Boyfriend's Female Friend Doesn't Respect Boundaries

[Mauxly]

Sigh. He has suffered from depression for most of his life, and I have tried to help him with it, by suggesting psychiatry. I do a lot of things daily to try and make things less stressful etc. But apparently I am the reason he is depressed. I've unfortunately had a previous boyfriend and a best friend who suffered from depression. They never blamed me for it though

There's not really any thing more I can do in this situation I believe. I only take a small comfort in knowing that unless he seeks treatment he is bound to do this with someone else (not that I like the idea of another person being hurt), but it helps in not blaming myself for it as well.

 

I love this post. It shows me that you are lightyears ahead of most people (er...me...) when it comes to this stuff. You are not taking responsibility for his actions. This means that it will be much easier for you to leave with your head held high and not look back.

 

I'm sad for what you are going through. But I'm really happy for you in that you have a great head on your shoulders.

[iilovehiim]

I know you dont know me and that I posted my own problem online although I do very well when it comes to others in need of advice. Honey DUMP HIM!!! You need to look at the picture leave him alone, do good for yourself, he's a has been and never will be worth your time! Take control of the situation tell him your going to leave him then leave him. Dont call or txt him. Take yoga relieve yourself of this stress and if it was meant to be he will come back crawling to you! Sometimes men need a taste of their own medicine!! AND if he doesn't your better off because you know 1 spoiled fish is out the see but theres millions more waiting to get to know you and RESPECT you!

[mmasq]

Not feeling as strong tonight I'm sad to say. My boyfriend was my best friend on top of it all. I moved almost 2hrs away from the nearest friends I have, and we aren't that close. Most of my other friends live in far away states. I have no family. I really wish I had a mom right about now. The boyfriend, well exbf, as I should be reminding myself to type, and I spoke very briefly tonight. I was trying to find out what we should do about our lease. He had no input. I had to ask, and foolishly, whether he really meant what he said re: not caring about whether I thought he had been cheating on me. He confirmed that yes, that is definitely how he feels. I'm so floored by this. It's really hard to picture someone you have been with for as long as we have having such thoughts about you. I keep wondering what I could have done to deserve this treatment. I remind myself that it's his problem. That no matter what I have done in our relationship that wasn't ideal, I don't deserve this. I feel even murderers in prison are treated better than he's treating me. They get to have families who support them, even victim's families will come forth and testify at their parole hearings that they think the murderer should be released; that they have forgiven them. So how could I possibly warrant such horrible treatment. I'm feeling so betrayed. Any time I have been hurt by a lover in the past it was almost expected. I saw their character was headed that way; it was obvious to me that something bad was brewing. But I really didn't expect it this time. This absolutely feels like the worst experience to date, because he was someone who swore to me that he was "different" that he would show me a different kind of man. Someone to protect me and care for me. I'm left asking myself, was he ever being honest, or was he just the biggest manipulator of them all.

I'm hoping I'll be able to sleep tonight, but I'm having all these horrible past memories float to the service, on top of not really feeling emotionally safe around him, yet not capable of being anywhere else due to lack of transportation, funds and noone close by.

 

Another long one. Felt good to write it though.

[faithful14]

There is a guy out there who will love you and cherish you for everything that you are. You deserve the best and you don't need this guy.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

This is the example of one time in which being easy going, understanding and calm can backfire. Luckily, there aren't many other downsides to the way you view life. He found it easy to railroad over you because you were sympathetic and gave him leeway. He is a user, and now the task is only to recover and find people in your life who will see your demeanor as a positive thing, not something to abuse.

[G-Snap]

wow, i am stunned by his reaction.

 

is there a chance that what he is really saying is not that he wants to break up but that he feels he is being accused of something he didn't do? I know this is a stretch, just trying to help you cover all possible bases. is there any chance you think he didn't cheat and the accusation has him acting over the top like a huge victim? he has to know that his actions would lead many secure people to this conclusion, so even if this is what is going on, this guy needs to get a darn grip.

 

I am so sorry. I know this must be simply devastating! I dont even know you or this guy and am shocked at how this is turning out!

[mmasq]

Hi everyone,

Well I thought I would come back and post here an update on my situation.

After a gruelling week of avoidance, and then one wonderful night of cooking for him, sharing a meal, the best conversation of our relationship in many years, I got my hopes only to be dashed again the very next day.

Last night he told me I really should be going, and I had been but I was hoping to use the full 2 weeks that I needed to move out.

I said goodbye to him this morning, he asked if he could give me hug, I said yes. But it ended too soon

He's gone and I will not see him again, or maybe not for a very very long time. I have to finish packing my things, separating our possessions, and say goodbye to my best friend, my lover of 4 yrs, and 2 adorable cats.

I don't think I could feel much worse than this.

I'm assuming I'll spend a lot of time around this forum trying to figure out a way to cope the intense grief I'm feeling.

 

I can't finish up this post eloquently because I'm too emotional to type

 

Wish me well.

[geekgirl4]

Hope things will look up for you! A chapter in your life has closed. There were regretful memories but you must have had many great ones to keep going on for 4 years. Those 4 years turned you into the wonderful and strong person you are today so keep believing in that! Start anew, cut your hair, change your life, do something great because you deserve it!

[sophie274]

I'm so sorry mmasq. I have never lived with anyone, but I went through a break-up of a 3.5 year relationship (actually exactly a year ago we broke up) and it was truly awful. It's taken me the better part of a year to get over it, with some months in there being very very dark, but I did eventually make it out the other end - something that seemed almost unattainable during the worst of it - and I am back to happy and hoping to find someone else. We'll all be here for you.

 

Can you not take your cats with you? Or are they his?

 

And you know, it can be helpful, in the early stages of the break-up, to get ANGRY instead of getting sad ... so that when you feel yourself getting weepy, you can get angry instead, and it sort of helps motivate you to get out of the relationship and move on. I was never very good at being angry - because when I thought of the awful things he did to me, I just got even more upset that someone I loved would do that to me - but you have plenty of material to get angry, so if you can, try to remember this thread when you feel the tears coming on, or if you get the urge to call him. This is a guy who said he didn't care if you thought he was cheating on you!!!

 

Big hugs.