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Non conventional Physical/Personality combo = Unattractive?


sns256

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I was wondering if having a personality that doesn't match your physical stature comes off as unattractive.... eventually?

 

Physically I am a very fit, larger, semi muscular guy. I work out 3-4 times a week, and play 2-3 hockey games a week. So I look mostly the part of a typical jock guy (not one of those super good looking ones though). Personality wise I am on the other extreme end of the scale. I am a quiet, shy, nerd, who loves computers and video games, and sometimes too smart for my own good. However I am not introverted much anymore. I used to be up around age 19 though.

 

So when I am out I get the a couple looks from above average looking girls. On the odd occasion I can summon the courage to get over my shyness and ask a girl out I usually get a yes in real life (not online for some reason). Anyway, after a date or two and said girl who is at least semi attracted to me physically, gets to know my personality. She looses interest really quick and I never hear from her again.

 

So I might hear you say: "Go after some nerdy girls!" Well! I have tried that too! I have only gone out with a couple of nerdy girls and for the most part these girls like my personality, but are not attracted to me physically. They tend to like the typical nerdy, smaller, lanky guy. So these girls can't get around this and disappear after a couple of dates as well.

 

I myself have experienced this time and time again. But I was wondering if it is just down to not meeting the right woman yet that gets the whole package that is sns256? I would like to consider myself having the best of both worlds. > And that it is just the matter of finding the right one.

 

YES I know such girls exist that are both nerds and sport chicks. In fact my best female friend is that type of girl. We get a long great playing a video game or hockey game its awesome. I just have to find someone like her. Any idea where such a girl would hang out? Or is it really just pure luck?

 

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Either a Jock/Nerd scenario, or some other weird combo.

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When I used to bodybuild, I found myself in the same situation. Jock body type with intense desire to learn. I still have the intense desire to learn, hehe. While there might be a lot of girls that are attracted to you, very few will approach. I think that is true no matter what your situation, but especially so when you are physically intimidating.

 

The trick is to notice when a girl sends not so subtle signals that she is into you, then act on it.

 

If they initially wanted you, then lost interest, it was because you didn't play your cards right. It wasn't because you were intellectual and smart. Probably just made a mistake somewhere in the game of attraction. There has to be a pattern you can see. Something you do stepwise that is causing trouble.

 

To be blunt, the step I usually miss is that I am not forward enough to lead the girl directly where she wants to go (especially right into the bedroom). The shy nerdy intellectual card is most fully appreciated after she feels more comfortable with you on an emotional and physical level. jme. Keep the mindset that you want her animalistically and freely express that to her with your body language and confidence. Showing her that side of you combined with your intelligence is what will turn her on. That is the thing you don't want to lose at any time in the relationship. Fight off any urge to get too touchy/feely until well into the relationship. If she balks, oh well. She was the one showing interest, right? Can't fault a guy for being confident and going after it. One step forward, two steps back, repeat. You have to keep it hot and keep the chemistry going. Your personality will show no matter what you do and there are a lot of girls that you can have good relations with that don't have to be head over heels about the intellectual side.

 

In the end, a lot of people tend to flake out. Just have to move onto the next one if you are doing things right and that just happens. No biggie.

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I hear you. Actually I was smiling as I was reading because I have similar problems. My looks are quite conventional and stereotypical of my heritage. My clothes aren't. And my personality...well look at my user name. I feel too strange for the conventional guys and too ordinary for the weirdo's. People think that being in the middle like that can be fortunate but it's not what I experience. I feel like I don't fit in a category. I am quite bubbly and confident to some extend but also rather melancholic in my heart. The really outgoing mainstream people will eventually find me too serious (and I get bored with them) and the complete outsiders will want me to save them. I look for someone who is "in between" as well. I can only hope.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry guys! I have been so ridiculously busy with work, hockey playoffs, and a couple parties that I have only been able to come to the site on my breaks at work, and browsing mostly. : )

 

Lots of guys would love to be in your position. I always wanted to be that guy who lifts weights while reading Kafka, but the books won out.

 

Those women are out there.

 

I know a lot of guys would love to be in my position. When I get into a groove I have very little problems getting a phone number. I just stumble on the first or second date, every single time.

 

Umm your best friend? Duh!

I'd say your best friend as well

haha, I've been beat to the punch ^^ you're a silly man for not dating her

chicks like her hang out with people like you : ) imagine

 

LOL I knew that suggestion was coming. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me like that in anyway at all. I have known her about 5 years now. She was in a relationship with one of the guys I play hockey with, and went to highschool with. It would be incredibly weird if we dated. She has never sent any signals that she likes me, and in fact acts completely different around me than anyone else of our common friends.

 

I know I am definitely not her type of guy that she has dated and been in relationships with over the last few years. She would not be "in" as she would say. lmao.

 

chicks like her hang out with people like you imagine

 

I agree! Hang out, but not to date. But getting over the shyness would probably get some to date me. : ) That is coming, slowly.

 

When I used to bodybuild, I found myself in the same situation. Jock body type with intense desire to learn. I still have the intense desire to learn, hehe. While there might be a lot of girls that are attracted to you, very few will approach. I think that is true no matter what your situation, but especially so when you are physically intimidating.

 

The trick is to notice when a girl sends not so subtle signals that she is into you, then act on it.

 

If they initially wanted you, then lost interest, it was because you didn't play your cards right. It wasn't because you were intellectual and smart. Probably just made a mistake somewhere in the game of attraction. There has to be a pattern you can see. Something you do stepwise that is causing trouble.

 

To be blunt, the step I usually miss is that I am not forward enough to lead the girl directly where she wants to go (especially right into the bedroom). The shy nerdy intellectual card is most fully appreciated after she feels more comfortable with you on an emotional and physical level. jme. Keep the mindset that you want her animalistically and freely express that to her with your body language and confidence. Showing her that side of you combined with your intelligence is what will turn her on. That is the thing you don't want to lose at any time in the relationship. Fight off any urge to get too touchy/feely until well into the relationship. If she balks, oh well. She was the one showing interest, right? Can't fault a guy for being confident and going after it. One step forward, two steps back, repeat. You have to keep it hot and keep the chemistry going. Your personality will show no matter what you do and there are a lot of girls that you can have good relations with that don't have to be head over heels about the intellectual side.

 

In the end, a lot of people tend to flake out. Just have to move onto the next one if you are doing things right and that just happens. No biggie.

 

Awesome post man! I definitely make a TON of mistakes in the 'game' of attraction. I have been reading, and trying to analyse my past dates to see where and when I went wrong. Most of the time I am able to identify and learn from my mistake. I just keep finding new mistakes. lmao

 

That was what I am trying to get at. The girls that I am attracting are the ones that expect their guy to be blunt, know what they are doing, confident physically. I don't really have that side of me yet. I haven't even got close to my first kiss yet! I am not really equipped with any knowledge or confidence on anything physical with a girl.

 

I know as soon as I get to kiss/be intimate with a woman one or two times I am going to be absolutely fine with showing that side of myself. I usually am with any topic/ activity I just learn. I can command a room after getting a bit of experience and know what I am doing. Before that, I am really quiet and trying to learn.

 

So with the girls I am attracting REALLY don't like when I slip up, or show that I don't know what I am doing, or inexperienced. They tend not to give second chances.

 

Thanks so much for that post and I will keep it in mind for whenever I am ready to employ the knowledge.

 

Approach the pretty girl on the subway that's drawing or reading Orwell.

 

No subways in my city, but I could find someone like that anywhere around here. : ) I will keep my eyes peeled!

 

I hear you. Actually I was smiling as I was reading because I have similar problems. My looks are quite conventional and stereotypical of my heritage. My clothes aren't. And my personality...well look at my user name. I feel too strange for the conventional guys and too ordinary for the weirdo's. People think that being in the middle like that can be fortunate but it's not what I experience. I feel like I don't fit in a category. I am quite bubbly and confident to some extend but also rather melancholic in my heart. The really outgoing mainstream people will eventually find me too serious (and I get bored with them) and the complete outsiders will want me to save them. I look for someone who is "in between" as well. I can only hope.

 

I hear you quirky! I guess people like us are just some odd ball combination that many people don't encounter very often. But when we do end up eventually finding someone we will rock their world! Best of both worlds, as I said in my first post! : )

 

Yes we can hope, and I really hope it isn't ALL luck to find someone who likes both sides of us. There has got to be more people out there than we realise that do like weird combinations of physical/ personality types. : )

 

Thanks all for the feedback!

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hello sns256, and quirky too - tell me about it!!

i have the exact problems.

well im very petite, and i look extremely girly, with long hair and girly features and sometimes i wear skirts too... but not high heels and i dont pay much attention to nails even though i wear makeup. but the thing is I'm a dude at heart - the things i like (i love soccer and i would say that i know more than an average guy and they're often surprised that i know more than them, and im quite up for anything, for example when we went hiking i would be the first to dive into the river, even faster than the blokes), and in a way i act a bit like a guy - for example, my gestures... of which i aint aware of but im sure that it's a bit of a turnoff for guys. and im quite vulgar to be honest, i like making dirty jokes and my language can be quite vulgar sometimes

what else.. im also a bit quirky, im very shy but when you get to know me, im extremely crazy. a bit of the split personality syndrome here haha.. some people think im sort of sociable but others think im too serious and cold..im not comfortable with people TOO sociable and party-animal-like at all because im not that type of person, but then i cant stand complete nerds who wont get any jokes i say. (just like Quirky). i also like weird things and i have weird habits, like, i like being alone a lot.

 

in the past i always interpret this as quite positive.. and i still do.. but as i get older i wonder why i still havent got a proper boyfriend. ive been told that im cute all the time, sometimes pretty and some even say i look like a angel... but then they all contradict with my personalities.. but i like that, it's who i am.

 

yea i think that we just need to find that someone, i reckon we will rock someone's world if we do find someone. the problem is most people are really mainstream and they prefer the mainstream type of people (whatever that is) ...

 

ive heard loads of guys liking girly looking girls with guyish personalities then how come no one appreciate mine.

 

i was on a service trip last week and i duno if im reading too much into these but i reckon some guys were interested in me at first but lost interest as soon as they find out what a tomboy i actually am. or maybe they werent interested but i see a couple of them looking at me all the time... even my friend told me that she thought that guy was into but towards the end of the trip, he didn't anymore.

 

to the OP i would love to be with someone like you.. the thing is when i see a muscular guy i get really intimidated for some reason and i stereotype that he's really into his sports and parties and hot girls.. so i dont stand a chance.

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Hey chelsea13!

 

When I was reading your post I was smiling and agreeing with nearly everything you said. You sound like you have exactly the same personality that my best female friend has that makes her so attractive. I am very glad that you are happy with the way you are! Don't change at all!

 

I am a social person, but shy at the same time as well. I also hate being around super sociable people. And I can't stand super nerds! I am closet nerd, but I can't stand talking to these types of people. They suck the life out of me, even though we have some similar interests. I try to stay away from such people as well.

 

I do think it is possible that people like us can find someone. I think it is the classic case of, don't judge a book by its cover. For us, what you see on the outside can be drastically different on the inside. Its not what prospective gf/bf expect and throw them off. Usually leading to a loss of interest.

 

Some guys definitely do like girly looking girls with guyish personalities, myself included. I think you just haven't met the right guy yet. You will, just keep a positive attitude and he will come eventually.

 

I can relate to finding girls liking me physically, but the instant that they get to know me a bit they loose interest. Being physically fit, but a quiet, shy nerd type doesn't match. lol Just keep your chin up and one of these guys will like you for you. I think for people like us it is just a little bit harder to find the right one. But I believe they are out there.

 

Reading your post here, and from a couple I have read in the past few days I can definitely tell that I would love to be with someone like you as well! Too bad you are probably half way accross the planet. lmao!

 

Thank you for saying that you might be intimidated by a muscular guy. I had a feeling that I initially do that. Signals to me that it is very important for me to get over this approach anxiety/ shyness. I don't want to intimidate girls to the point they don't give me big signals. Being shy, I don't pick up on small signals.

 

Remember not everyone wants the same type of guy/girl. You stand a chance with anyone! No one is out of your league. I very much like nicer, cuter girls than the hot ones. They are more down to earth, and I tend to like their personalities much better. Not to say that some hot girls are great either. I have a couple really hot friends that get guys at the drop of a pin. But they are really great after getting to know them.

 

What I am saying to you, and everyone. Don't judge a book buy it's cover. There are really different people everyone. You never know when you meet someone who you are compatible with. We just haven't....... YET. lol

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go to school? lol

 

 

i dont know what's up with the stereotype, but i'm a chem nerd and there are sooo many fit chem nerds at my school.. they're all nerdy and they're all really into sports. in fact, i actually had to start following sports more closely to fit in. LOL! much more than i would if i were just chilling with my normal high school friends.

 

 

like, physically fit guy with nerdy tendencies is the most lethal combination... for girls like me anyway.

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