How often do you seen and hang out with friends you consider to be close??

[penelope13]

Ren, what would you describe is the personal growth that you undertook in the last 12months?

[Perfect Dark]

I see my friends at the weekends, because we are busy in the week. But I some times see them in the week after work for a meal or something.

 

I like patterns, too.

[browneyedgirl36]

This is an interesting question. My two best friends live about 200 miles away from me in my hometown (when I'm not on an entirely different continent, as I am right now -- now I'm 6,000 miles away from ALL of my friends and family). I've known both of them for about 25 years, since we were freshmen in high school. One of them I normally talk to 2-3 times per week online, and when I go back to my hometown every few months, I always see her and we go out for dinner and drinks and close the restaurant down because we sit there for so long! The other I talk to or e-mail maybe once a month, though we have gone as many as 3-4 months without talking. I still consider her to be one of my two best friends, though, because when we do get together and talk finally, it's like no time has passed -- we just pick up where we left off the last time -- giggling and catching up and planning trips together (we've gone on something like 8 vacations together since I've known her).

 

I have a couple of close friends who I see several times a week because I work with them, but if I didn't work with them, I probably would not see or talk to them as often just because our lives are really busy and sometimes we get caught up in other stuff. A couple of other close friends I only see maybe once a month, even though they live less than 30 miles from me, mainly becuase they are married and have children AND careers, and it's hard for them to get away from a girls' night out or even lunch on a weekend sometimes. I still love them to death, and think of them all the time, and we know that we will connect eventually, and we always do, and when we do, we have a great time catching up, and again, it's like no time has passed since we last saw each other.

 

What all of these friendships have in common is that I know that, no matter what happens, we will always get in touch at some point, and when we do, our friendship will still be as strong as it was before. WHen it comes to my real friends (as opposed to acquaintances) I have no insecurities whatsoever.

 

Ren, I know that you worry a lot about your frienships ending or just fading out. Do you think that you fear being abandoned by your friends? If so, do you have any idea where that feeling comes from? Have you maybe had friendships that ended abruptly or that faded out, leaving you feeling abandoned? I ask because I am this way in my romantic relationships, particularly the one with my last ex; while I don't worry at all about friends leaving me or disappearing from my life, I have a lot of fear of romantic partners leaving, particularly since my last ex was so hot and cold with me that it had me on edge for such a long time and has even made me wary of getting into another relationship. My fears go back a long way to well before him, though-- to my childhood and being bullied and teased and told things like "No boy will ever want to date you" and stuff like that. I believed for a long time that no one would want me, and when someone does, I find myself being wary and suspicious; add to that that I have indeed been dumped a few times, and voila! You have my fear of being abandoned in romantic relationships.

 

If a friendship has a solid foundation, generally it will last, even if there is geographical distance or you are unable to see the person as often as you would like. Perhaps you aren't secure that your friendships -- namely the one you have with T -- has a solid foundation and you are concerned that not seeing him for a few weeks will cause him to forget you or to decide he doesn't really need you in his life. I'm not sure, but that's just a thought I had.

[browneyedgirl36]

Great points, Ellie. I was going to add to my post that it would be helpful to spend time with other friends, and to be open to meeting new friends, so that the friendship with T is not such a huge focus.

 

I agree, too, that friendships DO have to be nurtured to some extent. I am currently on a different continent than all of my friends, but I am sending them postcards, e-mailing, and talking to some of them online. Calling and texting are expensive, but I have even made a few calls and sent a few texts here and there. I know that when I return, they will still be there, and our friendships will still be intact.

[G-Snap]

Great points, Ellie. I was going to add to my post that it would be helpful to spend time with other friends, and to be open to meeting new friends, so that the friendship with T is not such a huge focus.

 

I agree, too, that friendships DO have to be nurtured to some extent. I am currently on a different continent than all of my friends, but I am sending them postcards, e-mailing, and talking to some of them online. Calling and texting are expensive, but I have even made a few calls and sent a few texts here and there. I know that when I return, they will still be there, and our friendships will still be intact.

 

Of course you have to make time for friends if you wish to keep them in your life. I have had friends, however, that just by a normal course of life fell off my radar so it isn't the end of the world everytime you perhaps are no longer as close to a friend. We change as people and I have found that as such my friends have changed over the years. There is always that one or two tried and true but as I changed the people in my life seemed to naturally change too (as in they grew as well or just moved away from the friendship). It sounds like Ren is terrified to see perhaps a natural progression away from a friend when it isn't always a bad thing. As is the case with T this is one time that clearly seems to be one of those times where you move on from a friend due to different life circumstances.

 

Not only does he seem disrespectful to her, he sounds like a horrible b/f. I would have a hard time being very close to someone who couldn't treat his loved one any better than that.

 

It just seems the time line for this friendship has probably long since expired Ren but you won't give it up and are fighting desperately to not only maintain it but to stay with this couple EVERY saturday. I'm sorry, if that were me, if i were T or the b/f, you'd have to go. That is no offense to you personally but there is no way I could have a third party on the only day of the week I don't work the night before or the day after and can do other things. That would be exhausting to have a friend that threw a tantrum if I couldn't keep on schedule as well.

 

Your thread title states how often do you see people you consider close - I guess people here who read the story wonder why you still feel the need to keep this particular friend close. It's toxic.

[im_the_undead]

once a month.

school keeps me hella busy now,

plus we're both in steady relationships.

we still communicate and when we hang out it's awesome converstaion

but yeah, my best friend is always busy..as am i. but i still love the kid

[renaissancewoman101]

Thing with the both of them is that they never really spend a weekend just the both of them. Usually they are with me, or they have other friends come over and such or else T is working on stuff related to work.

 

I dunno.

 

I guess I reflect all my friendships off my friendship with T because that is the longest-lasting friendship I have ever had, albeit a dysfunctional one.

 

I do talk to T every day (1-2 times a day) but I have a feeling this time it is going to be a month before I see them again (they are busy this weekend but T said I could come over Sunday, but sometimes that doesn't work out either).

 

I guess having him as a "phone" friend is not bad either.

 

I need to cultivate more friendships down here. I do meet people and they are willing to be my friend. I just have to cultivate it more and not be so people-avoidant.

[Bergamot]

Does T ever come over to your place?

[renaissancewoman101]

Does T ever come over to your place?

 

Rarely. They don't like to make the drive down here much (they live 2 hours north of me).

 

They will come down for concerts and stuff. Not easy for them to sleep over at my place since I have a small studio apartment.

[Bergamot]

Rarely. They don't like to make the drive down here much (they live 2 hours north of me).

 

You got to let go off T and find other friends Ren. That's all I can say. You are not being treated with respect.