Here we go again... photo's!

[pumpkinmoon]

I think you have a right to want to know what the deal is with that. Simply for the fact that if he saw you sitting in another guy's arms, I'm sure he'd probably go ballistic and want to know what the heck is going on.

 

That's the thing. When stuff like this happens, he always says that if it was the other way around, it wouldn't bother him. Well that may be the case, but I never give him a reason to have stuff bother him because I always conduct myself in an appropriate manner around members of the opposite sex.

[Celestialagape54]

Trouble is, when I saw the pics I sent angry text saying Well maybe you would like to explain why your were picking girls up tues night.

 

To be honest, I don't care who she is. It isn't going to change the fact that the pictures are inappropriate.

 

I am sorry if you mentioned this already but what exactly were they doing in the pictures? What made them inappropriate in your eyes?

[pumpkinmoon]

I am sorry if you mentioned this already but what exactly were they doing in the pictures? What made them inappropriate in your eyes?

 

I'd post them here but I don't want to get them to look at them again. Only way I can describe it is the way a man would carry a woman. You know, heads at the same height, her arms around his neck, his arms underneath her bum and leg.

[Celestialagape54]

I'd post them here but I don't want to get them to look at them again. Only way I can describe it is the way a man would carry a woman. You know, heads at the same height, her arms around his neck, his arms underneath her bum and leg.

 

I would definitely talk to him about it, shoot in my opinion he needs to explain what is going on. How can you give him trust if he is doing things like that? Perhaps he thinks the behavior is not inappropriate.

[pumpkinmoon]

I would definitely talk to him about it, shoot in my opinion he needs to explain what is going on. How can you give him trust if he is doing things like that? Perhaps he thinks the behavior is not inappropriate.

 

Well he obviously knows there is something wrong with it otherwise he wouldn't try to hide it.

 

I know it's not cheating or anything like that but I still don't like it. He seems to think that trust is just to trust someone not to cheat. In my eyes, to trust is to know that your partner will not do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

[Celestialagape54]

Well he obviously knows there is something wrong with it otherwise he wouldn't try to hide it.

 

I know it's not cheating or anything like that but I still don't like it. He seems to think that trust is just to trust someone not to cheat. In my eyes, to trust is to know that your partner will not do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I agree with you all the way. Also having the consideration not to do things that you think might hurt your partner. Like I said you guys need to talk because I am sure you do not want to be dealing with this all the time? I think it is inconsiderate of him not to even listen to what you have to say. Perhaps the angry text was not the way to handle the situation but still he should at least listen to why this bothered you.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well he's asleep right now so he hasn't answered. It wasn't a mean text. Just said wat I wrote here word for word.

[Celestialagape54]

Well he's asleep right now so he hasn't answered. It wasn't a mean text. Just said wat I wrote here word for word.

 

Oh sorry!! Hmm yup talk to him as soon as he has "mellowed" out I guess. Good luck.

[pumpkinmoon]

Hmmm just went to have another look, god knows why and now all of the photo's from that night are missing from his profile!

[Celestialagape54]

Hmmm just went to have another look, god knows why and now all of the photo's from that night are missing from his profile!

 

Hmmm interesting, so why take them down? Oh man...I don't even know what to say anymore, there is something fishy going on.

[greywolf]

It's not even so much the pics that would annoy me, but the fact that he's obviously trying to hide them from you. What has he got to hide? Why would he not mention the girl? Why would he untag them? If he had nothing to hide, he would have just left them as they were.

 

I'd ask him about it...but don't blow up or anything.

 

I do agree with the bolded part. There's no reason that he should hide it from shoefairy. However, shoe, have you ever gotten upset with him about something like this in the past? If so, it could just be that he doesn't like to cause trouble.

 

 

Edit: Just saw the following quote.

Well there has been photo's in the past which have annoyed me. He knows that this is something I would find unacceptable, yet he still did it.

 

So has he posted up pictures with another girl in the past where he didn't hide it? How did you react? Did you calmly explain to him that you found it unacceptable, or did you get angry?

[pumpkinmoon]

I do agree with the bolded part. There's no reason that he should hide it from shoefairy. However, shoe, have you ever gotten upset with him about something like this in the past? If so, it could just be that he doesn't like to cause trouble.

 

 

Edit: Just saw the following quote.

 

 

So has he posted up pictures with another girl in the past where he didn't hide it? How did you react? Did you calmly explain to him that you found it unacceptable, or did you get angry?

 

It may well be a case of not causing trouble but if he knows that it would annoy me or upset me, then why do it in the first place. I don't think it's too much to ask for this stuff not to go on. It's not like I'm asking him to cut a leg off or something.

 

And yes. He went to a wedding last year and had photo's taken with a woman. A wedding I wasn't invited to. What bothered me more about that was the fact that if someone were to look through his photo's they may think they were together as they looked like a couple in it and also what bothered me is the fact that he has no pictures of me on there at all! He has pics of his friends, pics of him, even his animals but me? NO!

[pumpkinmoon]

Hmmm interesting, so why take them down? Oh man...I don't even know what to say anymore, there is something fishy going on.

 

And he wonders why I have trust issues??? Also what bugs me is that there were people out that night who know me, who know we are a couple and one of them was in one of the photos. How does that make me look? It makes me look like an idiot.

[misssmithviii]

The point is really, he crossed the threshold knowingly. He knew in his heart what he was doing would hurt you, so he hid it. I can't believe people on here would condone that kind of behavior so as to "avoid conflict" or whatever - to me that's just advocating a relationship based on deceit.

 

I read what he was doing in the picture when you described it more thoroughly (her arms around his neck and his hands on/under her bum) and that's inappropriate. You need to set your boundaries, and stick to them. He will continue to abuse the right to flirt and get all touchy-feely, hide it behind your back and lie by omission until he realizes you WILL NOT put up with it.

Either he straightens his act out OR you accept his behavior OR you go into denial OR you leave.

[lavenderdove]

Shoe, you're looking for water in a dry well with this guy, again and again and again.

 

He's shown you over and over that he really doesn't care about your feelings, and basically he does whatever he wants whenever he wants and you put up with it.

 

When a guy doesn't post his girlfriend's pictures on FB, it's a sign that he considers himself as basically single and available and wants to present that face to the world, regardless of who he's dating. And he's not going to restrict his options (other girls) by posting your picture to scare them off. So if he's not actually with you in the same room, he sees himself as single and behaves accordingly.

 

He is just not mature and not ready for/interested in being in a steady relationship as his behavior shows time and time again. But he just does what he wants, and you throw a little fit, then he continues doing what he wants and nothing ever changes.

 

This is a case of how long are you willing to put up with the abuse. He just does this kind of thing over and over again, and you complain, but he never changes and you never leave. You have to decide whether you're willing to put up with his neglect/disrespect for the rest of your life, because this is who this guy really is and he's making it clear he intends to do whatever he wants and you just have to put up with it if you want to be with him. And if you don't and leave, he's in the 'so what' mode because he's always chatting up/hanging out with legions of other girls.

[einsteins_girl]

Were you guys able to talk?

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks for all of the advice. We haven't really talked about it in person. Some texts and emails have been exchanged but in person, nothing has really been talked about.

 

He basically thinks I am overreacting in a big way and thinks it's a case of pure jealousy on my part which I don't feel is the case. He has also dragged up the fact that he thinks I don't trust him now but to me, it isn't about trust at all.

[Rose21]

This would be breaking up grounds for me and my boyfriend, or atleast SERIOUSLY look over/consider the relationship for both me and my boyfriend.

 

 

Trust/fidelity is very serious with us, and frankly, one of the few grounds that would break us up.

 

I wouldn't even be suprised to find out that this guy is cheating, maybe.

 

It's not just the pictures, that would get me EXTREMLY angry in itself, but the fact of him hiding it, also get me very angry by itself (like there is some secret, anything you feel like you have to "hide" from your partner is cheating in my book) But the 2 combined? double whammy, possible dismiss. Big possibility.

 

Sounds like he doesn't respect you.

 

What loving, caring boyfriend, that generally loves his girlfriend and respects her would carry another girl in his arms unless she was sick/hurt and needed medical attention??!

 

Obviously one that doesn't care enough or respect you, that's who.

 

If I caught my boyfriend in that situation, I'd be furious. If he caught me in that situation, he'd be furious.

 

It's just a loose-loose all around.

 

I think, you should just call it quits with this guy. AND if it's the same guy with the bachelor party, I don't know why you didn't do it than!!

 

Those are HUUUGE red flags. I think he could be cheating, or atleast acting very shady. In all honesty, you say he is trying to make it up to you and prove to you that he can be trusted, but any guy with a brain would stop this behavior and going to bachelor parties like he does.

 

Every guy is different, and trust makes a huge difference, but even if my boyfriend was invited to a friend's bachelor party and it was a one time thing, I still don't think he would go. He just isn't like that, and I don't think he has any friends that would throw something/suggest something like that to start.

 

At our wedding, I personally will never have a bachelor party. I find it tacky, and a sad excuse for men to get drunk/fool around. That's my preference, and I'm not saying all bachelor parties are like this at all, if he DID go to one and there was those things going on, he'd leave, I'm just saying I DONT like them.

 

No offense, but I think he is doing a REALLY crappy job at proving himself to you, infact, just the opposite.

 

I'd drop him in a heart beat, I've seen too many red flags to count so far, not the kind of relationship I'd want to be in. I'm normally a jealous/insecure person, and this kind of issue would just send me to an early grave! Espec if he is still doing it after you told him you didn't like it. Any guy that respected you would stop, or seriously try to if he knew it upset you and was trying to redeem himself.

 

He was already on thin ice, to me the ice has broke, long ago.

 

How long have you been together?