He always accuse me of lying when I am not.

[Ammanda]

We've been dating a while and things were going well until he backfired at me completely.

He accused me of lying about my feelings for him, told me that he knew about it and I should stop. That he love me a lot and feel that he's being lied to.

I asked him why he thought that, and he didn't really had an answer but repeated himself, that he knew.

I explained to him, opened up to him that I do love him and I'm serious about us, asked him to stop thinking that and we argued. I got mad, that he kept arguing despite me telling him clearly how I feel.

3 days later he talked to him, said he was sorry and we went back to what we had.

Yesterday, same thing happened. "I wish you could have just been honest with me and not make me believe you actually still had feelings for me"

I asked him, again why he thought that and he said that it's because I don't do as much as he does in the relationship.

 

I'm not independent, I don't ignore him so I don't get why he's like that with me.

 

Help me understand please.

[nutbrownhare]

He sounds paranoid. Ironically, his attempts to reassure himself are more likely to drive you away in the longer term - trying to have a relationship with someone like this can be really, really draining.

 

Only you can decide whether the good bits are worth it for this kind of stuff; remember, it's not what you're doing, but his lack of trust and suspicion which are driving this behaviour. And it's unlikely to be anything to do with you - the fact that you are mystified at his response and seeking advice on here speaks volumes.

 

Is this the same guy who had fallen in love with you before you'd ever met?

[Xylitol]

He's definitly a victim of the paranoid.

 

You have to tell him that he only has 50% control in the relationship, and that is he himself, there are things in life that he has in control and things that he doesn't , and that a relationship is about trust ,loving someone sometimes means letting them go, and that he therefore should stop to be a prisoner of his paranoia, sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

 

You are innocent until proven guilty.

[Anyway]

I agree with nutbrownhare, he does sound like having trust issues and I think it's quite difficult to deal with this character trait. The most dangerous thing about jealousy is that everything you do to make it better, will make it worse. It will lead to some kind of cross examination over time. Furthermore, it will lead to endless tests of love which will eventually drain you.

 

What can you do? I think you should examine if it's worth the hassle. Please remember that only one man can help your boyfriend - it's him.

 

If you want to stay with, I would suggest the following:

- don't play the jealousy game; you can only win if you don't play

- never agree to tests of love; his trust issue lies with his mind not with your actions