gaga920 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 my friend is having a patio party at a sox game this summer for her birthday. all included in the price is free drinks, food and the ticket. it is a pretty good deal, and I wanted to take my boyfriend with me. so I figured I could pay for both of us, not a big deal. I asked him just now "would you want to go to *friends* birthday party?" I told him details and before I could say I'd pay for him he was like "well I am already going to a cubs game the first so I don't know about that" HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO TELL HIM WHAT DATE IT WAS ON SO HOW DOES HE KNOW RIGHT AWAY HE CAN'T GO. I explaind I would pay for him, and really all he had to do was buy his drinks at the stadium. he was super lame about it. he didn't seem to want to do it and I just don't get this anymore I am fed up!!! he NEVER hangs with my friends. I never ask him to do stuff with them really... if we ever do anything it is with his friends. I don't get what is the big deal abotu going with me to this game. it's a practiaclly free baseball game. and my best friends boyfriend will be there, and they have hung out a few times and get along fine. we have been together 5 years. he never wants to hang with my friends, and getting him to go to Easter sunday at my grandma's is like pulling damn nails. I am sick of this. I don't know what to do... he tihnks I am being a baby by being upset about this. but I am sick of having a boyfriend who I can't even take to hang out with my friends. I don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Either accept the fact that he doesn't like hanging out with your friends or break up with him. You can't make people like each other or feel comfortable with strangers when they just don't. What is so important about having him hang out with your friends anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 either accept the fact that he doesn't like hanging out with your friends or break up with him. You can't make people like each other or feel comfortable with strangers when they just don't. What is so important about having him hang out with your friends anyway? edit didnt see the cubs game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelava1 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 well the straightforward answer is yes either accept that he doesn't want to hang out with your friends or break up with him. that said, it sounds like there's a little more going on there. is he being possessive? him not wanting to hang out with your friends (or even have you two hang out with his friends) strikes me as a sign of insecurity, especially after 5 years. maybe getting to the bottom of "why" here will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 common now its a free baseball game with your SO and some people for a few hours..how bad can that really be...if she does things with her SO's friends i cant see why he cant suck it up a little and go to the game for a few hours..the OP sounded really excited about it Because he doesn't want to go. And if he goes this time he will be expected to go more times. After all, if he can suck it up once he can suck it up once more, or twice more, or "come on, it's only once a week", or whenever he is asked to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 ^^^ i edited my post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I think that you have to respect the fact that he doesnt liking hanging out with your friends. If you cannot respect that then the relationship will just slowly die because you will expect him to hang out with your friends and he wont want to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happylady Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 have you asked him why he seems reluctant to hang out with your friends? I personally would feel bad if my bf kept turning down invites to hang with my friends and I. I see him as my best friend and enjoy his company when out with my friends. A couple of my ex's didnt like hanging out with my friends all that much and it wouldnt be fun to go out with someone you had to force. Im not sure what to tell you except if it bothers you that much (and it would me) then let him know and if acts like it isnt a big deal and wont explain to you why he feels the way he does or compromise then maybe you should look into other aspects of your relationship. Is everything else ok except for this? He might really have a hard time with people he isnt all that familiar with. Are you willing to live with this? I hope you guys can work through it but if not then maybe you should review your relationship and see if you are truly happy with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 did you ask him why he doesn't like to hang out with your friends? i take it that this is an important thing to you. is it important that your boyfriend like and be friends with your friends? what if he likes them so much, he starts hanging out with them without you. would that upset you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HouseKitten Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I disagree that it's as simple as 'lump it or leave him'. Have you actually had a conversation with him about exactly why he's not happy to do this? Or any other time? It sounds like you hardly ever ask him to come out with you and your friends - does it really have to be a massive problem for him? I know my boyfriend isn't as comfortable with my friends yet as I am, but we don't go out very often (like once a month max) so if something special like a birthday comes up, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to come along. 5 years is a long time for someone to still be opposed to meeting your friends or seeing your family. You get serious with someone, it's generally expected that you make an effort to get along with the people they value. It doesn't sound like he wants to even try - until you get to the bottom of why that is, this can't be resolved because one of you will always resent the other depending on who gets their way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taikero Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I think after 5 years if he can't even go to a friend's birthday party at a baseball game almost for free you've got issues. This is exceptionally true when he cut you off before even knowing the date. I'd examine your relationship and try to figure out what the real problem(s) is here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happylady Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I think she just wants him to hang out with her doing things she likes and with people she cares for. If it is only her hanging out with him and his friends and he doesnt have any interest to do the things she cares to do then I think her anger is warrented. I enjoy going out with my bf and his friends to see him in his element they are good people and make him feel good and that makes me feel good. Vice versa with me and my friends. I'm not saying that this guy is wrong for feeling the way he does, but he may just be wrong for her if she wants someone that is more interested in the things she wants to do as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaga920 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 the thing is this.... we live in a college town. I have two of my friends from my "group" still here and he has his friends. if we ever do anything, it is with his friends. simple as that. his friends are like my friends now because of this situaiton which I am fine with. I want him to go, because I think it would be fun to do with him. I want to be able to bring my boyfriend around my friends and have it all be ok. Most of the time, its all my friends and their boyfriends and then there is me... with everyone asking me where he is or why he didn't come. it get's old making up stupid excuses when he could of just came and hung out. it's not that he doesn't like my friends, because he has never given that impression. I don't really know what it is.... it seems he never wants to make plans with me. he is always quick to make plans with his friends but the second I ask him to do something it is always "ooooh .... we'll see what happens" I don't know if it is a control thing... I don't know. I just keep thinking that if it is this damn hard now, what about when we are married. *and he has met all of my friends numerous times......... so it is not like he "won't know anyone" thanks for listening guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I want him to go, because I think it would be fun to do with him. Fun for whom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confused25 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Hi gaga920! I can totally feel your pain! My bf is like that sometimes. He is usually pretty good with hanging out with my friends but sometimes he would only go if I *really* want him to go. I don't push him to do anything he doesn't want to, but I do feel that if it's something that's important to you, then he should suck it up and just go. I do the same thing for him as well. He knows I don't like doing certain activities with him and his friends but I always suck up and go because I know it's important to him that I can share those things with him. I think it goes both ways. Maybe he just doesn't realize that the game means that much to you. Maybe have a talk with him about it? I am super close with my friends and we are like sisters, so it's really important for me personally to have my bf get along with my friends. Bottom line is, if he truly cares about you and he knows that this means a lot to you then he should go. It also goes both ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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