am I being a bad girlfriend?

[gaga920]

I live with my boyfriend. I like to have time to myself, so I don't mind him going out with his friends (which means out to the bar or drinking at each others houses)

 

the problem is, my boyfriend basically expects me to get out of bed at whatever time he decides he wants to come home, and go pick him up

 

and the thing is, he will be out til 2 in the morning. Who in their right mind wants to GET out of bed after sleeping a few hours, and go outside and drive accross town to pick up a drunk person who is going to just be annoying the whole car ride?

 

I did it ALOT over the summer for him but I got sick of it and I told him I was done.

 

we are lucky enough to live in a college town. there are TONSSSS of taxi services in this town, yes it is expensive. But it is also expensive and inconvenient for me to get up and go drive to get him.

 

I should also add, he usually has a friend or two that he makes me take home too. I have on choice when I go to pick him up and they are all waiting.

 

my question is am I being a bad girlfriend? does he have a right to get mad at me for not giving him a ride?

 

I certainly do NOT want him to drive drunk. I don't like him sleeping over at his friends houses, but if he has to then he has to.

 

It's just that... tonite.... he has already asked me twice to give him a ride. I told him no nicely twice, and when I texted him if he was mad he said "I'm good. we are gonna cab it'

 

now, I just talked to him. and he asked me AGAIN to pick him up and then he kinda got annoyed with me when I said no.

 

I feel bad, but this doesn't seem fair....

 

I hope I am not being a really bad girlfriend and just am too blind to see it if that is the case please set me right.

 

thank you so much for your time!

[Sanesoul]

If this is a regular occurrence, I would be annoyed as hell. He should set up his ride home before he starts drinking. That's the responsible thing to do.

 

If my husband woke me up to come get his drunk arse, I'd tell him to start walking...

[gaga920]

it happens every weekend. it used to be more frequently, that is why I stopped giving him rides.

 

It is the most aggravating, annoying, and pain in the @$$ thing having to get out of my warm, comfortable bed to go out in the cold and drive 15 minutes accross town. then when he gets in my car, playing my music super loud, talking loudly, and just acting a fool.

 

I'm just annoyed right now. sorry to complain so much.

[sidehop]

Someone needs to grow up (your b/f that is). I can understand once in a blue moon he just cannot drive and couldn't find a ride home from his friends or get a cab. He's the one out having fun with his friends, I'm sure they are old enough to find their way home.

[Sanesoul]

Don't apologize. You have a valid concern. I think you need to have a talk with him and explain how this makes you feel (not when he's drunk).

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He was clearly taking advantage of you. He should actually be concerned for your welfare and not expect you to run out in the middle of the night after you had been sleeping to be his taxi service simply because he wants to go out and get drunk. He wants his fun and wants you to be his mother. Good for you for standing up to him. He needs to be responsible for himself if he chooses to get drunk all the time.

[gaga920]

ok, glad to hear I am not crazy.

 

I get up at 4am every morning to go to work. my weekends I like to fit in all the sleep I can. I am one who HATES being woke up, and I get real mean. that is not a good mix with a drunk boyfriend.

 

at least he is nice enough to not expect it when I have to work

[sidehop]

Sounds inconsiderate and selfish on his part. Like crazyaboutdogs said by putting your foot down, he realizes he cannot use you as his personal transport service. I would turn off the phone and go to sleep.

[abitbroken]

tell him that you are working early tomorrow and ask for him to arrange for one of his friends to drive him home - that you can't tonight. Just say "I have to get up for work at 4, Ben or JoeBob will need to bring you home" end of story. Also - if you are in a college town, is there a bar closer where he could walk home? if he was too drunk to drive on a rare occasion, I would say do it but not every weekend. Good for you for standing up. Just remind him that you have to wake up for work at 4 am.

[iBroken]

You are not crazy.

While doing this every once in a while is a nice gesture, I certainly wouldnt do that for my partner every weekend, or every time they went to the bar.......I would not ask this of my partner either. If I go out on my own (which is more often then not), I make my own arrangements to get home.

 

He needs to start incorporating "cab fare" into his bar budget LOL.

[MandyJade]

firstly you are not crazy.

secondly, why is he drinking so often?

it seems excessive

[Blue Skittles]

I like what one person said about turning the phone off when you go to bed.

 

I would talk to him about it before hand - when he's sober, let him know its becoming a pain in the butt, you don't want to be woken up anymore, and from now on you will be turning off the phone when you go to bed so he'll have to arrange his ride before he goes out.

[Ms Darcy]

If he frequently needs someone to pick him up because he's drunk, it sounds like he has a drinking problem.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's called a "designated driver". Your boyfriend is being inconsiderate of you.

[mumto2]

I'm afraid this boyfriend is seriously 'taking the piss' out of your good nature and willingness to do anything for him. Put your foot down and tell him if he wants to go out he can make his own way home! Don't take any more of his cr@p. xxxx

[minou]

He can go to a bar closer to home, have one less drink and share a frikkin' cab with his friends. No way I would do this.

[HouseKitten]

First off, have a conversation about this with him not over the phone and not when he's drunk. Sit him down when you're both awake and calm, and have a serious conversation about it.

 

You could always offer a compromise to give him an option - if there's a time in the evening that you usually go to bed, say at 11pm, you could say 'I don't think it's fair to ask me to get out of bed at 2am when I have to get up for work at 4am. I normally go to bed at 11pm so how about we say I will be happy to pick you up any time up until 11pm, after that you need to make your own arrangements.'

 

If he's going to stay out that late, he needs to be prepared for you to not be available. I like the idea of turning your phone off - you could even add that in to the above statement, so that he knows if he hasn't contacted you by 11pm then your phone will go off and you will be go to sleep.