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How could she treat me this way :(


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Please help me out....Am I being foolish??

 

My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and when it was time to pay the bill my bank card didnt work. I asked her to if she could pay for me and I would pay her back the next day. She told me that she didnt know if she could help me but in the end did. She said that I could pay her back the next day.

 

I was able to withdraw money from my bank account that night. She texted me that night and asked for the money back. I asked if i could come in the morning to give her the money like she said i could since i was with my son and was studying for an exam. Also she wasnt home at the time anyways. She said ok.

 

The next morning she texted me to come asap to give her the money and I told her that I would be there around 11. She said that she needs it that she has no money. The thing is she paid by her fiances credit card and she has also stolen over 10,000 from him. So money she did have. All that has nothing to do with lending me money but I didnt think waiting the next day was such a big deal and lying that she had no money.

 

I never once thought that she should pay for me or didnt know that my bank card wouldnt work. What hurts through this ordeal is that we have been friends for three years and I have been helping her with her wedding and children. I dont know why she would think that i would run out of town for 50 dollars. This never happened before. It kinda hurts. I feel like I did something wrong.

 

Am I wrong for feeling hurt? Is it normal for her to act this way?

 

Sorry I should mention that I am supposingly her best girl friend and she is getting married in 4 months.

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I'd probably be a little weirded out by someone hounding me for $50 like that too. Of course I would pay the person back, but lying about having no money? Ehhh.

 

Maybe she has trust issues with money or something? And, I hate to ask but, do you really want to date a girl who has stolen 10k from someone else before?

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You have every right to be feeling this way. You would think that after a friendship of 3 years and you helping her out she would have trust in you. And its not very considerate of her to hound you for the money straight away the next day. I could see her doing that if you had a let a week go by without paying her back, but hounding you the next day when you were going to pay her back that day anyways isn't very nice.

 

I don't know if its worth talking to her about but you could certainly let her know how you feel, like feeling like she didn't trust you and feeling belittled by her hounding you for the money. I don't know.

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A friend insinuating that you won't pay them back when you've never given them reason to feel that way is highly insulting. Personally, I wouldn't want them to be my friend any longer I don't think.

 

I had a girlfriend who once bought me a pretty large gift. She felt bad that I had mine stolen, and wanted to do something special for me. In the end, this "gift" ended up costing a little more then what she had intended, and I said that I'd pay the difference once we got the final bill. Well, the moment the "gift" arrived, she yelled at me and laid into me... "When are you going to pay me back!??!?!" Some "gift". We had just gotten the final invoice that day.

 

Honestly, I had never been so insulted. I wanted to give the whole thing back. I'm the person who lends money and doesn't ever ask for it in return. I'm so generous that my ex before her would sometimes get mad at me for giving too much away. It just made me realize that not only did she not really know me, but that she was ready to believe the worst in me, even if completely unfounded.

 

Honestly, that was a shattering turn of events. I know what you're going through. It's abysmal behavior. People who lack empathy should have to take classes and get licensed in empathy. But even then, would it make a difference?

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Were you paying for the entire bill? For her aswell? or did you split the bill?

No I was just paying for my bill. I was there with my two children and she was with her son.

 

She almost didnt help me by giving excuses. Was she going to leave me and my kids there without helping me? I would never of done that to her or anyone else.

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Some people are just psychotic when it comes to money. They have absolutely no problem letting others pay for them, but completely refuse to open their wallet for anyone else. And on the extremely rare occasions that they do, they act like they're giving up a kidney, and usually demand to be paid back. Its just selfishness. I can remember a few years ago when me and two former friends went out to the bar one night and on the way home stopped at mcdonalds on the way home because THEY wanted food, I was totally hammered and passed out in the backseat on the way home, the two of them ordered $20 worth of food only to discover neither of them had money to pay for it. They then proceeded to take my wallet out of my pocket and use my debit card to pay for their food. This would not have bothered me had they done the right thing later, but what happened next greatly changed my view of the situation. A few days later when I saw them I asked them for the money and they flat out refused to give it to me, even going so far as to lie to me saying that it was my idea to go to mcdonalds and that I "volunteered" to pay, obviously this was BS since I was passed out and even if I wasn't I would never have agreed to that. I currently don't speak to either one of them, and haven't in quite some time. There are people who just want to take take take, and never give. You should just avoid going out with her, there is no reason you should be picking up the check for her anyway.

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Yes...its awful how people could be.

 

I was only paying for me and my kids anyways. I couldnt believe that she was coming up with excuses to help me. I've been helping her with her wedding and children. Its just very hurtful.

 

Especially since shes stealing from her fiance and he doesnt know. She is not broke thats for sure and waiting less then 24 hours wouldnt of hurt anyone.

 

If i knew my card wouldnt work then i would of tried to go to a bank before and if that didnt work i would of ate at home.

 

What type of friend would treat someone like that???

 

Get this....she is texting me to hang out with her and her kids tomorrow....hahaha. No thanks!!

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Sounds like she isnt a good friend to have. Isn't that a big part of friendship? Helping the other person out when they need you, being their for them, having their back, getting them through a difficult time and situation? That is what friends do, nothing is peachy all the time. I would think long and hard about whether or not you really want someone like this in your life. If she isn't willing to spot you some money for less than a day, then my guess is she also won't be there for you in other difficult situations.

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I can appreciate that your feelings are hurt, and mine would be too.

 

I wouldn't isolate this incident, but I would use to as a cue to re-examine the friendship. If overall she's been a good friend, generous with her time and ear, open to listening to you rather than running you over with her own conversations, someone who's ponied up in other ways when she's in control of her own ability to volunteer, then I'd chalk this up to an unattractive but impersonal wig-out about parting with money unexpectedly--you've found her biggest vulnerability, and it's not even about you.

 

If, on the other hand, this friend has always been a bit self-centered, sometimes leaving you to wonder what you actually get from this friendship, then this is just your wake up call. Your bank card conspired to show you something you should have seen long ago. In that case, you might distance the friend and reclassify her as an acquaintance, or you could write her off altogether.

 

The one thing I would NOT do is turn this into future drama in any way, shape or form. Your eyes are open to a weakness in her that you either can live with, or you can't. No matter how you slice this, the woman has got a deep problem that popped out sideways under pressure, and it's beyond you--so a confrontation would not resolve anything, and as much as this stung, I wouldn't serve you to make it about you. At all.

 

In your corner.

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[...] If i knew my card wouldnt work then i would of tried to go to a bank before and if that didnt work i would of ate at home.[...]

 

This has been happening to lots of people, left and right, with new banking 'rules'. I've had excellent credit for years, but I recently took one card for it's incentive points, and the limit is so low it's useless. They shut it down constantly for no reason when I was new, but even now they post my payments but don't reopen the range of credit until I call.

 

I now carry a second card and have flirted with the idea of ditching this one as too much trouble. In your case, you get to decide if it was trouble--or a message.

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She's not dating me....We are friends...Like two girl friends.

 

I wont bother asking

 

You referred to her as your girlfriend and you guys were going out to dinner. I just assumed. My mistake!

I also wasn't looking at what section this thread was in.

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Thats ok !!

 

Its really sad how you can go through life and not realize who your true friends are.

 

I guess she is not a true friend even knowing that she is stealing from her fiance who pays everything for her and her kids (they are not his own). She sits home all day and does nothing.

 

Like I said .... It truly hurts her thinking that I would steal from her. It was the last thing on my mind. I was thankful that she helped me out.

 

I dont want to be 10 years old but I find it hard to speak to her now....she is a person that thinks that she is always right so if I try to explain myself she will twist it up to show that I am the foolish one. If that happens I'm bound to say that she is rude and hurtful.

 

What would be your advice in explained how hurt you are?

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She's dating you and is getting married to someone else in 4 months?

I would suggest getting out out of that!

She seems rather poisonous

 

Perhaps ask her why she was so picky about that money?

 

 

LOL, I know that's what I was going to say:

 

She's dating you, getting married in 4 months to someone else AND stole 10K? hahahahaha

 

She probably has that song in her head, "loove don't cost a thing..."

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