I really need help, you guys ...

[ToF]

Hey all,

 

So my boyfriend is very depressed right now, about school, his job that he left in order to go back to school, and general doubts/insecurities.

 

I just don't know what to do! He's so unresponsive. He sounded better on the phone earlier today, but when I got back home (I stay with him during the week) he was totally back in this slump.

 

He told me specifically that his feelings have nothing to do with me or our relationship, and that I should not worry, but it is VERY difficult when he is barely even talking. He helped me with my homework and made a couple of jokes, but then he just went quiet again.

 

I feel like I should talk him through it or something, but when I asked him about it just now as he was going to bed, he just sort of grunted. I know he's not trying to be mean, and he's even said how bad he feels about treating me that way.

 

What do I do?

[Is]

Your boyfriend does not need talking, he needs opportunities. Action is stronger than words. Hope I help

[eggplant47]

I would suggest to him that he see a counselor. Of course, part of a relationship is supporting your SO but you cannot be his sole support, it's too much of a burden for one person.

 

Plus, a counselor may offer more options to help him through this difficult time in his life than you are able to as a very loving, but not proffessionally trained girlfriend.

[IKnowTheFeelin]

Did he not want to leave his job to go back to school? Why would he make a choice like that, that would depress him? I guess I don't really understand the situation, but if you could shed some more light on why he's depressed I think it would help. I'm not really sure I can give much advice on why unless we know more about the root cause.

 

I can say that I've gotten depressed in similar fashion, but having my girlfriend try and talk me through it never helped. If he wants your help through it, he'll seek you out, just let him know you're there if he needs you, but make sure to give him the space to solve his problems the way he feels is best

 

If you can give more information on the root cause, I could probably help out with some more specifics.

 

Good luck!

[ToF]

Hi there, thanks for the help.

 

Well he left his job because he hated it, and went back to school to do something he has always wanted to do. It's a very rigorous program though, so it's making him doubtful of his abilities. His former job is causing him trouble now because he didn't leave on the best terms. In a nutshell, his former co-workers and best friends felt abandoned, despite him giving tons of notice. That job was his life, so now it's all sort of overwhelming him.

 

It's just all very stressful, and it's taking a huge toll.