Purposely Keeping Herself Away, or Something Else

[Tracer]

All right, let's see if I can condense this as much as possible. Back in late January, I was told that a girl I'd thought was cute and interesting had a crush on me too. I hang out with her (first time actually interacting/talking) and we seem to hit it off great. For the next few weeks things are going well: I slept over her place a few times and we did get intimate.

 

During this time she tells me repeatedly "I really like you" and how physically attracted she was to me. But she made it clear from the outset she didn't want a boyfriend, at least not in the foreseeable future. I told her I was fine with that, I wasn't in a rush, that we were barely dating and should just have fun.

 

But then a lot of things hit the fan. Her ex who she broke up with in December started giving her problems. She works a lot and also studies a lot to keep her grades up. She's on an independent streak and seems determined to prove she "doesn't need anyone and can take care of herself."

 

On top of all that she got sick with something that left her feeling horrible and depressed, not wanting to see anyone. The few times she would do anything she went to the bar with friends which I couldn't go to because I'm not 21 yet. (She's 22) I asked a few times during this period if she wanted to hang out or do anything and each time she was busy and apologized but never offered to reschedule.

 

Haven't seen her in a alone sense for over a month and a half. Now we don't even exchange text messages. Last time we did that we pretty much came to the conclusion "It was bad timing, oh well, better luck next time."

 

My question to everyone is...what's the reason? Did she actually like me and was it truly a case of wrong place wrong time? Did she just lose interest and that's that? Or is she somehow keeping me at arm's distance because she's got too much going on with her life? And if any of the above, should I move along or stay in touch in case things change?

 

Wow guess that wasn't condensed at all. Ah well, it's a complicated situation, but then, they all are.

[Salicia]

I think it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I would just keep in touch with her just in case things get better for her in the future.

[DanDee]

Maybe she was beginning to like you and was afraid to get more involved... or sensed that you were really wanting more than just 'fun'.

 

Therefore the easiest way to deal with this would be to distance herself.

[Tracer]

It could be any of the three you two mentioned but I think it's definitely more of wrong place wrong time.

 

She just told me that she got tested for her illness and that the doctor diagnosed active epstein barr virus and also chronic fatigue syndrome. So yeah, I'd say she wouldn't be in the mood for seeing anyone new like myself right now.

[AlwayzRight]

Maybe she was beginning to like you and was afraid to get more involved... or sensed that you were really wanting more than just 'fun'.

 

Therefore the easiest way to deal with this would be to distance herself.

 

How does one deal with this when someone actualy tells you this is the reason why they distanced themselves? Why would someone back away when there could be the possibility of something special?

[nutz76]

She broke up with you by giving you what's called a "soft landing". That's what it's called when they slow down contact eventually cutting things off completely. You're expected to "get the hint" at some point or else they'll get offended and call you creepy for trying too hard.

 

As for why, that could be anything. However, the #1 most likely reason was another guy came along who she perceived as being a "bigger better deal".

[Tracer]

How does one deal with this when someone actualy tells you this is the reason why they distanced themselves? Why would someone back away when there could be the possibility of something special?

 

He/she doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship, either emotionally or because of time or job constraints. They may feel something but nothing strong enough to pursue. Or they may just be afraid, not wanting to risk getting hurt or having to do the hurting later on by breaking up. (Which I think is the worst excuse.)

 

She probably did/is giving me the "soft landing" like you said, though I think that is a cold and apathetic way to do things. If you're not interested anymore just say so when I try to contact you, don't assume I'll understand what you're thinking.

 

As for the reason I'm pretty sure it wasn't another guy, unless she's a good actor that loves to lie. Whatever made her sick is still making her sick and running her into the ground. I saw her the other day (she works in the gym on campus) and we stopped to talk for a few minutes. She looked exhausted and was talking about how a number of things have gone badly for her lately and how "it's funny that just when you think you know what you need to make you happy, it all goes away."

 

So I think it's a soft landing due to stress and all the other crap she's been dealing with. Which definitely sucks because it means I lost out to a virus...