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We're done for good but she needs me right now...what do I do??


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Me and my ex were together for 4 years and throughout that 4 years we had plenty of rocky moments. She ended up leaving me last year and got a little crazy at college. She met two guys and ended up sleeping with them (not at the same time, different weekends). I ended up taking her back after a few months and things seemed to be getting back to normal (we were both very happy and things were looking up). Then on Sunday we got to talking and she admitted that she is best friends with one of the guys she had slept with and that she had been lying to me about never talking to anymore. I was obviously hurt and told her that things were finally finished between us because I cannot take the lying and the pain.

 

Today she called me and was crying. I asked he was as up (assuming it was because I left her) and she told me she just learned her aunt is about to die. I guess the doctor told her aunt that she's really sick and isn't improving. Her aunt lives with my ex and her mom, so her aunt is almost like another mother figure to my ex. On top of all that, she just texted me because she's going to the emergency room tonight with bloody stool and blood clots (she has super bad periods).

 

So here I am, trying to be firm and end things properly, but she obviously needs me right now. What do I do???? I have too big of a heart to tell her to deal with it on her own or to tell her she should have thought about it before lying to me again. I want to help but I want to be serious about us being done. I told her if she needed someone to talk to I would be there for her (about her aunt) but that it wouldn't change anything between us.

 

What do I do from here? I'm just scared of falling into that "come-home-to-guy" thing

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You don't have to tell her to deal with it on her own..she lives with her mother.

 

Just don't respond. These could be tactics to get you to talk to her, they could be legitimate concerns, but either way there is nothing you can do. Being in contact w/ her is only going to cause you pain. Don't fall into this, ignore her.

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If you want to keep a friendship alive, then you'll need to be there for her. If not, as hard as it is you shouldn't get involved.

 

Don't do anything more than what you would do for any other friend in a similar situation. You can't let the lines between friend and boyfriend get blurry.

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She's in college and lives in a dorm of the college about 30 minutes from me. I don't know if I could ignore her because I got close with her family, especially her aunt...and this blood problem she is having tonight is really worrying me...I don't know...

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Ok, I think your first gut-reaction to her lying and disregard for your feelings was correct.

 

People can have "too-big-of-a-heart" and this leads to many problems in your own life. The decision you made was to cut yourself off from her, I presume because she is a bad influence on your life and you are better off pursuing other avenues, in keeping in touch with her after her blatant disrespect for you is only hurting yourself.

 

Do not hinder any moment of your life for a girl who doesn't even truly care about you, she's just using you as emotional support. Girls today like to leave guys on the back-burner so to speak and go back to those guys whenever they need somebody to care for them and "fill-in" that spot of "the guy who's arm is around me".

More often than not, these girls do this sort of thing unknowingly, but it's messed up either way.

 

Keep that tenacity to respect yourself. She doesn't need you, she just needs somebody. That's what you gotta realize here, it could be ANY OTHER guy she's texting.

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If what she is saying is true (and verifiable) then you could help her out and stand by here as a friend. But make it clear that is all that it is and once you have given her the immediate help that she needs and someone else is there for her - time to walk away with your conscience clear.

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I'm confused. Her aunt lives with your ex and her mum, and your ex lives in the college dorm 30 minutes away?

 

And she was lying about not talking to anyone? So you broke up with her. Was she still dating him or just talking to him, as you described them as best friends?

 

It's obvious she still wants you around and she seems to be trying some tactics to get you there. Is she seeing someone else, or are you just upset that she is still friends with this guy she slept with?

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Nah, she's on her own. She can go to her "best friend" to talk about this.

 

If I were you, I would text her. "I'm sorry you're going through this." Then call your phone company and have her number blocked from contacting you.

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She already has a best friend to be there for her...the guy she banged and has been talking to behind your back. There's nothing you can do to fix either situation, you can't stop her aunt from dying and you can't stop her from bleeding to from her vagina and anus. Are you really that much of a sucker? Dude, you're gonna be back with this girl in no time getting walked all over again..have fun with all this.

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I know this is hard, but don't even bother with her. She has a best friend, the guy she banged. Let her go to him in this time and need. If she was willing to betray you like that, what kind of person does that make her? She obviously doesn't care about you.

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Lets see... You want to end this properly without saying anything cruel.

 

The best thing to do is to ignore her.... If she texts you, ignore her and delete them if you have to, if she calls you, ignore it, if you run into her, just walk away....

 

After a while, she should get the message... This way, you won't end up back with her AND you don't have to say anything rude because you won't be saying anything at all!

 

Problem Solved!

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I also feel like you need to keep distance from this girl... but not necessarily from the same perspective as the other posters. You have made the decision not to be with her- which is fine, your happy with that, so you need to commit to that. Being there for her won't do her OR you any favours in the long run.

 

Slightly different situation... but my ex has been trying to 'be there' for me but it's done more than harm good cos it made me believe he actually cared about me... so when I felt better and he left AGAIN it made things doubly hard!

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I think your fear is pretty rational. Initially I say don't be that "go to guy" for her when no one else is around, simply because she needs attention.

 

But I also understand the feeling of wanting to be there for someone despite what they've done to you. Because your concern for them overwhelms their wrongdoings against you. So..I say do what you gotta do. Be there for her for now if that's what you feel like you have to do, but be just that. There for now during this time. After that, pull away. If she questions why, then lay it out for her.

 

But honestly, it sounds like she's got enough help.

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