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always off...they miss you more the less you start to miss them


Anon333

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Just seems to sum up most break ups...The first two weeks are the hardest for the dumpee it seems, while it has been said that the first two weeks are the easiest for the dumper...They feel they did the right thing, maybe have already rebounded with someone else, but maybe also feel the ex is still there if they wanted them, even if they believe it is a done deal and over for good, they feel relieved even, and are able to keep the ex out of their mind? Is this an accurate description?....But then I hear that often times, by week two and up to 3 months is when a dumper starts to miss the ex and start to think about them, maybe start to see the positive things about them, realize they havent heard from them and that it is really really over and feel the loss? Yet between two to 3 months is when the dumpee is slowly starting to heal and get better.

 

They say that if an ex comes back it is usually when you have already gone through the pain of getting over them. Is there a reason why time and emotions work this way together? It seems like it happens often. In the end I think it is a blessing, because most likely the relationship was not right...But there have been tmes when exes have come back after I hurt for months and sometimes years and I just throw my hands up and wonder why after all that?!!

 

Its just funny how the time line for us healing is sometimes a similar timeline in the opposite way for the dumper to start thinking of us again...I know this doesnt always happen, but that seems why most people say after three months of no contact you should be healed enough to not want them back, and yet this is sometimes when they come around again....Anyone agree or disagree or have a theory as to why this is?

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It's very true I seen this before in another thread called the reverse psychology of "rebounds" they start to wonder and comparing they see that the new person it's not just like him but they try soo hard to compare then and make the new person better that at the end they fail and come back.

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Don't you think it has to do with seeing the 'old' person back? ie the Dumpee is now back to being confident and happy? Plus there's the risk of them meeting someone else, perhaps jealousy kicks in?

 

I think there's some truth in the old saying 'familiarity breeds contempt'. After three months you're back to being unfamiliar. If you're also coping and giving off good vibes, that perhaps rekindles all the old feelings of attraction.

 

PLUS, some dumpers are just manipulative and don't like to see an Ex move on, especially if they haven't done as well for themselves as they thought they would.

 

Human nature...

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I dont know if it have to do with how the dumper perceives the dumpee as moving on, or healed and confident, because often times the dumpee and dumper have been avoiding each other and not in contact....hopefully

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I think whether it is long distance break up or not, not exes try not to see eachother in order to move on and not be hurt by eachother...The last I saw my ex, he was with another women, now I do not want to ever go out until I am healed and could handle that. So I dont think it matters if they see you or not...In fact, it is better for your own healing not to see or talk to them, but it also may make them think about you once they havent heard from you in a long time or seen you.....maybe this theory is wrong?

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That is exactly what happened to me down to a 'T'. It was about the 2 and a half month mark when she called to say she had missed me. Of course at the time i couldnt believe my luck that she called, but in hindsight, it was really bad for me because i had actually started to get over her, and then my feelings came flooding back as soon as she called.

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Ex dumped me on this day last year, never heard from her again.....until November when hearsay went around and i was hearing from my friends that she missed me. She broke contact and we now talk every day, she wants to get back together but i haven't allowed it to happen because she hasn't fessed up to the break up(her reasons for leaving me were a lie in my books).

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Okay let me throw something else into the conversation. Don't you guys think that the ex comes bck after you are over them because even if you try to hide or fake that you are okay your ex can somehow 'sense' that you are not okay?

 

Remember when you were small how if someone was angry or frustrated even if they wanted to hide it you could feel it and you felt you needed to get away from that person?

 

So my theory is only after you really healed and don't feel hurt anymore and then talk to your ex,face to face or over a phone, they can sense that you are over them and moved on and that kills them and then they want you back?

 

Just a theory tell me what you guys think!!

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I think it's just a coincidence and how you handled yourself after the break up. It's only natural to miss someone you've been with for a while and want to reach out to them.

 

For instance, my ex contacted me twice within a week after the break up. I was missing her like crazy, but she missed me as well and she was with someone else.

 

When I dumped her, I contacted her within a week because I was no longer angry with her.

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That has been the case for me from both sides. Who knows why it is though... It just seems to be the way of things.

 

It's unfortunate and true that either as you're reaching the cusp of healing or have healed that they will reach out.

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Do you guys think it would help to reach out and let the ex know that youre working on yourself and trying to improve, etc? This is speaking from those who want to reconcile with their ex.

 

I figure that if you let initial emotions from a breakup cool down, give it some time, reach out to let the ex know you have been striving to fix things, and then continue on with NC, that it would cause the ex to further question themselves and when that period of time comes when they start to really miss you, they will have a better impression of who you are becoming?

 

Any thoughts?

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Whatsetsup, unfortunately if you tel your ex you're changing instead of showing them...it's going to possibly seem hollow to them, or done with the intention of impressing them. I think once the emotional charge has subsided to the point where you feel grounded and not so invested in them....then you can reach out and talk about what you've been doing...but by this time..you may not care!

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Whatsetsup, unfortunately if you tel your ex you're changing instead of showing them...it's going to possibly seem hollow to them, or done with the intention of impressing them. I think once the emotional charge has subsided to the point where you feel grounded and not so invested in them....then you can reach out and talk about what you've been doing...but by this time..you may not care!

 

Agreed.

 

Two points to stress:

1. Don't try to tell/show them how/what you've changed. You probably won't get the desired results out of telling them.

2. You should be doing ^ for personal growth and as bungalo said, by that point you might not care about them because you are working on you for yourself.

 

This is why as Anon said, at this point if they do want you back you won't really want them as much because your main focus was on you! Not saying you won't care for them or like them (this may happen) but that they most likely weren't your main focus during this healing/repairing time.

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Not your most recent ex right?

 

If so, then we have another one on the eight week challenge.

 

haha nope! my most recent ex. again he's doing this! except i'm moving on this time even though i'm almost positive he is going to live up to the eight week challenge.

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When they do finally make contact, what do you think their intentions are generally? I think its more of a check up to see how you are going and whether you seem more or less happier than themselves. Has anyone here got back together again after this contact and it lasted? not many i would think.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When i got dumped a couple of years ago, I instantly told her I couldn't cope doing the friends thing in a very polite manner. She replied "fine" and took a sad on.

 

But she continued to try and chat on MSN everytime we were on at the same time, even though I took her off my contacts. Then after a few months, she started texting, which continues to this day. Always instigated by her. She knew she had it good, and I can tell she regrets it, as I know she's still single, but I'm no longer interested. I just keep up the banter. I actually feel genuinely sorry for her, as she's a lovely girl, and deserves the best, but I've moved on.

 

Which is my plan with this one too, have instigated NC, going to put my energies into improving myself no end, and if she decides to initiate contact, I'll be an even better guy by then, but probably will have moved on again. When will people learn about the grass is greener nonesense...

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True, even with a rebound, even though we sit together in classes, even though we are in each others face daily, I know she misses me.

 

Once, a couple weeks after our break up, we were sat in a class and at the end, she asked me if I am coming to the revision lesson.

 

I said to her in a jokey manner, "Aw that is sweet. I know you miss me"

 

And then came that sad disappointed face that I have seen beforehand on many occasions involving other situations....

 

Sad I am not there to wrap my arms around her to comfort her this time round. I'll leave that to the other guy...if he is still around.

 

So yes, they dump, they 'do', and then they dish out the tears when you least expect it: after you have healed, moved on, and are planning your wedding...

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What do you guys think about speeding up the process? My Ex and I have been on NC for 2 weeks. Amicable break-up but she thought I was too smothering at the end. "Natural reaction" when she backed up a bit and got busy with school. I know she loves me but here's my real question.

 

Would it send a message if I showed up when she was home and handed her the stuff she had at my house and then left? Like here you go have a nice life. Kind of force her to re-evaluate it and miss me quicker?

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Would it send a message if I showed up when she was home and handed her the stuff she had at my house and then left? Like here you go have a nice life. Kind of force her to re-evaluate it and miss me quicker?

 

I'd call/txt asking when would be a good time to come by and return some things. Keep it plain and simple. I'm not sure if it's make her miss you more/faster but it'd definite reinforce the situation, make it more real.

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When will people learn about the grass is greener nonesense...

 

When they realize they left for stupid reasons, don't get what they expected, come to the conclusion they made a rash decision... who knows, really.

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