Gf broke up with me and now I've ruined any chance of getting back together.

[Hank1999]

Long story short... My gf broke up with me about three weeks ago because she wanted to "focus on herself, work, and school".

 

After no contact for a while... she was missing me and lonely and telling me she loved me and stuff (calling and texting me late nights). I think I might have actually had a chance to get back with her. She was even telling me she wanted me to come hold her. But then one night I screwed it up big time. I missed her call one night... and I told her the next day that I "didn't want to play games and that I loved her but that I didn't want to be lead on if nothing was ever going to happen again". I said it very meanly though and kinda attacked her. We argued a bit... which wasn't good... because she didn't message me again... at all.

 

 

I was just getting tired of waiting... i WANTED to be with her... but it was killing me hearing these things and not being with her. So I screwed it up and I sent her a letter telling her I was "ok with the breakup and that maybe someday we can come together again". (probably a stupid idea) The letter was I guess kind of confusing.. and she thinks I want to move on completely... although I'm pretty sure I destroyed any chance with her when we argued last week. Long story short... I have screwed up any chances of ever fixing anything between us and now I feel like a complete dumb as* for even sending the letter or any of the stuff I did that screwed up our chances.

 

I want to move on... I feel like a dumb as* and I screwed up our chance of ever getting back together... I am pissed at myself. I don't know what to do. I hate myself for throwing away any chance we might have had!! Help me feel better please... help me move on and not beat myself up over this.

 

Help me out... any advice? Please =( I'm hurting bad. I hate this.

[abitbroken]

What do you want to do?

 

Do you want to get back together with her or do you want to move on? If you do want to get back together, then talk to her. Tell her that you love her, but you were a little confused. You want to be with her, but you felt she was giving you false hope on the phone. Tell her that you don't want to just flirt on the phone. You want to be back with her. If she doesn't want you, then to leave you alone because its too hard to talk to her and not be with her.

 

If you talk to her and are up front, you have your answer whether you really screwed up or not. based on her response etc, you can decide whether to never answer her calls again.

 

But don't just sit and wait with your hopes.

[tf987]

How long were you together? Sometimes after a break up the person that initiated it will miss the other person being around - which doesn't mean they actually want that person back - it is just a chemical / biological thing.

 

But I agree with the other poster - figure out what you want first - then figure out if that works with what she wants. What age bracket are you two in?

[restingpieces]

If someone loves you, there are very few things you can do to do wrong in their eyes. And something as understandable as getting emotional/being slightly harsh, all the while while maintaining a valid point, is not one of those few things.

 

You did not hit her. You did not lie. You did not cheat. I would chalk up her lack of contact to the fact that while she may care for you, she may not love you as much as you love her.

 

On the flip side, she may just need time to cool off and could possibly reach out once she does.

 

So, either way, keep moving forward because you'll heal in time and perhaps, be pleasantly surprised if she contacts you, or, you meet someone new who sparks your interest.

[woodc5]

I don't exactly see what you did wrong other than maybe the way you addressed her when you were telling her how you felt. The bottom line is, you were right for telling her your intentions and that you don't want to be led on. Nobody should have to deal with being strung along. She may have only contacted you because she was lonely, but she may have also contacted you because she's reconsidering her decision. You have to find out from her up front. If she still says she wants space to figure herself out, then you need to give her space. Her mind will have been made up, and there's very little you can do until she works things out on her own. Don't hold yourself back waiting for her to come around, though. She may not. If she does, it will probably be when you don't expect it. If she wants to focus on her, you should take this downtime to focus on yourself just as much. If you two truly love each other, you'll come back together. If not, there's someone else waiting for you.