Mother can't cope w/ death.

[Russ]

Hey guys,

 

I have a personal friend who's mother has an issue and we really need her to get over it so we can start working more again.

 

Basically, my friend's father died in a hiking accident about 2-3 months ago. Everyone took it hard, but the wife, my friends mother, took it bad, and it just became worse.

 

She's obsessed with the idea that he was murdered by someone, and she's scaring herself. Really breaking down.

 

Has a strong attitude though, and will not take medication, refuse to see therapists, etc, etc. A "I can handle this myself" kind of woman.

 

What to do? How to help her start moving on?

[Seraphim]

I think people have to see that 2 or 3 months is really NOTHING in the scope of gieving.This was her lifemate. Really she is still in shock. Give it time, do not push harder than she wants. If she is still like this in a year it might be more of an issue.

[Capricorn3]

Expecting her to "get over it" only 2-3 months after the incident is unbelievably insensitive. No-one can get over a death of a partner in 2-3 months. It can easily take her a couple of years and she needs to grieve for as long as it takes.

 

The best thing to do is to be there for her in any way she needs. Gentle encouragement to seek counselling may be required every once in a while, but not to be pushed in a harsh way. Give the poor woman a chance.

[shikashika]

I agree with the others.

 

I thought you were going to say 10 years or something! 2-3 months is nothing... Most people on ENA are still devastated after a breakup!

[mgirl]

Agree with 3-4 months not being that long. If she believes he was murdered, let her believe it. She might need to go through that process, but don't buy into it.

 

Also, try to bring her back to normality. Start distracting her with normal routines such as shopping etc. Try not to buy into the neurosis too much.

[KG]

Having lost my wife, I can tell you that is a very short time frame. I honestly can't recall the 6 months after, it a haze. Just be there to support her, perhaps go to group counseling with her. Time will get her back on track.

[jherring]

Hey guys,

 

I have a personal friend who's mother has an issue and we really need her to get over it so we can start working more again.

 

Basically, my friend's father died in a hiking accident about 2-3 months ago. Everyone took it hard, but the wife, my friends mother, took it bad, and it just became worse.

 

She's obsessed with the idea that he was murdered by someone, and she's scaring herself. Really breaking down.

 

Has a strong attitude though, and will not take medication, refuse to see therapists, etc, etc. A "I can handle this myself" kind of woman.

 

What to do? How to help her start moving on?

 

It may take her a long time. After losing my daughter last year, it took me about 6 months to be able to walk past her room door and not cry. It took 2 months after that to go in there and start putting away things. Do not rush her grieving, let her handle it her own way. Just be there for her, to listen when she wants to talk. Counseling and having a strong family support system is what kept me going during that time.

[hosswhispra]

Hey guys,

 

I have a personal friend who's mother has an issue and we really need her to get over it so we can start working more again.

 

Basically, my friend's father died in a hiking accident about 2-3 months ago. Everyone took it hard, but the wife, my friends mother, took it bad, and it just became worse.

 

She's obsessed with the idea that he was murdered by someone, and she's scaring herself. Really breaking down.

 

Has a strong attitude though, and will not take medication, refuse to see therapists, etc, etc. A "I can handle this myself" kind of woman.

 

What to do? How to help her start moving on?

 

Well, 2-3 months is not that long ago. My father died 5.5 years ago and my mom just died 4 weeks ago. I can tell you that my mother never stopped missing my father and wanted to die after he died. She felt that way up until she died.

 

You never get over it. At best, you learn how to cope with the loss. Some don't and some want to die.

 

According to a science based pychology study, spouses (especially older- as my parents were) usually die within 7 years of each other. My father's first wife died when he was 43 and he did not die. He met my mom when he was 47 and got remarried at the age of 52.