Hooking up with a bartender

[whes]

And add a little ambition to the mix and you're on your way - at least half way, lol.

 

A some stubbornness and firm commitment to personal goals, and you're set!

[Theblueman123]

Omg it's not that hard to succeed, seriously just find your drive and work at it. Stop having a pity-party because you think that your problems mean anything, because they don't. We aren't here to listen to you whine, but instead to tell you what you need to do. Get off your a**, and do something about your problems. We all have them, and don't care to listen to you whine. If you have a problem then do something about it, seriously grow up already.

[galaxy71]

Omg it's not that hard to succeed, seriously just find your drive and work at it. Stop having a pity-party because you think that your problems mean anything, because they don't. We aren't here to listen to you whine, but instead to tell you what you need to do. Get off your a**, and do something about your problems. We all have them, and don't care to listen to you whine. If you have a problem then do something about it, seriously grow up already.

 

Wow. I don't see any support in that post. If that isn't shaming I don't know what is. One of the purposes of this forum is to vent and share your deepest fears, anxieties, and inseurities. People go here to vent as they want to find other people who share the same problems as them. Not everybody wants to go through the burden of paying $100/hour to a counselor whenever they have a problem. Being there for someone and treating someone with care and respect does not neccesarily entail that you condone everything that anyone says. Different people heal in different ways and in different timelines. You seem to believe that other people's feelings are not valid unless they align with your values and beliefs. Your feelings don't count. I am going to jam my agenda down your throat because I don't respect your autonomy to think and feel as you do.

 

Another thing to some of the people on this forum. Having a job or having a bunch of interests isn't going to neccesarily make you more attractive to women. Dating advice websites are full of professional, well-educated men who have problems with dating. If an average guy with a stable job goes to a speed-dating event, he will quickly find out that women don't care about a guy's job as much as they think. Guys are labeled as "nerds" yet they have good-paying jobs. Having a good job doesn't help "nerds" that pick up the women of their dreams. On the other side, there are a ton of unemployed/underemployed guys who are in relationships and having sex with women. In the neighborhood that I grew up in, most of the guys were either unemployed or working in extremely low-paying jobs. Yet that didn't prevent them from hooking up with women and having kids. The women in bars and nightclubs don't care if you are a plumber or an accountant. They just want to date good looking, outgoing guys. If you make the mistake of being boring in the first thirty seconds of conversation, you get blown out. I don't think that telling a story about how your coworkers remind you of the characters from the comedy "The Office" is going to help you as the woman is walking away from you.

 

I think there is plenty of shaming in this thread. People pushing their views about unemployed people down others throats. Unemployed, single man is a free-loading,moocher who has no ambition or drive in life. Yet unemployed, ladies man is cool because he is a rebel without a cause. Employed, single man is the lovable, nice guy. I remember on another forum, how this woman was giving me a hard time because I was unemployed. Greeninlady was her name. She got pissed because I was unemployed even though I was only a few months out of college. I was looking for a job and she still gave me a hard time. Eventually I was able to find a job not because of her, but because I was already looking for a job for a while. Western society will stigmatize you as a freeloader or a mooch if you are not unemployed. Yet the correlation between having a job and being successful in dating is not as strong as people think.

 

Whatever happened to something as important as maintaining your appearance or improving your verbal skills. I think those two things help you greatly at getting the interest of women. Finding a job and getting cool hobbies should be the cherry on top. If women lose interest in you after two or three dates, than I think you should start looking at your job or interests. However this shouldn't be a problem until after you can attract women.

[veneratio]

You've gotta have self love first. No job or drive or perfect wardrobe is going to fix that. You can't place that much importance on one single soul. Being responsible for your happiness is far too heavy a weight to place on any girl. You have to present yourself as an equal for many reasons, not just attraction.

[Hikapo]

dougie, seems like you need some external help. Have you gone to church? It helps.

[Dougie_D]

church was never good for me.

First, I'm not religious and I don't want to be fake about it.

Another, I was teased when I did go to Church during my early years. When I first went to college, I made friends through go to youth services and stuff, but after a month or so, I couldn't continue being fake. I moved on and it was great.

Girls don't give me enough chances to let them know that I can be a great guy. It's only the current girlfriends or x-girlfriends from my guy friends that really know that I can be a great person and could possibly be a great boyfriend. A lot of times, I think that are parts of me that they wish were in their boyfriends!

[dangletsbang]

IMO, I wouldn't date a guy who constantly makes excuses for everything..much less consider a serious relationship with him.

[drewciouS281]

I am spoiled. Father was poor. Mom has never worked. Dad makes a lot now and doesn't want his family to suffer

 

dude i know its nice to be spoiled by parents but dont you want to have accomplishments for yourself? No do not take this as bashing but more as me crotiqing you. So i think the reason you are having problems with women is possibly how you confront them and the fact you have nothing to show for. More power to your dad for being a great person and wanting to help out the kids but what he doesnt realize is that he is actually hurting you more by doing this. A woman wants a man with goals, aspirations, accomplisments under his belt. one day all of dads money may dry up and what then? The street? You need to get on the ball with your life man, find yourself. No woman unless she is just like you will want to be involved in a relationship with someone that doesnt work, doesnt go to school, and doesnt do anything but a whole lotta nothing. I am not trying to be rude man, trying to wake you up. I had a child hood friend that i grew up with. He is in the same boat as you and now his dad left to another state and cut him off. He is practically homeless.

 

Having jobs, experiance, accomplishments can really alter someones attitude for the better and women see this. They can see and smell the scent of a successful, confident male. They want to be with someone like that because it makes them feel secure and keeps them on thier edge. Based on your avi picture, you seem like someone that dresses real relaxed and isnt too much into style. With all do respect you look like an average joe.

 

To answer your main thread title, bartenders and waitresses are the hardest to hook up with. They chat and small talk with you cause its thier job and it gets them a bigger tip if they lead you to thinking they like you. I have dated, hooked up with, one night stand with many bartenders and waitresses and do you wanna know the trick? Make them feel comfortable and not like a batender or waitress. They are used to men hitting on them. Do not be the typical male that gawks, stares, makes comments, wistles, etc. This will all get you turned away faster than you can choke your chicken! They take time. Good catches you gotta do the work and take your time. Become a regular at this bar when the specific girl you have your eye on is working. Small chat with her and make sure she remembers you. Do not ask her out yet. give it till she easily recognizes you and chats with you with no hesitation when you arrive. Now this next part is where having hobbies or goals in mind. If you dont have any, than what the hell are you gonna talk to her about?? hmm? I bring up the fact i like to snowboard. I ask her if she boards. Most of the time the answer is yes. I then casually say that some friends and I are going soon and that she should come. I threw friends in there so she didnt feel that it was a date and also safer that other people would be around. Most of the time it works and i get the date and more. It is alot easier than people think. You just gotta know what to talk about, be confident, have style and be witty. Take yourself out of the typical male genre and be your own individual male and you will seal the deal! It will then get to the point that almost every bar in your suburb you go to the bartender will know you or want you.

 

Tip: sometimes acting like your not interested but leading them on little by little will bait them more. They want what they cant have! If your too eager like a horny puppy you will lose the treat but if your patient and strong you get the bone! haha!

[Theblueman123]

It seems like he's just shifting the blame for his "problems" onto others and just keeps posting about it to get attention. I don't think that he is trying to accomplish anything, but rather is just throwing a pity-party and trying to get attention.

 

OP, are you even trying to fix anything? Have you changed anything in your life that we have suggested? At this point I don't know if you're looking for advice or just making joke threads.

[drewciouS281]

perhaps he is also known as "Confused Dater". ANyone remember him?

[ProtestTheHero]

Ok.

 

You say you are spoiled, but that's a buzz word so I'm going to try and figure this out. Does your dad just hand you money or is it in a bank account? Are you in a situation where you could move out and live your own life w/o a job? I don't agree with the people telling you to get a job if you don't have to. Women who are attracted to "ambition" are ones I would stay away from. It's one thing to be attracted to a passionate guy and it's one thing to be attracted to an ambitious guy, because the two are not one and the same. You want to avoid gold-diggers anyway, and any woman setting a lot of stock by your work accomplishments and social status looks at the world in a way that is probably not beneficial for someone like you.

 

You can't sit around all day or be a bar fly, though. It's one thing to not have to work and it's another thing to live life like a townie. If I were you, I would get involved in groups with shared interests and then perhaps do a little volunteering on the side, that way you can actually get involved in the things you enjoy and you're with people. Most jobs are soul-sucking and not fulfilling, so it's not like getting a random job is going to enlighten you in some way.

 

Stay away from waitresses and bartenders. There's nothing wrong with them, but why would you voluntarily put yourself in a situation where you're competing with dozens of guys per night for one woman's time? It's a little embarrassing first of all, but it's also highly inefficient.

 

If you get involved in groups, you're going to meet people in designed social settings where their kindness/interest is not motivated by the possibility of you increasing your tip. They get to know more about you in this setting so they have more to evaluate and you don't have to be so concerned with the quick first impressions that are generally formed in bars where how you look is crucial. I'm not saying you look bad, but I'm saying that it's difficult for most people to win over a waitress or a bartender in that setting. Gauging interest, etc. is all way too difficult.

 

I made a breakthrough in my depression when I was reading an article discussing the biological nature of those feelings. They called depression a manifestation of involuntary submission -- you're showing others around you that you are not a threat or a challenge so that they will leave you alone. It's a survival mechanism. I'm not opposed to confrontation, so when I saw it put that way it appealed to how much I hate being looked down on, lol.

 

Challenge yourself and others in a positive way and I think you'll be fine, but you need to forget about the negative influences in your family. Respect is earned, not given, and I don't care if you're my mom or my friend -- if you don't show it, I won't be around and/or won't respect you.

 

You don't have to go to church, either. Religious women can sometimes be just as hard to read as waitresses and bartenders, only instead of tips as an incentive they are appealing to a moral obligation, so you are just as in the dark when it comes to how they really feel. I'd rather castrate myself than step foot in another church, personally -- so I think groups with shared interests is definitely the way to go.

[Dougie_D]

Actually,

I am looking for a job but not really. I've applied to a lot of places and have wanted to volunteer but because I don't live where these jobs are, they won't hire me...or tell me, my location is the problem. And in all honesty, my parents TOLD me to quit my job because it was depressing me. They mentioned to help me 2 years ago (I had a full time job and making money on my own) but I got stuck in a situation and I had to move back home.

My parents are going help me with my situation, which I love. This is the first time that I feel like I NEED help with my parents. They will fund my travelings to see what areas I like. I'm going to Austin, Dallas, Phoenix, San Diego, L.A., Colorado, Missouri, Kansas, Louisville, New Jersey, and probably to NYC.

I'm LUCKY to have this.

I'm currently getting EVERYTHING done before I leave. My car is getting fixed as we speak and I have my taxes left to be done. I finally got Health Insurance last week. I'm thinking in a week or two I'll be off!

That's why having a job isn't a big deal to me yet. I live in area with LESS opportunities. That's the reason why people MOVE to NYC or L.A.

My father's boss gave his son a free ride to move to NYC to become an actor. He doesn't really have to wait tables or anything, but he tries to get exposure.

I want to work for the Music Business Industry. Nashville was too country and not enough rock and indie for me. Plus, I don't even like country. I don't have to settle on a crap job because I will have money from the parents when I need it.

THE BIGGEST REGRET I made was I didn't get an internship when I had the chance in college. Sometimes you don't know what you are good at or what you want until YEARS after.

[renaissancewoman101]

If you can swing it, come to CA, there's lots to see out here. Job opportunities aren't good out here though.

[Dougie_D]

I have "ambition" but sometimes I feel extremely lonely. After awhile, you start not to care about your life goals and would just like to have some time to hang out with a girl you like.

I come off just a little strange, but maybe that's what I like about myself and I'm pretty sure that's what others like about me too. I don't have a dull personality. I'm always the "he's so interesting" type of guy. Girls like me and want to be friends with me when they get the impression I'm not really into them. But when I give them the "slightest" interest or they find out that I don't have a girlfriend, their mood totally changes...Great, cool, funny guy to the desperate, pity, creepy guy. I REALLY DON'T get it!!!

And in all honesty, why have I had girls ASK me about guy (boyfriend) problems? I would assume they thought that I was at least capable of being in a relationship. These are the same girls that KNOW I've never been in one. They use the words "EXACTLY" and "ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND?"