Can i have a friend of the opposite sex?

[klynnd]

So. I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years...we just got back together (longgggg story) after a rough couple of months..anyways, i knew this boy in highschool and he was one of my best friends...i havent seen him for like 4-5 years because he's been overseas doing tours in Iraq/Afghanistan. He's finally come home and wants to hang out. Is it ok to go hang out with him? I mean, he asked me if i wanted to go to lunch so we cold catch up. Just an innocent lunch. My BF will prolly freak out and demand to go but im curious to see other peoples opinions. Do you think its a bad idea for a girl in a relationship to have friends of the opposite sex?

[shuttlefish]

If the roles were reversed (your guy going for lunch with some girl) would YOU be OK with that?

That's your first question. The second should be, are you absolutley sure your friend doesn't have other intentions?

 

On the other hand, he's had a rough couple of years there, and missed out on some "normal" life. He likely wants to reconnect with "life before war" and hang out with some civilians.

 

I'm glad he made it home safe.

[Momake]

There is nothing wrong with friends - so long as you are 100% sure it is platonic from both sides. Let your boyfriend come along if it will ease his conscience. Hopefully he will comfortable enough and leave half way through once you get into reminiscing about highschool.

 

I have met some of my girl (space) friends boyfriends and we (as in me and their boyfriend(s)) ended up hanging out more than I do now with their girlfriends... funny story..

[klynnd]

Yea. Im sure its just strictly friends. We were like brother and sister...we were inseperable in high school and even before that. we've been close since i was 10 (im 21 now). i mean, i know that was a long time ago but its always good to connect with old frienes, especially when they are good people. I asked my BF if he would want to go and he got all "macho" on me and was saying "yea im gunna go so i can kick his ass if he touches you..."and blah blah blah...my BF thinks its more of a "i wanna sleep him after lunch" kinda thing. I almost feel like if my BF came then it would be more akward and uncomfortable than fun and enjoyable.. If he ran into a girl that was his friend in highschool and wanted to go to lunch and catch up i wouldnt have a problem with it because i trust him.

 

I guess i just dont know what to do lol. Do i bring the BF and deal with the weirdness of my BF trying to have a pising contest? Or do i go alone and have a good time? What would you do?

[agent1607307371]

I would go alone and then arrange another meeting for your friend and your BF to meet.

 

I would also be 100% clear that a p*ssing contest is out of the question and I expect him to treat my friend with the respect I show his.

 

As long as both sides are clear it's platonic, I think friends of the opposite sex are healthy to have.

[Momake]

I would go alone and then arrange another meeting for your friend and your BF to meet.

 

That sounds ultra awkward to me...

 

I would tell your bf that he can take you to the lunch place - but he shouldn't stay. Just say your bf was dropping you off before he went to the gym, shopping, to study, etc. There is nothing awkward about that. Also, guys aren't as unreceptive as you think - we can get a lot from an introductory look, smile (or lack thereof), and handshake. He will know within a couple of minutes if your friend will be a "threat" to him or not. Chances are your bf will feel a whole lot better after simply saying hi to the guy. Who knows... maybe your bf will hang around and want to know about your past? I would - simply to learn more about my SO.

[WickedSunrise]

I think it's fine to go, but you should be honest with your boyfriend about it. Tell him what you're up to and tell him that after you guys catch up they can meet at some point. If you don't tell your boyfriend that you're going, and he finds out, he will wonder why you didn't tell him.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, and I have friends who are guys. We'll go to the library together or get lunch. Though most of them are friends with my boyfriend too so he knows them. Once I went for lunch to catch up with a guy I traveled on a group trip with a while back. I told my boyfriend and he had no problem with it. I even invited him to come meet the guy, but he didn't want to. I wasn't close with him so it wasn't important that they meet.

 

You should definitely be able to go catch up with your old friend. Do you really want to be with a guy who won't let you and/or can't trust you?

[klynnd]

Yea. Thats a good idea. Go alone first and then set something else up with the BF to come..that way i can give the friend a heads up of what to expect.

 

And i think they are healthy to have to. Its just hard to have them when you have a super jealous boyfriend.

[klynnd]

Well my BF knows what im going to do..i told him. I dont keep secrets about what im doing because thats just asking for trouble..

 

And i didnt realize that guys were that perceptive. i always just thought that they just got jelaous and didnt want other dudes looking at their girlfriends lol.

[Rangafro]

Do you think its a bad idea for a girl in a relationship to have friends of the opposite sex?

 

I'll put it this way: I think it's bad idea to have embarrassingly paranoid boyfriends.

 

Do you have any mutual friends that he wants also to catch up with? Maybe you could make the first meeting a group thing.

[klynnd]

I'll put it this way: I think it's bad idea to have embarrassingly paranoid boyfriends.

 

Do you have any mutual friends that he wants also to catch up with? Maybe you could make the first meeting a group thing.

 

I'll ask him. I didnt even think of that. Maybe I can just get a group of people together and we can all go out to a bar Wanna come?

[Rangafro]

Haha. Now that would be cause for concern.

[bulletproof]

I asked my BF if he would want to go and he got all "macho" on me and was saying "yea im gunna go so i can kick his ass if he touches you..."and blah blah blah...my BF thinks its more of a "i wanna sleep him after lunch" kinda thing.

 

I think this statement is incredibly immature and disturbing. Why would you want to date a guy who would even make a statement like this? Not to mention how little he trusts you.

 

He doesn't really sound like a very nice person, quite frankly.

[agent1607307371]

I think this statement is incredibly immature and disturbing. Why would you want to date a guy who would even make a statement like this? Not to mention how little he trusts you.

 

He doesn't really sound like a very nice person, quite frankly.

 

Do you know, that was one of my first thoughts too.

[klynnd]

He is a very nice person. Im not wanting my relationship analyzed...i was just curious as to what people thought about having friends of the opposite sex..i mean, yea my BF has a jealousy problem but thats not reason to leave if i love him..

[bulletproof]

He is a very nice person. Im not wanting my relationship analyzed...i was just curious as to what people thought about having friends of the opposite sex..i mean, yea my BF has a jealousy problem but thats not reason to leave if i love him..

 

If you're asking what I think of having friends of the opposite sex, then I think it's perfectly fine and healthy, and if your bf is making statements about kicking that friend's butt, he's immature and insecure. And it *is* a reason to leave someone, regardless of whether you love him. It's unhealthy and can lead to really scary and controlling behavior down the road.

[bulletproof]

Btw, is this the same guy who cheated on you?