i dont want them speaking to each other!

[lovekitty]

this subject is driving me mad and i need someones advice before i say or do something ridiculous.I have a step sister and shes a year younger than me,weve always been close but had our downs more than ups,shes always been a patronising twofaced cow and when it came to lads she out did me everytime,even when i had a boyfriend would she try to cutesy talk with them n make her seem better than me,and when it was over between me whoever it was they would start confessin they like her and it riles me to hell ...but anyway to date i hardly see her anymor,she lives with her boyfriend and goes to the same college as him but goes to same one as my current boyfriend.now me and my boyfriend are madly in love but i feel so insecure about him meetin my step sister that i never bothered n avoided them ever seein eye to eye,it was great,she ddint have a clue what he looked like,he didnt come from round anywer she knew,he doesnt know anyone she does,unlike all my ex boyfriends and i was in heaven i felt like i could b at peace at last.now my step sister is for life as our parents are now married so she is an important person not just a friend or anything,but a relative.one day i was out with my boyfriend suddenly i heard my name shouted and i thought 'oh dear' it was her she was running up to say hello,i felt scared,weird i know but i felt insecure n scared.she put on the little charm of hers tryin to be funny and manipulative as usual and i was thinkin 'yeh yeh just p**s off please! she had a good glance at my boyfriend as she sed goodbye so now she has an idea what he looks like n she saw photos of him whe she came round later that week.suddenly one day my boyfriend comes round and goes 'oh i saw your sister today,she was just talking to me' i was fuming,i hadnt even introduced them both!!! i let it drop though,i thought i'd let it pass as a rare event.But now i'm finding out they speak whenevr they see each other,i hear only from my step sister,'oh i saw your (name) today,hes at work now though' im like how the hell do u know that? thats personal information wouldnt any of u agree? thats stuff i would know,hed tell me how much hes dredin work,it made me feel so bitter inside,then she was sayin she saw him an they had a chat about 'stuff' i was like what was u sayin? she goes 'oh jus askin about u and talkin about college' i got so angry and upset with it i finsihed the conversation as quickly as anything and slammed the phone down.I tried tellin my boyfriend how shes been nasty n patronising in the past but i feel like im bein the *****y one,i really dont like the fact they have a little chat whenever eyes meet,i know i shouldnt even be bothered but im scared she is doin this to annoy me,she knows she hardly knows the guy but she says she oblivious as to why she does speak to him she just does as she says.i burst into tears about it when it springs to mind,it just hurts me and i dont know why,it hurts even more to the fact that he didnt even tell me that they spoke that day.i dont want them talking,is ther anyway i can put him off it? i know i cant control him and say what goes but this is emotionally depressing me and i need advice before i seem a bunny boiler by confronting my boyfriend with total anger.

[ang3l2004]

You cannot control how he thinks or feels,He is aloud to talk to whomever and just because he talk to her does not mean anything,Are you a bit jealous of her?That's what it seems to be mabe that is not the case but if it is why be jealous?Be worried about yourself.A little chit chat is nothing more then what it is and if there are no signs of anything else why worry?Dont analyze the situation to much you might be making yourself feel this way.Just calm down and stay cool with the situation.If there are other signs then talk to him otherwise just dont worry

[lovekitty]

the fact is she tries to be better than me,im not jealous of her im a nice girl that never treats anyone nastily and she is a bitch

[Meow18]

Of course your boyfriend is going to talk to her whenever she talks to him, or whenever he sees her. She's your family & he wants to be liked by them & seem friendly. It would be rude of him to ignore her. My boyfriend talks to my sister all the time & gets to know her. I like it that way. I want my family knowing him & him knowing them. It makes everyone closer. I can understand how this is making you feel. Your step sister has tried stealing people from you in the past, so why wouldn't it upset you? I think you should talk to her. Tell her that in the past she has hurt you & your boyfriend means a lot to you & you don't want to lose him. Hopefully she will understand. Don't worry about her tryign to make herself look better than you to your boyfriend. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he won't think anyone is better. It seems as though you are mostly scared of losing him to her, but I really think that if you talk to her, maybe she will back off just a little. I wouldn't suggest you tell your boyfriend all sorts of bad things about her because that will just make you look bad & it will make you look jealous.

[birdgirl]

Hmmm... you know, I had this friend who was very sexy and dressed provocatively, and everyone who I met wanted her over me once they met her. I could never get a guy to look at me when she was around. But ONCE in a while, I'd find a guy who liked ME, even after he had met her. He would choose me over her. And that's how I knew I had met a good guy, when he would look past her sexy clothes and tons of makeup and notice me. So she almost acted as a filter, because the bad guys would go right to her and the nice guys would go right to me. And once we stopped being friends, I was meeting more and more bad guys because she, my filter, was gone. I almost wished I had a sexy friend around to draw the attention of all the bad guys.

 

SO. Let your men meet her and if they act like they like her better, tell them to get lost. The one who looks at you over her is the one you want to keep.

 

In the meantime, you should ask him why he didn't tell you he talked to her. And... well, maybe you can create a fake e-mail account and e-mail him and say you're her, and say you don't want to tell you that you're talking, and see what happens? I'm sneaky. Hmmm...

[CandleInTheWind]

lovekitty,

 

I understand where you're coming from. I grew up with a very good friend that would act similar to your step sister. It can be very annoying. But give her the benefit of the doubt: She may not even realize that she seems flirty around your boyfriends. She might be jealous of you and unconfident about herself, so she feels like she proves something if she gets a 2nd look or a flirt from your boyfriend. But this could be at the subconscious level. Have you ever talked to her about it when she acts like this?

 

Of course you can't stop them from talking to one another. Talking in and of itself is harmless. But you seem very concerned that it could lead to more. Since this is such a concern to you, I believe that there must be some validity in what you're saying. Maybe she does try to rain on your parade.

 

There ARE some manipulative people in this world, both female and male, who seek gratification in pursuing people that are "taken". From those that I personally know who are like this- they seem to enjoy the chase and challenge....it somehow boosts their self-esteem. You need to talk to her about this in a way that is not threatening. Tell her it concerns you.Sh is your sister for the long haul.... you need to reslove theses things now before you start harvesting angry feelings towards her.Don't let it turn into something worse

 

I do agree with others that you also seem to have some confidence issues going on. You need to be secure with yourself and assure yourself that if this guy is really into YOU then your stepsister or any other woman will not take him away from you. If you think he can be swayed by your stepsister so easily(or anyone) then he is obviosuly not the one for you.