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Am I the "bad" guy for doing this?


lovegame

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I'm dating this bf of mine for the last 6 months and I've bought him a few things here and there. But, everytime when I buy him something and insist that he display the items in his room, he tells me his room is too crowded and that it doesn't have anymore space left. And, just a month ago, I gave him a picture frame of us and told him to put it up in his room. But, he never did so one day I was over at his place and saw the picture laying on the counter pathetically. I asked him why didn't he hang it up but he used the same exact excuse on me again. So, I finally said forget it and put it up myself cause if I don't, it'll probably never gonna get displayed. (FYI, this may sound a little supicious of him not wanting to display our picture but trust me, he is not cheating.)

 

just today, i was over at his house and noticed my valentine teddy that i gave to him this year and my dog animal was lying poorly on the dirty floor. i was upset but i didn't say anything. just then, i noticed this tiny valentine teddy sitting on one of his shelves and asked him who gave it to him. he told me his ex gf. i felt uneasy, but i didn't want to make a big deal out of so i came home. when i got home, i thought about it.. he always tells me he dont' have anymore room to display my stuff but how come he still have his ex's bear lying around in the open? if my bears and frame take up too much space then what right does his ex's bear has to be there? i told him all these in texts and he told me i was making things into a big deal. am i really the bad guy here????? or am i right to feel this way???

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it's a little weird he still has stuff from his ex up, but not from you..

has he shown in any other ways that he's not over her?

 

or maybe this is just a case of him being too lazy to take her stuff down and put yours up.. but if he knows its important to you it should not be such a big deal.

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no, he has not shown me anything regarding feelings about her. i know he's over her, but that's not the point i was trying to get at. my point is that why isn't he taking good care of my stuff, like finding them a spot or something? and maybe take down her bear so there is room for stuff? yes, he is very lazy and that could be one of the case too but still, he should know better. i tolerate this act of his for quite sometime now and i feel he is over doing it. if i don't say anything then my stuff will never be taken care of but when i do then it seems i'm the bad guy...

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no, he has not shown me anything regarding feelings about her. i know he's over her, but that's not the point i was trying to get at. my point is that why isn't he taking good care of my stuff, like finding them a spot or something? and maybe take down her bear so there is room for stuff? yes, he is very lazy and that could be one of the case too but still, he should know better. i tolerate this act of his for quite sometime now and i feel he is over doing it. if i don't say anything then my stuff will never be taken care of but when i do then it seems i'm the bad guy...

 

okay, I understand there are no feeling for his ex now.

 

it seems like it's a case of him wanting to feel like he's in control, you know?

it's like when you tell him to do it he feels pressured (even though you're not meaning to or coming off that way) but maybe he feels out of control and rebels from you so that he can still maintain his control over things.

because you've said you've had to tell him these things more than once so he is obviously taking the stubborn route at this point.

 

does that make sense?

it's either that or he is just very insensitive to your feelings and he should appeciate you more.

 

either way, I don't see why he can't take the bear of hers down and put yours up. it's really silly. but at this point, is there even any way for you to talk to him about it without him taking it the wrong way?

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another perspective - most men aren't into gifts like valentine's teddies or stuffed animals. i think that these are gifts that are more 'girly.' personally, i would stop getting him these gifts and give him something he might like and use - like tickets to movies or a concert or a sports game. a video game or something he needs for his computer or bike.

 

i'm guessing that he hasn't taken down the gift from his ex as an oversight.

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another perspective - most men aren't into gifts like valentine's teddies or stuffed animals. i think that these are gifts that are more 'girly.' personally, i would stop getting him these gifts and give him something he might like and use - like tickets to movies or a concert or a sports game. a video game or something he needs for his computer or bike.

 

i'm guessing that he hasn't taken down the gift from his ex as an oversight.

^^ THIS is exactly what my reply was going to be, but annie24 covered my thoughts pretty well. lol.

 

Also, he said several times that he doesn't have much space for all these things, so it would be best to stop buying these cutsie things for him. I agree with annie, rather buy him things which would interest him more (such as tickets to something) if you insist on buying him things.

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Author Gary Chapman suggests that there are five love languages:

 

 

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

While probably a simplification of things, the point is that all of us have preferences on what makes us feel appreciated. And that we tend to think that people want the same as we do. I guess that you personally like receiving gifts?

 

In any case, I don't think that you are "speaking in his language of love" right now (or he like to receive different kind of gifts). Get to know his preferences a little better, instead of keep giving him something he is not asking for.

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