Cheated while drunk? Feel horrible and need advice.

[GillFear]

Problem solved. Thanks everyone.

[redsoles]

Um.....I dont even know what to say.

I don't condone cheaters....

 

completely unacceptable.

 

But DID YOU CHEAT OR NOT?

[sidehop]

Well if you're feeling guilty you can tell her the truth.

 

More than anything things will get out of hand next time if you guys are partying this way with heavy drinking knowing that a lot of 'groping, touching and kissing' is going on. One way or another someone will break someone's heart.

 

Maybe it's something you guys should discuss along with your confession perhaps? I'm sure if you're sincere and honest regarding the situation I'm sure she will understand. Of course if you're going to confess, the sooner the better.

[Blue Skittles]

Do you think maybe these parties are not a healthy thing for you or your girlfriend to be going to? Especially if it is going to have this kind of an effect on your relationship.

 

I'm sorry, but the acts you are describing here are very trashy and in my opinion, unacceptable. You don't play around with someone else when you are in a serious relationship.

 

I think you and your girlfriend need to sit down (when you are both sober) and discuss what is acceptable and what is not, and how you are going to solve this problem, whether it be stopping going to the parties or exhibiting a little more self control while you are at them.

[GillFear]

Problem solved. Thanks everyone.

[tastytoothpaste]

The problem here is the dynamic of your relationship. There needs to be clear cut lines drawn as to what behavior is appropriate, and what is inappropriate. If y'all had done this, I doubt you would've wandered into dark room with your girlfriend's friend and started getting hot and heavy. There are no set boundaries in your relationship. It's too easy for things to go too far if y'all are okay with each other getting wasted and all having what I can only imagine is orgy foreplay.

 

I think that the only reason you want to tell her what you did is to relieve your own conscience. That's why I don't think you should tell her at all. You know what you did. You have to live with that guilt. Do not hurt your girlfriend even further just to ease your own mind. Looking into her eyes and knowing that her friend sucked on your pecker is punishment enough for you.

 

I highly suggest that you and your girlfriend have a sit down discussion about what type of behavior is acceptable in this relationship and what crosses the line.

[In the Dark]

Tell her the truth and face the consequences.

You can not blame this on the alcohol.

 

You can blame this on your lack of self control and the idiocy of believing it's cool to drink your self into such a stupor that it is supposed to give you the excuse to grope, kiss and feel up other people.

 

If I were you I would take two options

1 the drunken **** party's behind and commit to your GF

2 your GF behind and commit to the drunken **** party's.

 

Party's like these are not fun when you have someone to be loyal to.

[tastytoothpaste]

I just wonder if it is my guilt making me want to tell, or if I should keep it to myself as we both swear off of these parties and the drinking.

 

Ding ding ding! You posted this just as I was typing my previous response haha.

[GillFear]

Problem solved. Thanks everyone.

[sophie274]

Given what else has happened at these parties, I would say, deal with your guilt, keep it to yourself, and stop going to these parties with your girlfriend. They sound like a disaster waiting to happen, and someone is bound to get hurt sooner or later, especially since you have not discussed boundaries. If you love and want to marry your girlfriend, don't jeopardize your relationship with these parties (not to mention drinking that much is not good).

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm wondering how you can remember what went on in that dark room, but you can't remember how you got there. Not to sound harsh, but could you be choosing how much you want to remember?

 

Either way, you do recognize how these drinking parties get way out of hand, so why not make the sensible choice to put a stop to them? And, yes you should tell your girlfriend what happened, before the other girl does, which I'm sure will happen eventually.

[rosephase]

So what are the rules you guys have for these parties? You say it's okay to touch other women's breasts and to kiss or make out with them. Does you girlfriend also touch men and make out with them?

 

Sexually charged drunk parties can be hard on relationships even when you have both have a clear understanding of what is and isn't okay. I love sexually charged parties, hell I go to explicit sex parties (almost no one gets drunk at a sex party it makes it more complicated) but when I go to a sex party I know the lines. I sit down with my partners before we are at the door. We talk about what we are comfortable with. Like: "It's okay if you make out with anyone but XXXX because I'm not feeling great about her. But if you want to go farther then that you need to check in with me and we can talk about it"

 

Knowing what the rules are helps make parties like that work. But to me it sounds like both you and your girlfriend don't talk about the lines. So it is easy to cross them. I think you should sit down with her and figure out if you want parties like this to be a part of your lives and if you do what kind of boundaries you need to keep your relationship healthy.

 

Other then that? I believe I try to be completely honest with my partners so I would tell your girlfriend. Mistakes happen. We have emotions about them then we grow. mistakes help us learn what we want. It seem like you know what you want you should allow your girlfriend to find out what she wants.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What does she get up to at these parties? How many people have groped her? I think you need to tell her just so that the air is cleared. While she may be disappointed I think both of you need to take responsibility for this...for knowingly going to parties like this and also drinking too much. This was a cheating accident waiting to happen and she willingly went along with this. Get it out in the open and then make a mutual decision that these parties and perhaps this group of friends are not cool.

[sidehop]

I love her so much. I feel like it is a lose-lose situation because if I tell her she will be very hurt and our trust will be ruined over a stupid drunken moment that is--while inexcusable--some really horrible result of putting ourselves into these bad situations. I know what she would say: she would say to tell her, because I can't lie to her about it and not telling her is worse. The normal human reaction, I guess.

 

If you truly love her, you two need to sit down and have a conversation like an adult.

 

Worst case scenario she may dump you unless you want to live with this guilt. Not to say that she didn't help the whole situation by allowing you to be in such parties (but don't use that excuse of course) together.

 

What you did, well it was gone a bit far but if you did stop her and snapped back into reality, I'm sure it was a good lesson.

 

If you two can work this through, the partying probably needs to stop immediately. For all we know, if things really got out of hand, not only the cheating, you could've exposed yourself to more than just a sexual encounter with random girls. STD's, pregnancy...then what?

[offplanet]

I think she should not be too surprised or angry it happened, seeing as you both put yourselves in this situation where something like this was bound to happen. To me, groping and kissing others would amount to cheating anyway, and to me, would not make the oral thing too much more of a big deal. Most here will probably disagree with me, but I think you should not take on too big a burden of guilt, as you were both responsible for being in the situation which could only lead to trouble. Hopefully your relationship will be able to survive this, and hopefully you will decide not to take part in those sleazy activities any more. Whats the point of them, if you two are happy with each other. Why would you need them?

[GillFear]

Problem solved. Thanks everyone.

[rosephase]

 

I know that seems to contradict what I've said about these parties, but really it's just been 3 parties with weird behavior, and as you all have said the lines seem to be drawn differently with this group of people. I didn't go to a party alone and have this happen.These parties are the opposite of our lives. We never really drink, we don't go to parties, and we are very faithful and monogamous. It's just that for some reason this group of people (very falmboyant and outgoing) things go differently.

 

Have your girlfriend and you ever openly talked about the fact that things like this happen at these parties? Does she make out with other people too? Do you like the parties?

[arcadefire]

These parties seem horrible for being faithful. Touching breasts and your groin doesn't sound like friendly play to me. I would stop going to these types of parties and just tell your girlfriend everything. Although the news will hurt her, it will hurt both you and her more for just lying to her.