Guys/Girls night out??

[Boughs]

How do you handle your significant other going out on a "guys night on the town" or a "girls night out"?

 

I personally don't do a "guys night on the town" because I used to do that when I was single (if I remember correctly all of us were). Just seemed like we were up to no good with bad intentions.

 

But I'm also more of a one on one conversationalist. I don't particularly like going out in groups of people anymore.

 

Thoughts?

[annie24]

i have 'girls nights out' frequently, and there are no bad intentions there! half the time, we're talking about stuff like recipes, leg hair removal, plans for the next vacation, or our jobs. we're not like taking our bras off and flinging them at men accross the bar or restaurant!

[DrKitten]

I fully encourage my SO to spend time with his friends. I trust him going out to bars without me, though that's not always what he does. Sometimes he'll watch sports or play poker at someones house, which is the same thing in my opinion. Likewise, I enjoy doing things with my girls whether it's shopping or a game of pool with some drinks. I would not be compatible with someone who wasn't okay with me going out with the ladies once in a while.

[Wager]

I am a big supporter of guys'/girls' nights out. People need their personal space, their own pursuits and friends even in the most committed, all-encompassing relationships.

 

How the individual chooses to act during such an outing is another matter, however. If your SO engages in activities that are worrisome to you for whatever reason, you have every right - and even an obligation - to voice your concerns and communicate your expectations and to hear their ideas and reactions, in turn. I think a compromise can almost always be worked out - and if it cannot, then that is a far bigger hurdle - if not red flag - in the relationship to tackle, on its own.

 

But I would caution against letting fears or speculations get the better of you in the face of this concept, alone. Show your partner some faith, respect, and trust, and support them in their private, personal endeavors, such as going out with friends and bonding and blowing off some steam. Take the opportunity to indulge yourself in such an undertaking, as well, however your tastes lean!

 

Take care.

[Massari]

How do you handle your significant other going out on a "guys night on the town" or a "girls night out"?

 

I personally don't do a "guys night on the town" because I used to do that when I was single (if I remember correctly all of us were). Just seemed like we were up to no good with bad intentions.

 

But I'm also more of a one on one conversationalist. I don't particularly like going out in groups of people anymore.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

YES LOT's of thoughts on that one LOL. This is subject that I am not too sure about it either, I don't do it when I am involved with someone but I was told on multiple occasions by people and friends who are in happy - stable- trusted relationships that this is needed in order to have your own space and give space to your S/O.

 

But then again i find myself missing that person when i am out in a group with my mate and i end up texting the whole night! Something that i need to definitely work on and not be like that i guess. But I am very much interested what other people would say about this.

[metrogirl]

I have my girls night out about once a month. Our girls night out consists of dinner and then a shopping trip to Target with our coupons or we will do dinner and a movie. LOL Very tame right? HAHAH

 

My bf used to have his boys night out but now he's not drinking so he's staying home more while the guys go out.

[Boughs]

Yeah I remain tight lipped.

 

I just don't ever have that urge. I always have a monotonous time at bars with my buddies. We always have a great time sitting on a bench at a park chatting.

 

I suppose a "night out" implies going to a bar. I just don't understand why I'd ever go to a bar while in a relationship. But I tend to have a bad judgement on these sorts of things.

[annie24]

well, where i live, bars are a source of entertainment. lots have music, bands, etc.... it's just where you get together with friends (especially since coffee shops aren't open late at night!) have a few drinks, chat, eat some nachos, it doesn't mean that you are in a bar to get laid or do anything else rather than talk to your friends!!!

[Boughs]

well, where i live, bars are a source of entertainment. lots have music, bands, etc.... it's just where you get together with friends (especially since coffee shops aren't open late at night!) have a few drinks, chat, eat some nachos, it doesn't mean that you are in a bar to get laid or do anything else rather than talk to your friends!!!

 

Yeah, well my gf gets thrashed quickly. I'm always afraid of her safety I guess.

 

As a guy, you know guy's tricks. I think my gf takes a bit of joy in having guys come up to her and tell her she is attractive. I almost feel like its a sport but then thats the jealousy coming in at the same time. I'm sure its a duality.

 

Its just an insecurity I've talked to her about, and its something we have discussed and she doesn't see it the same way. I suppose its just one of those things where seeing eye to eye won't happen and you just have to decide if thats what you want or don't want.

[BriarRose]

How do you handle your significant other going out on a "guys night on the town" or a "girls night out"?

 

I personally don't do a "guys night on the town" because I used to do that when I was single (if I remember correctly all of us were). Just seemed like we were up to no good with bad intentions.

 

But I'm also more of a one on one conversationalist. I don't particularly like going out in groups of people anymore.

 

Thoughts?

 

Depends on what constitutes these "nights out". If someone with an SO is out clubbing (without the SO), not a good sign. If it's just dinner or shopping or whatever, that's different.

 

In my clubbing days, I never went when I had an SO. I went to clubs to party, dance and meet people. MEET people.

[JusticeLaw9]

How do you handle your significant other going out on a "guys night on the town" or a "girls night out"?

 

I personally don't do a "guys night on the town" because I used to do that when I was single (if I remember correctly all of us were). Just seemed like we were up to no good with bad intentions.

 

But I'm also more of a one on one conversationalist. I don't particularly like going out in groups of people anymore.

 

Thoughts?

 

I'm single and I don't do a lot of nights on the town. I love women, but I'm not into them for the sport of chasing tail. I had a short career during that, now I'm on the hunt for the real thing.

[Wager]

I think there is a distinction to be acknowledged here: There is an enormous difference between an SO going out with friends or alone to do something for themselves versus an SO slipping out to do something untoward, disrespectful, or harmful to the relationship.

 

The event itself is very healthy and positive, in my opinion - the SO abusing the opportunity is an entirely different matter, and should be dealt with as such. It is not reasonable to penalize an SO and keep them from enjoying their own personal liberties by indulging their own tastes, with their own friends, in their own space, simply because they might do something "wrong".

 

A trustworthy partner should be allowed and supported in stretching their wings as far as they possibly can, even if this means they leave you behind, for a time.

 

An untrustworthy partner is a horse of a different color, and those issues run far deeper than what they do on any particular day/evening.

 

The actual going out does not make the SO one thing or another, good or bad. It is the SO that makes the event a good or bad thing, and that is the issue to be examined and manged, I think.

[nutbrownhare]

I agree with Wager on this. Also, if my SO has an interest which I really don't share - I have zero interest in sport, for example - I'd much rather they indulged it in the company of people who do, rather than drag me along and make me suffer it.

 

Similarly, I don't want to worry about whether my SO is having the pants bored off him by some of my interests.

 

The worst case scenario is when you have a partner who doesn't trust you to be out without them, insists on coming along and then sulks the entire evening.

[Boughs]

1. How do you determine if it is them "going out" or "slipping out"?

 

2. I was invited to go out, I just decided not to make the 45min drive.

 

Part of my insecurity is infidelity. Is she that kind of person? Not at all... but I know when she drinks she likes to let loose. And she's used the "I was drunk I made a bad decision" excuse before. She hadn't cheated but made a poor decision.

 

Another part of it is her safety. I get worried she is getting drunk then getting molested or getting lost from her group of friends.

 

I get so worn out thinking about it.

[jenny_mcs]

I honestly can't imagine being in a relationship where me going out with my friends was any kind of issue or caused my partner stress. It seems incredibly stifling.

[_Asti_]

There's nothing to 'handle' in my opinion.

He goes out, I go out. Might be same nights, might be different.

Neither of us have issues with the other going out with their friends. We spend alot of time together, but also acknowledge there is a need to have something a little extra going on, another social circle, a different scene, etc. We just view it as healthy, and at times it may certainly be needed.

But we've never had trust issues in our relationship, so for us..going out for a girls or guys night doesn't bring up any negative thoughts.

[Sunshine07]

I like to go out with my girlfriends... usually its just dinner and possibly a couple drinks at a bar afterward. Occasionally I do a happy hour with them. I don't care if my boyfriend goes out with his guy friends (as long as its not a strip club)... I encourage it. He doesn't like to go out drinking as much as he used to, but when he goes to bars with his friends its fine with me.

 

We trust each other. We know we may get hit on by people when we go out, but we trust that we won't act on it.

 

I just need girl time once in a while. We chat about everything, especially our guys and our relationships... not as much fun to do when he's around lol.

[DrKitten]

1. How do you determine if it is them "going out" or "slipping out"?

1. They tell you where/when they're going, and who with. If she seems secretive or tries to dodge any questions about it, something is up.

 

2. I was invited to go out, I just decided not to make the 45min drive.

2. Inviting you out gives her a lot more credibility. If she was up to no good, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want you around to see.

 

 

Part of my insecurity is infidelity. Is she that kind of person? Not at all... but I know when she drinks she likes to let loose. And she's used the "I was drunk I made a bad decision" excuse before. She hadn't cheated but made a poor decision.

 

Another part of it is her safety. I get worried she is getting drunk then getting molested or getting lost from her group of friends.

Is this thread what you're referring to?

That certainly raises some red flags. After reading it, I'm also with the consensus that she wasn't entirely truthful to you and would be wary of her going out to bars again. Definitely go with her when you're invited. I would also sit down and talk to her about her drinking habits. Tell her that her lack of judgment concerns you, and you want to trust her but she needs to show that she can handle herself when she drinks.

[catfeeder]

I agree with Wager on this. Also, if my SO has an interest which I really don't share - I have zero interest in sport, for example - I'd much rather they indulged it in the company of people who do, rather than drag me along and make me suffer it.

 

Similarly, I don't want to worry about whether my SO is having the pants bored off him by some of my interests.

 

The worst case scenario is when you have a partner who doesn't trust you to be out without them, insists on coming along and then sulks the entire evening.

 

^^THIS. A healthy social life prior to SO shouldn't be wiped out by SO. Mixing with other couples is SO territory, while long histories with some of my friends don't require an overlap with SO. Same is true of him. IMO, 'handling' nights out is a hands off deal, as we've each been perfectly capable of managing ourselves in mixed company our entire adult lives. The only conflict I've ever had about this was with a sulker--once.

[Boughs]

1. They tell you where/when they're going, and who with. If she seems secretive or tries to dodge any questions about it, something is up.

 

 

2. Inviting you out gives her a lot more credibility. If she was up to no good, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want you around to see.

 

 

 

Is this thread what you're referring to?

That certainly raises some red flags. After reading it, I'm also with the consensus that she wasn't entirely truthful to you and would be wary of her going out to bars again. Definitely go with her when you're invited. I would also sit down and talk to her about her drinking habits. Tell her that her lack of judgment concerns you, and you want to trust her but she needs to show that she can handle herself when she drinks.

 

Yeah I'm referring to that post. I said I wouldn't let it happen again, but here I am. I just don't know.

 

We've been together now over 2 years. Sad we have this petty issue at hand. I am just a confused individual I guess.

[annie24]

^^^ oh yikes! i read only your first post. THAT is shady. Say that i was out with my girlfriends. If I'm a good, faithful girlfriend, and i see that a guy has taken a liking to me, i'll start talking about my boyfriend this and my boyfriend that. you know, because i'm 1 - faithful, and 2 - don't want to lead the other guy on. i'm also not an attention hog and don't need attention from other men to feed my ego, which is what some girls like to do. even though they have boyfriends, they like knowing other men want them. and i hate those sick games. blah!!!

 

i certainly wouldn't invite them back to my place!!! it's one thing if they like my girlfriends and i'm just there to support them. but not to do anything shady.

 

for example, a friend and i went out for coffee. we met some really cute guys in the coffee shop. one took a liking to my friend. they really hit it off. the other guy was married, and me and him talked a lot but nothing flirty, he mainly told me stories about his wife and such. you can tell that this guy was talking to me not to flirt with me, but because his friend was flirting with my friend. which is fine, that's how a good guy should act!!!