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Girlfriend's bestfriend is jealous and needy and attracted to her :crazyeye:


Nalif

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I am 25 years old and my girlfriend is 21 years old. We have been dating for almost a year. We have had semi-frequent problems with her friends, mostly related to them not wanting me around when they go out clubbing/bowling/or to any social event. Her best friend is a girl, and she's 20 years old. First, a little history:

 

She has known this girl since first grade. They lived together for a few years during elementary school. During this time, in 2nd or 3rd grade, they had "lesbian" experiences. She said nothing happened, they basically played doctor with their clothes off on several occasions. When she told me this, I had no issues with it, and I just laughed a little. I mean, who didn't play doctor when they were younger? After some strange happenings, though, I started to think about this experience of hers more and more.

 

Flash forward to the present. When we first started dating, my girlfriend insisted that my time be separate from her time with her friends. Completely separate. This was because her girlfriend, without even having met me, insisted that it just be the two of them when they went out. Eventually, this got old for the both of us, and recently we've all been going out together. Two weeks ago, however, things started getting very weird. From the first time the three of us hung out, I had a very weird feeling about her friend. She was very clingy, very physical, and was constantly all over my girlfriend. I told myself that I was just being paranoid, and that some girls are just more physical than others, especially ones that have grown up together.

 

A few days ago, however, her girlfriend sent her a text message that said "I love you and want to be with you and always have."

 

What?! We've went out a few times since, and my girlfriend and her best friend actually kissed several times, and it was more than a peck. I've spoken to my girlfriend about this, and she's distanced herself from her friend, to an extent, but now her friend is harassing her while she's at work, sending her constant text messages, etc. My girlfriend says she's not a threat, and says that she's going to stay friends with her, and that she's going to go out with her alone to clubs, etc. She's basically telling me that things aren't really going to change, and that her friend's text message and constant affection is just her being young and out of control. Her friend is clearly jealous, though, and is constantly trying to get my girlfriend to go out with her without me.

 

Any advice?

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Her relationship with her friend is a longer, more committed relationship then yours is with your girlfriend. They are both young. They are both figuring things out. Here is what I would suggest: Ask your girlfriend's friend out to hang out just the two of you. Tell her what you have seen. Tell her you care deeply for your girlfriend and it matters to you that her best friend in the world likes you.

 

Give her friend a chance and see if she will then give you a chance.

 

This is a deep friendship and sometimes loving someone means opening your heart to the people that are important to them.

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I would stay out of this and not pit yourself against the friend. It's like picking a war against a dysfunctional family--no matter how much they piss off one another, you'll lose, so don't play.

 

If you love and trust GF, then it should occur to you that she's navigated this friend's drama her entire life without your help. Good news about that is, you don't need to like the friend, and you don't need to spend time with the friend--but if you make the girl out as your enemy? Poor strategy. You'll fight about her constantly, and you'll never pull yourself out from under it.

 

Let the girl burn GF out. If GF wanted to hook up with this one, she'd have done it a long time ago. Friend is needy and desperate, and if you're wisely stupid about that, she'll hang herself. Meanwhile, kill her with kindness when you see her, and don't say a word about her when you don't.

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Well since you all went out together, now you know why she wants things separate.

 

She wants to hook up and do whatever with her best friend but neither of them want to be labeled as lesbian partners in their parents eyes and society's eyes, so you are a scape-goat to make it look all right.

 

I'd say this isn't going to work out and you should just leave them to their lesbian ways and tell their parents.

 

Hell.....even bring along a camera and plant the crap on your profile or something.

 

I am very certain they do not want this made completely public to the people you both know.

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Well since you all went out together, now you know why she wants things separate.

 

She wants to hook up and do whatever with her best friend but neither of them want to be labeled as lesbian partners in their parents eyes and society's eyes, so you are a scape-goat to make it look all right.

 

I'd say this isn't going to work out and you should just leave them to their lesbian ways and tell their parents.

 

Hell.....even bring along a camera and plant the crap on your profile or something.

 

I am very certain they do not want this made completely public to the people you both know.

 

Wow, I'm sorry. That is really awful. A) you have no idea what the relationship is. B) if it was what you are assuming it is the kind of outing you are talking about is almost criminal.

 

You don't out other people. You SUPER don't out other people when you are guessing about there sexuality. OP didn't say anything about thinking his girlfriend was gay or interested sexually in her friend.

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First, things are getting a little complicated. Let me give made-up names for the sake of clarity: my girlfriend shall be Kelly. Her best friend will be Sally.

 

I'm very certain Kelly wants nothing more than a friendly relationship with Sally. While she loves Sally, she's not "in love" with Sally. Kelly's mom already knows about Sally and her confession - Kelly's mom suggested that she limit her time with Sally to during the day, and that if any social events were involved, that I should be included. So this isn't something she's trying to hide from her parents.

 

It's more like this: Sally is going through a really "crazy" time in her life where she likes to go out and get drunk, take pills, and get high at least three times a week. She sleeps around, parties, and is generally annoying. While she is doing this, she's very interested in having Kelly around with her. She is not, however, always interested in having me around. Kelly has a really hard time telling Sally "No" to going out, because Sally throws a fit. Sally has even visited Kelly while at work and * * * * * ed her out for "ignoring" her or not going out the previous night.

 

Kelly gets very wishy washy. At times, she's on my side - she has admitted that she knows that going out to social events without me is wrong, but says she feels that when we go out, I'm not her partner, that I'm more her moderator. Add to this that I'm not always in the best of moods due to being around Sally, and it's easy to understand that I'm probably not the funnest guy to be around.

 

That's the gist of it.

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