Why are girls such a big deal to me?

[change2010]

A month ago I went out with the first girl I had ever asked out. We ended up going out four times, and trying to make plans on other occasions but they didn't work out. The whole thing ended with her ignoring me. She said she would definitely be available one night, I never heard from her that night. I called a few days later, no answer. Left a nice voicemail, but after a few days with no call back I figured she wasn't interested anymore and gave up. It's been about a month since the last time I talked to her. The more I've thought out about the more I know that we wouldn't have worked in the long-term. But I still think about her everyday. Almost every morning I wake up and she is on my mind. I feel like I am just hurting because I really wanted a girlfriend and she happened to be the last girl I was interested in that for. But...I only went out with her four times, I don't really know her...but why is she still on my mind everyday a month after I stopped talking to her? I'm almost afraid of what it will be like when I actually do date someone for months and break up.

[BMP2CPM]

Why are girls such a big deal to me? Answer: because like many other guys, you like girls.

 

So the first girl you ever went out with, you went out on 4 dates. Great! That's a respectable number for your first time.

 

Then she ignored you? Well women and girls, like mystery and challenge with their guys. Become an open book or too easy and they get bored with you fairly quickly. Become a bit distant and a challenge, and they'll think about you a lot, just as you are thinking about this girl.

 

Wanting to have a girlfriend is a terrible goal. The more you want a girl to be your girlfriend, the more she will sense it and the less interested she'll be in you.

 

You're young. Go out with many girls. You're too young to settle down. You should never suggest to a girl that you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. It should just happen, naturally.

 

Think about this: in the time you spend thinking about this girl, you could be dating several other girls.

 

Also, you say she's the only one you're interested in. It takes a while to get to really know someone. First impressions can be deceiving. Get to know lot's of girls, you may find the ones you ruled out may be very interesting after all.

 

Also, make yourself the priority in life, not girls. If you do this, girls will sense it and be more interested in you. If you make any girl the center of your life the girl will tend to have no interest in you anymore.

 

Good luck!

[EQIQ]

This man speaks truth, and I have the same problem lol... Time to heed good advice.

[Harrowdown]

Yes! Please listen to BMP's advice!

 

I also had your problem but a few years ago I changed my attitude towards ladies and made myself my number 1 priority! Hence a dramatic increase in self confidence which is attractive.

 

I've dated more the last 2 years than in my life and I'm enjoying it tremendously; no more second guessing myself and worrying but rather just keeping myself entertained.

[change2010]

I want to be more like that, it feels like that is not really who I am.

 

I kind of feel like if I was friends with more girls, and had some sexual experience they wouldn't be as big a deal to me. I would love to be able to hang out with lots of girls and maybe fool around with some. I want to want that; but right now I feel more like I would want something like that to be more special and meaningful.

 

I just recently found out that a girl at my work has a crush on me. I think she is good looking but I don't feel an attraction like I did with this last girl. But in the spirit of trying to hang out with lots of girls and have fun with girls should I try to go out and do something with her? It feels a little wrong to me to "ask her out" when I don't feel any attraction...I just want to hang out with a girl. Especially if she ended up liking me a lot and wanting to do more....how would I handle that.