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Constantly harrassing me for oral sex, selfish?


confused25

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My bf and I have had some problems in the bedroom lately.

 

When we first started dating, sex was great . . . we were both taking a lot of time during foreplay to pleasure each other. Now we rarely have sex and when we do there's hardly any foreplay involved. We usually just get right down to business.

 

I've been kind of annoyed by him lately because he is constantly asking me to give him a BJ and usually he expects me to do it until he finishes in my mouth (sorry to be so graphic here). Now I'm not really into oral sex myself so it's really not a big deal whether or not he goes down on me or not, I'd much prefer orgasm through intercourse instead. It's like we are constantly arguing what to do . . . he would want to give him a BJ until he comes but then that would mean that I wouldn't get anything in return! I suggested that we switch off and he wants to receive BJ until he comes. Isn't that kind of selfish? It has gotten to the point where I am just not into sex anymore because now it just feels like a chore. Any of you having the same type of problems with your significant other?

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So he just wants a blowjob but doesn't want to have intercourse with you?

 

If he'd rather have a blowjob than sex...that's pretty selfish.

 

I'd talk to him because it sounds like this is more than just a oral issue. Sounds like you aren't connecting on a few different issues and that there is a bigger problem at hand.

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It doesn't sound romantic any more, I don't blame you for seeing it as a chore.

 

How is the relationship otherwise, do you two still go on dates, have romantic moments, etc? Or are they also becoming routine?

 

Have you asked him what he exactly wants when it comes to sex? He needs to understand you have your needs as well. Perhaps trying new and different things to spice up the sex life?

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That would really get on my nerves. Time to compromise, I guess... can you have sex until you get off, then finish him off with a bj? Why can't you start out giving head then move to sex? Does he have some sort of fixation with coming in your mouth?

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I agree, when the relationship becomes dull and routine, it's time to look into the relationship itself. What's lacking, what could be done to create more romantic moments, and going back to the time when you two first met and appreciated every little thing. When we start to take those things for granted, everything else start to become a pattern and lack any sort of passion and romance.

 

Don't give into such 'deals'. That's just not fair to you nor it's helping the relationship.

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The way I do it with my BF is we start with sex, I have my fun and then I finish him up in my mouth which seems to be his favorite. Of course he is older so it takes him awhile to climax so we have time to do a variety of things. Younger guys usually can't hold out that long, no offense.

 

If he won't give you your fun first, then I agree that he is being selfish.

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Been there, done that.

 

He is being selfish and honestly, I would refuse to give him that unless he gave you intercourse. It's not fair for him to get his and you not get yours...

 

Sex can't always be romantic but if the situation isn't talked about, it does become a chore. Have you talked to him about this, aside from in the heat of the moment?

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The way I do it with my BF is we start with sex, I have my fun and then I finish him up in my mouth which seems to be his favorite. Of course he is older so it takes him awhile to climax so we have time to do a variety of things. Younger guys usually can't hold out that long, no offense.

 

If he won't give you your fun first, then I agree that he is being selfish.

 

Exactly as we do. Everyone gets theirs. It's gotta be fair.

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Thank you all for the responses!

 

Yes I have talked to him about this and his way of "compromising" is that ok this time I will give him BJ and then the next time we can have regular intercourse. I know he enjoys finishing off in my mouth but I don't and I still let him anyway! Sometimes it takes him a long time to finish and then my jaw just gets really tired and then I just give up lol (ladies I'm sure you can relate!!!). He then gets frustrated at me for giving up . . . but hello!!! I just don't understand why he can't be more understanding. He NEVER used to be this way at the beginning.

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If he wasn't like this at the beginning what changed? Have you asked him?

 

My rule is if I don't feel comfortable doing it, it isn't going to happen. I don't care if my guy finishes in my mouth or not but I know a lot of women have issues with it... no way would I alllow it to happen if I wasn't 100% okay with it. Does he know you don't enjoy it?

 

Yeah the jaw thing is just a by product of it. I usually switch off when that happens with a hand job or just licking til the jaw doesn't hurt anymore. How can he be mad at you for giving up?

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what do you mean 'constantly' ?

for some women once a week would be 'constantly' too much (but for others it would be fine), others it would be once a day, etc.... what kind of 'constantly' are we looking at?

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If he wasn't like this at the beginning what changed? Have you asked him?

 

My rule is if I don't feel comfortable doing it, it isn't going to happen. I don't care if my guy finishes in my mouth or not but I know a lot of women have issues with it... no way would I alllow it to happen if I wasn't 100% okay with it. Does he know you don't enjoy it?

 

Yeah the jaw thing is just a by product of it. I usually switch off when that happens with a hand job or just licking til the jaw doesn't hurt anymore. How can he be mad at you for giving up?

 

Because it's not at all about her. It's about him. She's not a person, but rather a prop. Just like if it were a porno.

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Some men just prefer blow jobs to sex. They may like the more intense stimulation of the mouth, or perhaps they like it because it is less demanding on them physically, where they just lay back and enjoy.

 

I think from what you've said here it is pretty clear that he just prefers blow jobs to regular sex, especially if he demands them constantly, or every time you have sex. He seems to see regular sex as 'for you' and BJs as 'for him', hence the every other time. But what is missing there (that you should point out to him) is that intimacy should be *shared* enjoyment not just an either/or proposition where one or the other of you gets your way. He also needs to learn to get enjoyment by mixing up positions etc. and not depending on oral sex to get him off, which is sounds like has happened.

 

I've heard some counselors say some men resort to wanting oral sex all the time for no oher reason then they are getting lazy! It is a lot of more physical effort to have regular sex for him. Has he gained weight at all? That can sometimes contribute to this.

 

But honestly, you are not his pacifier, and he needs to quit hounding you do something that you think is replacing the intimicacy in your sex life and ruining it for you. You need to have this serious talk with him, and tell him just that, that you feel his constant requests are draining the fun out of your life, and that you need more variety rather than just blow jobs all the time. Get a book of different sexual positions.

 

Negotiate with him how often you are willing to do give him a BJ... once a week? twice a month? then he needs to quit asking the rest of the time... then make your other sexual encounters different and interesting.

 

He also needs to know that plenty of women won't even let a guy come in their mouth because they find it too unpleasant, and he shouldn't be forcing you into that if you don't want to do that every other time. Good sex is about sharing and variety, not using the other person like a hooker or sex toy.

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Because it's not at all about her. It's about him. She's not a person, but rather a prop. Just like if it were a porno.

 

Well I can see where it's not all about her but if I have been going at for a while and my jaw hurts and he isn't showing any signs of climaxing soon, as much as I love to do it yeah, I'm gunna stop. A cramped jaw hurts like a witch and if I'm in pain, how can I enjoy doing it to you?

 

Isn't that sad though to think of it that way? That the other person is a prop? Any form of intimacy to me should be about both partners getting what they want, being equals even in the bedroom.

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Well I can see where it's not all about her but if I have been going at for a while and my jaw hurts and he isn't showing any signs of climaxing soon, as much as I love to do it yeah, I'm gunna stop. A cramped jaw hurts like a witch and if I'm in pain, how can I enjoy doing it to you?

 

Isn't that sad though to think of it that way? That the other person is a prop? Any form of intimacy to me should be about both partners getting what they want, being equals even in the bedroom.

 

The thing is, NORMAL guys should be completely fine with their girlfriend stopping if the mind is willing but the body is weak.

 

Heck, after I finish giving my boyfriend a blowjob, he asks me if I want a glass of water. If I say yes, he goes and gets me one. That's so crazy nice.

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Well I can see where it's not all about her but if I have been going at for a while and my jaw hurts and he isn't showing any signs of climaxing soon, as much as I love to do it yeah, I'm gunna stop. A cramped jaw hurts like a witch and if I'm in pain, how can I enjoy doing it to you?

 

Isn't that sad though to think of it that way? That the other person is a prop? Any form of intimacy to me should be about both partners getting what they want, being equals even in the bedroom.

 

Well, of course. I'm just saying that's how he sees her, not how she SHOULD see her.

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