretty p'd off at the moment. So I was at work Tuesday night and my BF tells me that he is going out for a few drinks and to watch some bands with his mate which I didn't have a problem with. Forward to tonight when I get home from work and I'm bumming about on the internet. I come accross some photo's of him on facebook which were taken that night by a girl I hadn't heard of. The pics were just of him and his other mate. Well when looking through I was taken to her profile to view the whole album from that night and there he is with this girl, picking her up. Picking her up as in holding her in his arms like you would carry someone. Strangely, the pics are only visible in her album on her profile and not in his photo's. The ones of him and his mate from that night are but not him and her so that also means that he untagged them aswell obviously so I wouldn't see. I'm pretty angry right now. He didn't even mention he was going out with girls or that he was with girls when he had gotten home. Would you be annoyed about this? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 It's not even so much the pics that would annoy me, but the fact that he's obviously trying to hide them from you. What has he got to hide? Why would he not mention the girl? Why would he untag them? If he had nothing to hide, he would have just left them as they were. I'd ask him about it...but don't blow up or anything. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 I would be annoyed; in my relationship, that kind of suspicious behavior would not be tolerated by either of us. Have you confronted him about how uncomfortable this made you? Is this a boundary in your relationship that is known? And is this behavior uncharacteristic of him? Ask yourself these questions and it'll help you have a productive discussion and will hopefully reveal your expectations to yourself - what you are/aren't willing to deal with. Also, his reaction to your confrontation will speak volumes about how much be values your feelings and concerns. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 To me, it's about the pictures as much as the hiding them. He probably hid them because he knew I wouldn't like it, well he was right, I don't! Although it may be very innocent, I find it disrespectful. I would not have such photo's taken with another man and I do not expect it in return. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Not only would I be annoyed I would be mad. Its one thing to go out with friends that's cool no problem. My main concern is if there is nothing to hide then why not say the truth to begin with? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 I would be annoyed; in my relationship, that kind of suspicious behavior would not be tolerated by either of us. Have you confronted him about how uncomfortable this made you? Is this a boundary in your relationship that is known? And is this behavior uncharacteristic of him? Ask yourself these questions and it'll help you have a productive discussion and will hopefully reveal your expectations to yourself - what you are/aren't willing to deal with. Also, his reaction to your confrontation will speak volumes about how much be values your feelings and concerns. Well there has been photo's in the past which have annoyed me. He knows that this is something I would find unacceptable, yet he still did it. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Exactly. Maybe if you know this girl, knew the nature of their relationship, and knew she would be there, you would feel more comfortable with the situation. Of course, limits have to be set somewhere. Does it bother you that she's even in the picture at all, or that she's in his arms? I find the latter to be somewhat inappropriate for a guy if he's in a relationship. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 Not only would I be annoyed I would be mad. Its one thing to go out with friends that's cool no problem. My main concern is if there is nothing to hide then why not say the truth to begin with? It's not like I asked who was there or whatever so maybe he felt no need to mention it, not that he would mention if there were girls there anyway. I know he will think I am overreacting about this. I have bent so many of my boundaries into shape to fit in with him. Truth is, I was just beginning to trust him fully again and now I find this. I'm sick of it! Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 It's not like I asked who was there or whatever so maybe he felt no need to mention it, not that he would mention if there were girls there anyway. I know he will think I am overreacting about this. I have bent so many of my boundaries into shape to fit in with him. Truth is, I was just beginning to trust him fully again and now I find this. I'm sick of it! If you don't mind me asking is this the same boyfriend who was going to be going to the bachelor party or something like that from some time ago? Link to comment
Keyman Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 OKay, I understand that you are annoyed at this, but this could all be harmless. Do you trust him? I ask this question based upon what you have posted. It reads like you are suspicious of his activity and are over snopping on him. When he goes to the pub, does he need to tell you of everyone he was talking to, hanging with etc? Perhaps he detagged the photos because he thought you might be over suspisious of his activity, which obviously you are as you have snooped through his and his friends pages looking for proof. I have plenty of female friends, and I have no problems with frolicking around in this fashion with some of the closer ones. It's just part of the friendship. However, when i used to drink more heavily, years ago, the people I was drinking with became my best mates and the frolicking tended to happen more often. I never took any of them home, I never slept with any of them, but we still had fun in the moment and mainly because we were drunk. Do you think you are overreacting, or do you genuinely think he is the type to go behind your back. Note, I have not read any of your previous posts. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Don't assume he 'un-tagged' the photos.. I don't 'tag' every person in every photo I put on facebook.. Someone has to make the deliberated decision to 'tag' someone She just may not have tagged him to begin with. That said, just show it to him and ask him about it. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Here's the way to find out if he deliberately un-tagged himself: Look at the other people. Is anyone else tagged? If NO ONE is tagged in any photos, then I doubt he un-tagged himself. If everyone is tagged BUT him, hmm...then you have reason to be suspicious. Link to comment
Keyman Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 It's not like I asked who was there or whatever so maybe he felt no need to mention it, not that he would mention if there were girls there anyway. I know he will think I am overreacting about this. I have bent so many of my boundaries into shape to fit in with him. Truth is, I was just beginning to trust him fully again and now I find this. I'm sick of it! Bending boundaries is all about compromise. It sounds like he has done something before, so you have the right to be suspicious depending on what it was. So, it comes down to these options... 1) if you trust him, don't read too much into it. 2) if you don't trust him, snoop like crazy, twist yourself up into an angry ball everytime he steps outside your perceived boundaries. 3) leave him and find someone that fits perfectly into your boundaries. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 Exactly. Maybe if you know this girl, knew the nature of their relationship, and knew she would be there, you would feel more comfortable with the situation. Of course, limits have to be set somewhere. Does it bother you that she's even in the picture at all, or that she's in his arms? I find the latter to be somewhat inappropriate for a guy if he's in a relationship. I don't know this girl. Never seen her before in my life. I didn't know she would be there beforehand and I didn't know she had been there until tonight. I'd like to know why a girl I have never met is taking photos of MY boyfriend and why she is having them taken WITH him. It wouldn't necessariy bother me here being here but it bothers me that they were having photo's taken of him holding her. And you are right. It is inappropriate. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 I know she tagged him because he was tagged in every other pic she took of him apart from the ones she had taken with him. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 If you don't mind me asking is this the same boyfriend who was going to be going to the bachelor party or something like that from some time ago? Yup same one and he's still going. He wants me to trust him but I certainly will not like things like this happening when he is away! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 That is bothersome. If she's a friend, why wouldn't he mention her? Perhaps he just met her there? Then that raises the question, why is he going out meeting chicks when he has a girl at home? something isn't adding up here. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 I know she tagged him because he was tagged in every other pic she took of him apart from the ones she had taken with him. This is very telling. It shows that he took the time to remove the tags from the "offending" pictures. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 Yup same one and he's still going. He wants me to trust him but I certainly will not like things like this happening when he is away! If he wants you to trust him then I do not see why he is neglecting to mention something harmless "like hey a girl I know who is a FRIEND is going with us." Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 Bending boundaries is all about compromise. It sounds like he has done something before, so you have the right to be suspicious depending on what it was. So, it comes down to these options... 1) if you trust him, don't read too much into it. 2) if you don't trust him, snoop like crazy, twist yourself up into an angry ball everytime he steps outside your perceived boundaries. 3) leave him and find someone that fits perfectly into your boundaries. He has done lots of questionable stuff before. I don't think anything happened but that's not the point. I don't like the situation. What upsets me the most is that he knew I was having a * * * * ty time in work and a hard time lately trying to find a new job. Also the fact that I sent him a heartfelt email and he still hasn't replied but keeps saying he will. This was about 3 months ago now. Keeps saying he doesn't have the time but he will do it. He has time to go out mid week though having photos taken with random girls. Also, I know that if I was there, he wouldn't have done it and my motto is, don't do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your partner. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 That is bothersome. If she's a friend, why wouldn't he mention her? Perhaps he just met her there? Then that raises the question, why is he going out meeting chicks when he has a girl at home? something isn't adding up here. She's on his friends list on FB but I've never even seen or heard of her before. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 If he wants you to trust him then I do not see why he is neglecting to mention something harmless "like hey a girl I know who is a FRIEND is going with us." He probably didn't know she would be there. He told me he was going with his mate who isn't even in the pictures, and the mate who is in the pictures, he didn't even mention he was there. Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 He probably didn't know she would be there. He told me he was going with his mate who isn't even in the pictures, and the mate who is in the pictures, he didn't even mention he was there. In that case, I would still ask him about it. I don't see the harm in that. I don't see why it would bother him. I guess you could casually ask I saw this girl in some pictures with you, who is she? Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 I think you have a right to want to know what the deal is with that. Simply for the fact that if he saw you sitting in another guy's arms, I'm sure he'd probably go ballistic and want to know what the heck is going on. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 23, 2010 Author Share Posted April 23, 2010 In that case, I would still ask him about it. I don't see the harm in that. I don't see why it would bother him. I guess you could casually ask I saw this girl in some pictures with you, who is she? Trouble is, when I saw the pics I sent angry text saying Well maybe you would like to explain why your were picking girls up tues night. To be honest, I don't care who she is. It isn't going to change the fact that the pictures are inappropriate. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.