Hilarious Blind Date Stories

[newwave]

Let me see...

 

1) Met a beautiful woman online (POF) who seemed light and fun. I met her at a local restaurant and when I walked in she was a good 30lb overweight and upon saying hello she had a lisp. I figured just enjoy the night and have a good meal. By the end of the night we ended up at my place to watch fireworks and she kept going on and on about how she has been so sad because she thought she would be alone forever util I can around....on a first date. Dropped her off and said good by.

 

I had something like this also happen on a first date. Nice enough guy but not attracted to him. He kept talking about our future including the wedding we'd have.

 

The weight thing is the #1 lie I've found from online dating. People are rarely the weight they say. That's another reason I've given up on online dating.

[OntheWire]

I welcome the institution of arranged marriages.

[Hopelives]

was he a director or a producer? i know movie/tv directors can be a little strange at times.. can't say about producers though

 

I think he was the director/producer; can't even remember his name but he was tall, poorly mannered, and very - did I mention this - L O U D!!!

 

Eee gad. I died laughing. We were set up on one of the Just Lunch things...

 

Which reminds me about another story:

 

guy says he's 6'0" and I'm thinking at that point in my life, okay, a little short but what the heck, I'll expand my comfort zone.

 

So, I show up to the place, my favorite restaurant, I'd seen his picture, nice looking guy, and seriously....

 

this 5'3" dude walks in and says he looking for me... then points at me and says, "AWESOME HOT!"

 

I'm 6'1"... do the visualizations

[jengh]

I think he was the director/producer; can't even remember his name but he was tall, poorly mannered, and very - did I mention this - L O U D!!!

 

Eee gad. I died laughing. We were set up on one of the Just Lunch things...

 

Which reminds me about another story:

 

guy says he's 6'0" and I'm thinking at that point in my life, okay, a little short but what the heck, I'll expand my comfort zone.

 

So, I show up to the place, my favorite restaurant, I'd seen his picture, nice looking guy, and seriously....

 

this 5'3" dude walks in and says he looking for me... then points at me and says, "AWESOME HOT!"

 

I'm 6'1"... do the visualizations

 

lmaooo... does he think you won't notice? If it was just an inch or two, no big deal, but ~9"?

[jengh]

I went hiking on my last online date, but she was wearing tennis shoes... and she out-hiked me by far. We're going up an incline so steep I would have thought of using rope. I'm winded like crazy and she's just chatting away like she's at the mall.

 

I LOVE hiking, I just wish when I asked him what we were doing and how to dress accordingly (aka, no heels for outdoors!), he would have at least clued me in that the date would be outdoor based!

[Hopelives]

lmaooo... does he think you won't notice? If it was just an inch or two, no big deal, but ~9"?

It's really completely and utterly tasteless of me to say, but thought of something "tossing" came to mind and I started die in a giggling spurt.

 

I told a few friends of mine (males) and of course, they wanted to point out where the dude came to...

[Shudder]

Where's Jpo?

[Hopelives]

Where's Jpo?

What's that?

[lila...]

Where's Jpo?

 

lol his stories are hilarious

[teabee]

"Where's Jpo?"

"What's that?"

 

Lol!

[Buttterfly]

I went out with this guy. everyhting ok, until he tells me he lives with his mum. thats ok. but he wouldnt stop. he declared his love for his mum. his mum is everything. he would do anything for his mum. thats cool. then he asked me eventually, inthe conversation, why did i split up with my ex. i didnt have the heart to tell him my ex was a mamma's boy. that my ex did everything that mamma said to the point where i had to break freea fter a 3 yrs relationship fighting against mum.

but.

at the end of the date he asks me if i can be his gf.

it was the very fisrt dat, the very first time i had met him.

i laughed it off and graciously refused it. i blamed it onthe common sense theory, namely, lets just see how we get along....!!!

 

he did not like it. long story short, he got v upset. i was in tears almost with laugher- though i didnt laugh on his face. i culdnt believe it, i just thought he was joking.

but no. hey ho,

he asked not to see me ever again. cos i am not areliable as he would need a woman to be. ( he meant mum?).

 

well. he said he will delete his number of his fone and will i please not contact him again.

i said ok. ( slightly distressed now whether his car doors were locked or not._). but i got out,. i told him see ya dot worry abt me ill be ok.

 

he did thought call me the next day, i didnt answer.

he called again. and again, for a couple of weeks.

 

yuk.

 

he is gone now. but i might have just escape a neurotic.

[Organs]

This was the I94 tollway in the South Suburbs, not too far from there though. I'm not sure if it's there because this was in 1992.

 

Whoa, how 'bout that? I can't tell you if the McDonald's is still there because I'm more familiar with the west suburbs.

 

Alright, I guess this doesn't count as a blind date, since I saw the girl's picture. And yeah, pretty much the only dating I've ever done was with the help of the internet. But anyways...

 

I tried the site "Ok! Cupid" before and met this girl. We spoke online through the site and agreed to meet for drinks or whatever. Nothing serious, just face-to-face conversation. I lived in the south side of Chicago at the time, in Bridgeport. She lived in the southwest suburbs. We had to meet near where she lived for whatever reason, but me being the gentleman, I was okay with this.

 

Anyways, we go to a bar she likes because it has karaoke. Okay, fine. When I find the address, I find it's within a bowling alley. Unusual, but I suppose nitpicking about this would be snobbery, so I disregard walking through a family place with kids everywhere to get to the bar. I eye her sitting in a booth.

 

AS SOON AS I SIT DOWN, the waiter comes up to say hi to her. This is a REALLY regular place for her, where everyone knows her. So he leans in and starts chatting with her like they haven't seen each other in forever and they're going on and on....for what is literally at least fifteen minutes. I checked my watch. I'm just watching her talk to this guy and I'm not even introduced, or noticed.

 

She glibly apologizes and says she hasn't spoken to him in forever, so I get the idea she's a little unschooled in dating etiquette. Whatever. She was 23 or so at the time (I forget how old I was) and we start chatting and getting to know each other. I tell her a bit about myself and ask her about herself, starting with what she does.

 

She tells me she isn't employed and hasn't been employed for some time. Alright, so maybe she's in school, so I ask where she's going and what she's studying. She tells me she never bothered with college because she just didn't like that whole getting-up-early/taking-notes/doing-homework thing. In short, she dismissed the entire collegiate academic process like a dive bar enthusiast dismisses ritzy night clubs, or a hipster would dismiss anything not related to the hipster lifestyle.

 

I then ask her what she wants to do for a living and she tells me she wants to be a writer and that she's written some stuff here and there. Okay, so I ask if she's had anything published, and she tells me she hasn't even finished a short story to even send it anywhere! At this point, I'm just wishing for the "date" to end soon.

 

She eventually decides to get up and sing for karaoke. Oh yeah, and some of her friends are at the next table, and I think one told me that she was feeling tired and that I should just head home after this because she's doing the same. I don't argue and leave.

 

I can't remember how the correspondence was after that, but I remember being incredulous that someone could be that unscrupulous!

[OntheWire]

but no. hey ho,

 

lol............

[OntheWire]

Heh... maybe if you had worn a t-shirt with a giant pot leaf, had several facial piercings, and worked at a tattoo parlour, she would have gone for you.

[Organs]

Heh... maybe if you had worn a t-shirt with a giant pot leaf, had several facial piercings, and worked at a tattoo parlour, she would have gone for you.

 

Maybe the piercings and being chromed and polished would make her fall for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(shiny object reference)

[rose666]

I just had a weird night--NOTHING compared to some of these stories, but still kinda funny.

 

Before we met I said I ONLY wanted to meet as friends. I did not want a blind date situation, and he said Great because he didn't either. He was just gettting out of a divorce. So I thought it would be a nice night, drinks, and that's it.

 

I am 5 ' 9. This guy said he was between 5'6 and 5' 7.

 

He shows up...he must have been only 5'4. I was towering over him. Not only that, the strangest thing is that he was carrying a book by Robert Bly--Iron Man or something like that, about "Reclaiming Your Masculinity." Ew! The ENTIRE time he stared at my chest. He had hair plugs and I am SURE tons of plastic surgery. So weird. Mid-life crisis big time.

 

Nevertheless he was a nice guy and good conversation. But we had made a pact that it was just for friends. After drinks we went for a walk in the park and within two seconds he was trying to make out and get his hands on my chest.

[orchidrose]

Oh man, this thread is awesome. A month or so after my LT ex and I broke up, I went on a date with a guy from Craigslist. Should've known better (on both the timing and the website), but I just wanted to get out there. We had texted back and forth and I knew he worked at a chocolate factory (yeah, that's right) and had just moved here from Idaho. In his picture, he looked like a brown-haired Adrian Grenier. I was so excited to meet him.

 

He suggested we just hang out at his place, which again should've made me run, but I said whatever. I got there and he was maybe 30 pounds heavier than his picture, and not nearly as attractive. I knew pretty quickly between that and our conversation that this wasn't gonna work. His apartment was in a really bad part of town, in a very old building, and he had a tiny studio that reeked of smoke. He got out some wine and cheese and poured me a huge glass. I struggled to make conversation and I guess he realized something was off, so he suggested we take a walk.

 

We do that and come back, and by this point it's been a few hours. I tell him that I'm really tired and have to be up early and try to leave. He gets really sad and says "You don't like me. I know you don't like me." So I try to be graceful and tell him that he's a nice guy, but I just got out of an LTR and this is my first date since that, and I don't know if I'm ready (also true). Then he starts pressing me for details about my ex - what he looked like, why we broke up! I was mortified, but I hoped that would finally get him to let me leave. So I started talking about my ex and that led to crying, which led to him finally letting me go. He walked me to the train looking all angry and bitter, and e-mailed me the next morning saying he wished I would give him a chance.

 

The best part? I responded to another ad on CL a few weeks later, when I was feeling better about dating. I didn't receive a response back, but I DID receive another e-mail from date guy. He said that I had lied to him because his friend had told him I responded to his CL ad, and I was a huge b***h and that I was his "last shot at happiness" in Chicago because he was going to move back to Idaho now.

 

PSYCHO.

[teabee]

Jeffrey Dahmer worked in a chocolate factory... with my superior logic skills I have taken that information and deduced that your craigslist date was probably a serial killer as well.

Dun dun dunnnn

[orchidrose]

Jeffrey Dahmer worked in a chocolate factory... with my superior logic skills I have taken that information and deduced that your craigslist date was probably a serial killer as well.

Dun dun dunnnn

 

Wouldn't have been surprised. Seriously, looking back on it now, it's still funny, but I'm also kicking myself for being so stupid.