Is marriage worth it these days? Are men scared of loosing everything from it?

[poiuyt1]

I recently read an article about divorces and that anything can be split these days - including superannuation, belongs, assests. Things you had before you even met your soon to be ex wife/husband.

 

50 years ago people would get married, have kids and stay together. These days, they get married for 6 months and call it quits - even if the woman is pregnant!. I probably have more 'old fashioned' views on it. I dont want to get divorced. My parents are still together after 40 years.

 

On this article many men responded saying that is why they will never get married - because some angry woman would try to claim everything they have worked for.

 

It should be what yours is going in is still yours and you half what you bought together. Im all for pre-nups - it protects his and mine. If i got married to my boyfriend - i wouldn't dream of trying to take half his car (its worth about $50,000) or his prized golf clubs. Even if it didn't work out, i still wouldn't because its not mine to start with. But it appears that is lost on some women (and men). they get greedy and try to get everything.

 

I want to get married one day, but it just seems that men these days are to scared to - not of the commitment of the fact they will loose everything if it doesn't work out.

 

 

Whats your opinion? Is marriage worth it these days? Does it really even mean anything now? And for the men, does this fact scare you away from marriage?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

On the flip side, many women have been burned by divorce...as typically they earn less than the husband, they are worse off financially going it alone as a single mom. The bigger burden often goes to them. Also, there have been many men who have made unwise financial decisions thus dragging their wife down with them. Marraige scares me because I have seen plenty of people, both men and women, get royally burned.

[_Asti_]

While discussing my guys fears with him, no where did "I will be left wiht nothing if we fail..." ever come out in the discussion. Not one of the main things that would cross my mind while deciding on marriage.

[stormie]

Not sure why you imply that only men can get hurt by divorce. I married the man I loved - in fact, we had been married for 10 years before we divorced. We only divorced because he cheated and left me. The point is that when he left, he did so suddenly - without any warning. So he crippled me financially as he left me to pay for our home and all the other debt was left for me to pay as well, since it had been left under my name.

 

Today, after an exhaustive court battle that I had to defend myself in (since I wasn't able to afford my lawyer), my credit has been ruined, while he is living in luxury with the other woman. Now that I'm in my 30's, I am now living with the same financial standards I had when I was in my early 20's.

 

Oh, and both of our parents were married for over 30 years and both of our homes are old fashioned when it comes to marriage, So go figure...

 

 

Now do I think that a marriage is worth it? Many people would be surprised that in fact I do think it is worth it. I think that everyone should have the experience of getting married to the person of their dreams, and to at least attempt a chance at happyness. However, needless to say, I would NOT do it again.

[thejigsup]

I am divorced. My bf has been divorced 3 times. He is a family law attorney. One of his sons has been divorced three times, so has another one. I work for him and I have seen both men and women be left penniless or have their children taken from them. Uh uh, not for me, not ever again. Marriage is way too risky these days to even begin to risk it. Most, not all, of the couple that come to my bf were in what they thought were good, solid, relationships. Some had been married for many, many, years. They all ended badly and usually both parties are left broke. My bf tries to steer them towards mediation, he isn't after the money, but these couples will nastily litigate every little thing until they are both broke. He has dropped clients because they did this. He says it's stupid and expensive, plus, it hurts the kids. Some people, and I've seen this firsthand, just want revenge and will spend every last penny they have to get it. No thanks. No marriage ever again for me.

[stormie]

Well said and absolutely. I just got done with my divorce last December of 2009, yet my divorce started in March of 2006. So that was four years of agony and financial ruin. I'm telling you, it's very painful to not only have to go through financial pain but to see your family break up before your eyes. Up to this day, I have yet to experience a greater pain.

[Dako]

I know many women who feel the divorce cost them everything.

 

I'm divorced and can't fathom why anyone would risk a re-run. I consider monetary loss secondary to the pain of divorce.

 

"The good old days" are often a myth. Lots of miserable people were afraid of the stigma divorce carried. Imagine staying with a drunk or abuser out of social fear.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I know of a couple whose nasty custody battle resulted in financial ruin for both of them. Both parties were stubborn and wanted it their way. He will bounce back faster than her because he has a good job and she has no job.

[ran81]

I've known both men and women who have been screwed over by divorce. Alot of times, its the higher wage earner who gets the shaft. A pre-nup would help alot but I know some people get offended when their significant other brings up the subject of one.

 

Im hesitant of marriage mainly because my parents went through a nasty divorce when i was a child and many of my aunts and uncles have been divorced and it has left me with a very negative outlook on marriage. I guess I'm more worried about my spouse cheating on me or changing her ways(for the worst) once we get married, which is what has happened to most of my family and friends who have been divorced.

[newwave]

My one uncle got stung by marriage. His exwife left him in heavy debt and ran up his credit cards and took all the money out of their joint checking. Because of that he refuses to ever get married again (he lives with his girlfriend though). In his case since he doesn't want kids (he hates kids) I can see why he'd never remarry.

 

My opinion is if someone owns something before the marriage it should belong to them. I hear many stories of people (mostly guys but sometimes women) who own a house before marriage only to lose it to the spouse after a divorce. This is wrong. I understand buying a house together then the assets split but not otherwise.

 

I hope to eventually marry. I think in many cases it's worth it. Marriage has many benefits living together do not. Not to mention for kids, I feel it's a must (I strongly disapprove of out of wedlock kids).

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Many people today rack up a ton of pseudo-divorces because they run from one live-in relationship to the next...many even buy houses together and have children together but just never get married. Then they pat themselves on the shoulders congratulating themselves for the fact that they never got divorced...and yet they had the same financial ramifications and emotional angst that someone getting divorced has!

[newwave]

Many people today rack up a ton of pseudo-divorces because they run from one live-in relationship to the next...many even buy houses together and have children together but just never get married. Then they pat themselves on the shoulders congratulating themselves for the fact that they never got divorced...and yet they had the same financial ramifications and emotional angst that someone getting divorced has!

 

I can't stand guys that have kids without being married. Not that I would date fathers anyway, but I'd rather date a divorced man than a single dad. I feel this is wrong. I am a little more understand about buying a house together without being married.

[Dako]

I can't stand guys that have kids without being married..

 

What about the unmarried mother? Come on, share the hate!

[newwave]

What about the unmarried mother? Come on, share the hate!

 

Yes, but I'm not interested in dating a single mom. In fact I'm not interested in dating anyone women so it doesn't matter.

[Unknown1607307972]

I can't stand guys that have kids without being married. Not that I would date fathers anyway, but I'd rather date a divorced man than a single dad. I feel this is wrong. I am a little more understand about buying a house together without being married.

 

:S Why?

 

My parents were not married, and my dad was always a good dad even though they split when I was a baby. My stepdad of ten years is not legally my stepdad, and he and my mum have two kids. Why is it wrong to be a single dad?

[newwave]

:S Why?

 

My parents were not married, and my dad was always a good dad even though they split when I was a baby. My stepdad of ten years is not legally my stepdad, and he and my mum have two kids. Why is it wrong to be a single dad?

 

Because to me it's immoral. Plus, if he didn't love the mother of his child enough to marry her, he'd probably do the same to me.

[Taikero]

Because to me it's immoral. Plus, if he didn't love the mother of his child enough to marry her, he'd probably do the same to me.

 

Aren't you a different person than the mother of his child? I assume you would indeed be a different person in this case and therefore your logic doesn't hold water. Just because one relationship didn't work out doesn't mean yours won't. There are many reasons relationships don't work out, and given your views on morality I'm sure your relationship with a single father would be very different from his previous relationship with the woman who bore his child.

 

Having a child out of wedlock is not immoral. Perhaps the act of sex out of wedlock is immoral in Christian faiths (and others I'm sure), but the act of having the child is not immoral, especially when in this case the other option is abortion (which I believe is also immoral under most circumstances in Christian faiths). The child is not immoral either. You're confusing the result with the action.

[newwave]

Aren't you a different person than the mother of his child? I assume you would indeed be a different person in this case and therefore your logic doesn't hold water. Just because one relationship didn't work out doesn't mean yours won't. There are many reasons relationships don't work out, and given your views on morality I'm sure your relationship with a single father would be very different from his previous relationship with the woman who bore his child.

 

Having a child out of wedlock is not immoral. Perhaps the act of sex out of wedlock is immoral in Christian faiths (and others I'm sure), but the act of having the child is not immoral, especially when in this case the other option is abortion (which I believe is also immoral under most circumstances in Christian faiths). The child is not immoral either. You're confusing the result with the action.

 

To me having children out of wedlock is immoral. I don't date guys with kids, but if I was, guys who married the mothers would be a better deal. Guys who don't marry the mother don't respect marriage so no, I wouldn't give them a chance.

[DN]

To me having children out of wedlock is immoral. I don't date guys with kids, but if I was, guys who married the mothers would be a better deal. Guys who don't marry the mother don't respect marriage so no, I wouldn't give them a chance.

Suppose he wanted to marry her but she refused? What does that say about her?

[newwave]

Suppose he wanted to marry her but she refused? What does that say about her?

 

In some cases that might be it, but years ago the guys I knew (dated or not) who never married the mother because they didn't want to marry them. I don't date men with kids anyway.

[DN]

There are many reasons why people don't get married - including a high percentage of couples who live together. In some place living common-law is nearly as prevalent as getting married.

[jahur]

I recently read an article about divorces and that anything can be split these days - including superannuation, belongs, assests. Things you had before you even met your soon to be ex wife/husband.

 

 

firstly, welcome aboard ENA with such a good thread!!

 

i can tell you from my experience that i was married for 12 years now divorced for 5 years, it was a horrible horrible divorce. the assets all went to her, the house, goods and chattles that i sweated and toiled for i signed over to her, didnt want to prolong the grief, she of course by brit law had the 2 kids, all i wanted was my bang and olufsen link system and all my work tools (photographic eqpt). in all she netted about £250,000 of estate, sale of the house and goods and chattles etc

 

my mates would say i was mad leaving her so well off, i said id rather have my head straight and focused on my boys without being addled by money and paperwork!

 

in britain what i have described is known as "a clean break"

 

so i doubt if i will ever ever marry again, but if i was to get involved and move in etc and the "common law wife" subject is bought up i will soon get it in writing whats mine.

[Unknown1607307972]

Because to me it's immoral. Plus, if he didn't love the mother of his child enough to marry her, he'd probably do the same to me.

 

I find this *extremely* offensive. My parents were young, my mum was only 21 and they hadn't been together long, they were not ready for marriage. I am glad they didn't marry! They were just not meant to be, and my step parents are kind and nice people who have been great to me. Marriage should be for two people who love eachother and feel ready to take the step, not for two people who feel "oh we have to it's the right thing to do", that can very easily end up in a divorce down the line which is much more painful for the child. I did not lose out in any way from my parents not being married as both of them have always been a part of my life.

 

My parents are not people who should be ashamed, they have both been brilliant parents who always looked out for their children.

[Joshb]

not just a man thing at all, both. Men get burned just as bad.

[newwave]

They are the exception because most single parents are immoral. Most take welfare, most are sleazy and easy. There is a thing called abstinence and condoms. However, people who have kids young are completely different than the slimeballs who have kids late 20's and later without being married. I don't date guys with kids anyway.