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new relationship...new baby...no job


floaterg

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my b/f warned me he had some debt, and i knew he was collecting money for school from the GI bill (ex-military)...but i didn't realize how he's not doing anything to help his debt situation until i started living with him. he has two dogs and can't afford dog food so he'll start giving him our food that his mom buys for him. he's 30 years old and sees nothing wrong with this. i'm 3 months pregnant and i want him to get a job in addition to his full-time school schedule...i have a full time job and used to have two. is this so wrong of me??

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well we were both irresponsible to be honest. i have always wanted children and would never have an abortion. this was the first time i even risked it...and it happened right away. i understand that what's done is done and i'm trying to be excited about the baby but it seems like i'm doing all the worrying. we're thinking of breaking off our relationship because of money issues among other things....i feel like i may as well be on my own.

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he has two dogs and can't afford dog food so he'll start giving him our food that his mom buys for him.

For the dog's sake, don't do that. That will cause Pancreitis and kill the dogs if you continue to feed it food they're not suppose to eat. My grandmother did that to her Boxer- feed her eggs, ham, cheese, tuna, steak and fatty dog treats EVERYDAY- and is now stuck dealing with medical bills and buying specialized pet food for her dog as a result. She has to put the dog on a strict diet or it can kill the dog. Dogs MUST be put on dog food or it could severely mess up their health.

 

If you all can't afford to take care of the dogs, I would look into giving them to a family that could take care of them for the time being if I were you (your family or a neighbor perhaps?). It isn't fair to treat these animals like this at all if you can't afford to take care of them. Sorry.

 

he's 30 years old and sees nothing wrong with this. i'm 3 months pregnant and i want him to get a job in addition to his full-time school schedule...i have a full time job and used to have two. is this so wrong of me??

Have to agree with the above on this. You all are simply not ready to have a family. You both can't even afford to feed the dogs... what makes you all think you will be capable of taking care of a baby? Raising a child costs a lot of money. This really isn't a good situation. Have you discussed this with outside family and talked about getting some support from them? You also want him to look for a job.. it is NOT easy to just suddenly pick up a job right now with the economy being badly shaken. It took me 2 years to find a full-time job and I hold a college degree. The economy is STILL plummeting.

 

Sorry, I don't have any good advice. I would try talking to your family and see if any of them are willing to support you through your pregnancy.

 

well we were both irresponsible to be honest. i have always wanted children and would never have an abortion. this was the first time i even risked it...and it happened right away. i understand that what's done is done and i'm trying to be excited about the baby but it seems like i'm doing all the worrying. we're thinking of breaking off our relationship because of money issues among other things....i feel like i may as well be on my own.

 

Have you looked into adoption services? Asked family to help you?

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If he didn't have a job when you decided to move in with him, don't count on him getting one now. Maybe start applying for some government aid because he's not going to help.

 

A better man would work full time to help care for his new baby (and go to school part time).

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well I CAN afford to buy dog food, but NOT with a baby on the way...that's why i've started seeing it as his problem, and i'm halfway out the door..

 

Good....I would suggest working full-time as long as you can until the baby comes (some women can work up until almost when the baby is due), saving as much $$ as you can. Hopefully your family will be very supportive for you.

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Sounds like he needs an intervention--does he have a Dad or older brother who can get him to step up to the plate and provide for his household? Is he disabled? Mentally or otherwise? Do see what government help is

 

I'm a single mom and it's a hard life, but my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend were both industrious and help suport the kids.

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OP, just to be clear, are neither one of you working? Sorry, kind of confused about that....

If that is the case, you will need to move back home. There is no alternative (unless one or both of your families are willing to help out financially). This guy doesn't sound like he is going to go to work, at least not full time.

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well his father passed away unfortunately...this is one of the reason's i felt for him in the beginning. i am working full-time, but he is only going to school. he was working under the table part time but even stopped that once the semester started. he says he needs to focus on school but i don't see him doing very much studying. he likes movies and computer games. i had two jobs but quit because i didn't want to risk putting stress on the baby, but our relationship has turned out to be more sress than two jobs was. i'm considering getting a second job again...my family is supportive but i don't agree with the way i was raised so i'm hesitant to trust my mom with my child. i have one sister i'm close too but she's kind of struggling financially.

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I don't have any children but friends that have told me you don't realize your having a kid until you see it during the ultrasound. Have you taken him to the doctors with you? If not it may give him a reality check that the baby is there and its coming out sooner then later.

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well the ultrasound was another argument. the doctor surprised me with it, so the father wasn't there. when i called to tell him about it i was super excited and he was just upset that i didn't wait until a visit when he was there. we'll find out the gender in about a month and i scheduled that for a time that was good for both of us. i'm afraid if it takes him that long to wake up, i'll already be gone.

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You are working very hard and you sound like you are going to be a great mom! If that guy would rather play computer games and watch movies than get a job to help his new baby, keep walking out that door.....

You sound like a strong woman...

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